Justin Ellis (Portland Press Herald) & I on the New Releases for 1/5/10!

Look, we’ll be honest with you here folks, Dr. Videoport Jones and I have both been on a bit of hiatus thanks to the holidays. The Nog, it did us in. So we’re not quite in fightin’ form to take on this week’s new DVD releases. But with a new flick from Diablo Cody, some animated fare and laughable horror flicks with descriptions like “Rube Goldberg-ian murderousness” we’ll power through. For you, dear reader.

Jennifer’s Body

Videoport Jones: “Man-o-man, is it good to be back, especially since that means the holidays are over. What with the incessant traveling, and the having of the no money, and the having no time whatsoever to see any of the new movies whatsoever in the last two weeks. Yeah. Well, sadly, with this as the one exception. I made it through about a third of this, the second film written by the ubiquitous Diablo Cody after the vastly overrated ‘Juno.’ In interviews, in her pop culture column in Entertainment Weekly, and, sadly and persistently, in screenplays, Cody’s singular brand of superficial catchphrase-mongering and oh-so-precious quippery is factory-designed to make me grind my teeth. And this, her first foray into snarky horror comedy, doesn’t even have ‘Juno’s’ stellar cast to carry it past its script. Nope, instead, of Jason Bateman, Michael Cera, Allison Janney, or Rainn Wilson, ‘Jennifer’s Body’ has to make do with the girl from ‘Mama Mia!’ and, speaking of ubiquitously-popular for no reason whatsoever, Megan Fox. Is there an actress who’s done less to deserve moviestardom and internet-downloadability than this blank-eyed, flat-voiced, midriff-baring mannequin-woman? Sure, she’s attractive, I guess, but does it make me less of a guy’s guy if I find myself less attracted to her than any human being on the planet? I mean, I’d rather see Helen Mirren in low-rider jeans than ol’ Foxy any day. I find this movie, its star, and its writer absolutely insufferable. I cannot suffer them.”

Justin: “HELLLLLLLLLLLOOOOOOO 2010! Let’s all take a moment and pray to whatever we hold dear this is not a sign. If it is we’re gonna burn a lot of calories torching new releases this year. What to say about ‘Jennifer’s Body?’ Well, it’s about a succubus, namely a foul temptress that brings nothing but chaos and destruction in her wake. So in that sense the casting of Megan Fox was truly inspired. Seriously America, I think we all need to have an intervention on this whole Megan Fox debacle. It would be passible if she was attractive, a terrible actor and worse person. But she’s not. She strikes out on all counts. She’s frightening to look at. I’d like to take her to Fatburger and lock the doors. Something about those sunken eyes and boney, well, everything, not only is disturbing but also makes watching her awful acting the equivalent of having your face shoved in a grapefruit while getting kidney punched. Un. Bear. A. Ble. If they had gone with Mila Kunis, a similar mold as Fox with a slightly higher acting ceiling, the movie may have had a fighting chance. But that would also require El Diablo to not be so infatuated with herself and her writing. Look, I liked ‘Juno’ a lot. The sublime cast turned what was a good concept but word-heavy script into a great movie. But so help me if El Diablo keeps churning out snarky, self-aware, pithy pop-culture darlings I’ll consider her a succubus, and she will be dealt with accordingly. Up for a demon hunt old buddy? I smell a reality TV show: ‘Videoport Jones: Succubus Hunter.’”

Cloudy With a Chance of Meatballs

VPJ: “At the risk of repeating myself, ‘If it ain’t Pixar, it ain’t worth it.’ This is another indifferently-animated, celebrity-voiced, vaguely-pleasant time waster about a humorously-nerdy scientist (voiced by SNL’s Bill Hader) who invents a way to create meat out of thin air. Sure, sure, Justin, I can see how that’s one in the plus column for you, but, well, as a pinko vegetarian, I question how well I’d cope with the necessity of scraping bacon off my windshield every morning. Hader’s a funny guy (although depriving him of his physicality halves his entertainment value), and throw in James Caan, Bruce Campbell, Anna Faris, Neil Patrick Harris, Will Forte, and Mr. T (!), and…well, it’s no Pixar.”

JE: “See, you’re talking to the wrong guy about this movie. Here’s why: I LOVED this book growing up. Wore the pages down almost as bad as my copies of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory and The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes. Maybe it was the ridiculousness of the story, a town where the weather is decidedly delicious. Perhaps I was just a hungry child. This adaptation takes a few liberties in fleshing out the premise into a disaster epic on par with  ‘Earthquake!’ or ‘Dante’s Peak.’ Look, I’m a big fan of Hader as well as NPH, and well, we all know I have a special place in my heart for BRUUUUUUCE! That space is also conveniently located next to the spot in my heart for bacon. Which, will probably result in a complicated surgical procedure some day. ANYHOO, this one will most likely get a viewing. Sure it’s not Pixar, so it may not make the room all dusty towards the end, but if it can sustain some laughs and be as appealing to kid Justin and adult Justin, then it wins in my book. VIVA BACON RAIN!”

The Final Destination

VPJ: “As far as horror series go, this one, while enduringly-awful, is endearingly-predictable in its Rube Goldberg-ian murderousness. The setup’s always the same: Some middling twenty-something actors survive seemingly-certain death and Death, royally pissed off, decides that ‘this time it’s personal’ and goes after the survivors with a series of needlessly-baroque deathtraps. In this, supposedly Death’s final go-round, the filmmakers have decided that it ain’t broke, and serve up a final helping of squirmy death scenes…and this time with 3-D viscera! (Videoport’s Regan assures me that the ‘death by escalator’ is the best.)”

JE: “You are back and in rare form my friend. ‘Rube Goldberg-ian murderousness!’ Eloquent and about as descriptive as you can get. I’d almost call this series ‘Death by Mad-Lib.’ Let’s see: ‘In this scene (blank) walks into a (blank) with a faulty (blank) and is (blanked). Hard.’ Look, I have absolutely no use for this film whatsoever. I’m not on the horror bandwagon and not even on the ’so-bad-it’s-freaking-hilarious’ horror movie bandwagon. I’m guessing that bandwagon departs and returns from Videoport on a regular basis. But if cheese and adorable twenty-somethings getting brutally axed (in the most hilarious fashion, of course) is your thing, then indulge friends.”

9

VPJ: “Computer-animated, post-apocalyptic sci fi anyone? Tim Burton’s tagged his name onto this one (which was actually created by Shane Acker, expanding on his original short), and it features some impressive voices, as per usual (I see Elijah Wood, Christopher Plummer, Jennifer Connelly, John C. Reilly, and the ever-weird Crispin Glover). Um…not Pixar, but I’ll see it.”

JE: “Your rules on viewing non-Pixar animated features is complicated to me. So ‘Cloudy’ is a No, but ‘9′ is a Yes? Is it the meat thing or Burton? Or do you have a thing for creepy puppet-looking animated heroes? Cause ‘9′ has that in a heaping supply. This is a post-apocalytic adventure that starts from a sobering premise: Humanity screwed it up and killed the crap out of each other, leaving only creepy doll-like people. Can you sense that I think the dolls are creepy? Cause I do. As good as this story could be,  – and frankly the feature-length has hints of sci fi-retreadedness – I have a feeling that watching it would give me nightmares. I’ll take a pass.”

Paranormal Activity

VPJ: “Boy, sure wish I’d had time to see this one in advance of this column. I’ll bet I would have had some interesting things to say. Over to you, Justin…”

JE: “And what would you have missed exactly? Another in a series of ‘faux-mentary’ horror films, this one about a young couple whose home is PLAGUED BY MYSTERIOUS EVIL FORCES! Is it The Devil? Eli Roth hiding in closet? The ghost of Rod Roddy? It’s tough to say. But fortunately the couple documented the whole thing on a…OK, I’m sorry, I can’t keep up this charade. OK, yes, I know people like getting scared, and yes, I can see the appeal of making it seem as realistic as possible from a storytelling standpoint. But this movie has the fatal flaw I find with so many other horror movies: When things get creepy just leave. Period. Don’t try to tough it out. Don’t call an expert on the occult (unless it’s Doctor Strange). And DON’T FILM IT ALL. Seriously who takes the time to set up a camera and tripod in the midst of all kinds of freaky stuff going on in your home? ‘Oh honey wait a sec, the white balance is acting up and not capturing the bleeding walls at all…’”

Trucker

VPJ: “A well-reviewed indie film co-starring one of my hetero man-crushes? Yes, please. Sure, it nominally stars the lovely Michelle Monaghan (so good in ‘Gone Baby Gone’) as the titular hard-livin’ hedonistic driver-lady who’s forced to change her ways when her long-ago-abandoned son turns up, but, for me, the real attraction is that her co-trucker boyfriend is played by Nathan Fillion of ‘Firefly,’ ‘Serenity,’ and total awesomeness fame. Sure, his film career hasn’t quite taken off yet (although he was, as ever, shamefully-ignored in the underrated horror comedy ‘Slither’), but I’m squarely in his corner…to the extent that I fully intend to watch this film at some point.”

JE: “Ah Capt. Tightpants…er, Mal Reynolds. A man’s man, and yes a member of the guy-love club. He certainly can do no wrong in my eyes and I’ve got hope he’ll make The Leap to bankable leading man on the big screen. As for Monaghan, good for her for taking on the kind of ‘uglied-down for the sake of art’ role that garners praise from critics and respect from directors (not to mention people like you and me). Since the last ‘truck drivin’ movie I saw was either ‘Smokey and the Bandit’ or ‘Black Dog’(yes I have no shame), maybe this will make the must-rent watch list.”

LIGHTENING ROUND! And now some quick hitter reviews of movies the holidays prevented me from doing my duty towards: 50 Dead Men Walking (The true story of a brass-bollocked Irish lad who worked as a double agent for the British against the IRA), Adam (Hugh Dancy attempts to re-prove Hollywood’s assertion that even the most serious mental illnesses can be cured by the cuddly attentions of a hot neighbor in this offbeat romantic comedy), Lorna’s Silence (From the ever-heartbreaking Dardenne Brothers – “La Promesse,” “L’enfant” -  comes another tale of the crushed hopes of the European underclass), A Woman in Berlin (Heavy stuff from Germany in this true tale of a patriotic Nazi woman attempting to make the deals necessary to emerge from the Russian occupation of Berlin as little raped as possible), Diminished Capacity (Matthew Broderick and Alan Alda team up as a journalist with memory loss and the Alzheimer’s-afflicted uncle he moves in with in this darkly-comic dramedy), The Escapist (Good ol’ Brian Cox leads a mass prison break out in this British comic caper), Carriers (Now that he’s all famous and stuff, Star Trek’s Chris Pine’s heretofore-unreleased biozombie film suddenly finds itself released).

VideoReport #229

Volume CCXXIX- New Year’s Evil

For the Week of 1/5/10

Videoport thanks the nice Videoport customer who told us that her new year’s resolution was to rent with us instead of a certain online movie rental service. We’d also like to advise everyone that the domain name ‘www.neflixsucks.org’ has been taken.

Middle Aisle Monday. (Get one free rental from the Sci-Fi, Horror, Incredibly Strange, Mystery/Thriller, Animation or Staff Picks sections with your paid rental.)

>>>Dennis2/The Rage suggests The Substitute (in Horror). There are two things I want to point out to start with when it comes to this movie. The first one has to do with the cover. When you look at the cover, you see some sort of female demon-like creature on it, with creepy-looking kids behind her. Clearly, the movie is targeted at people who liked movie such as The Grudge and The Ring, which, by the way, was the reason I picked this one up. Secondly, the rating seems a little odd. The cover says that the film has an R rating because of the language. Now although this might be right, I don’t remember anything too offensive to warrant a rating like this, especially when you take into account that the target crowd for this movie in Europe was more like Harry Potter viewers than anything else. So I think it’s safe to say that this movie is a little misrepresented. You’ll find this little Danish gem in our horror section, but don’t think you’ll be terrified out of a good night’s sleep. Directed by the guy who was responsible for the Danish and American versions of the excellent Nightwatch, in this one a class filled with 14 year olds is confronted by an attractive blond substitute teacher called Ulla. The new teacher appears to have some powers the best teachers don’t usually consistently display, like mind reading. It doesn’t take long for the kids to discover that their teacher is actually an alien, who traveled to earth to mate. And although they try and tell their parents about Ulla, each time the clever alien charms her way out of the students’ accusations, and inches closer toward her diabolical objectives. Just like the Swedish movie Let The Right One In, this one is pleasantly over the top when it comes to its idea, but it shows so much heart that you just can’t help but go ahead and love it.

>>> April suggests Office Killer (in the Incredibly Strange section). This is the movie you must rent tonight. It will blow your mind in very subtle ways. Directed by the amazing photographer Cindy Sherman and starring Carol Kane, Molly Ringwald, and Jeanne Tripplehorn ! C’mon! Rent it! Need more? The plot goes like this: a timid office worker accidentally kills one of her coworkers, setting off a chain of amusing deaths. Why is this film not a cult classic? Sigh.

Tough and Triassic Tuesday. (Get one free rental from the Action or Classics sections with your paid rental.)

>>> Elsa S. Customer suggests Some Like It Hot (in Classics). It’s winter in Chicago, 1929. Two innocent musicians (Tony Curtis and Jack Lemmon, who play old friends with marvelous on-screen chemistry) happen to witness the St. Valentine’s Day Massacre… and the mob ain’t keen on witnesses, y’know? Penniless and desperate to get out of town, they sign up for a gig down in Florida. There’s just one little hitch: it’s an all-girl band, starring singer/ukelele-player Sugar Kane (Marilyn Monroe), a winsome, troubled gal with a penchant for saxophone players. Billy Wilder’s gender-switching comedy of errors is arguably Monroe’s best film (and a scattery, sweet, vulnerable performance that reportedly was dragged out of her with great pains), its comedy playing simultaneously on several levels and always with a winning self-consciousness.

Wacky and Worldly Wednesday. (Get one free rental from the Comedy or Foreign Language sections with your paid rental.)

>>> Dennis suggests ‘Freaks and Geeks’- the complete series (in Comedy). The whole ‘the complete series’ thing should be a tipoff to the fact that no one watched this hilarious, heartbreaking, breathtakingly-nigh-perfect show and so it was cancelled, presumably to make room for something dreadful, awful, and soul-deadening, and just what America deserves…and so it joins the ranks of shows like ‘Arrested Development’, ‘Police Squad’, ‘Firefly’, and ‘Futurama’, all of which were, apparently, too good for this benighted country and its slack-jawed, jabbering, nitwit inhabitants…I guess network TV needed more room for Jim Belushi sitcoms and reality shows!!! AIIIIEEEE!!! Attica! Attica! Attica! Fine, fine…I’m over it. Anyway, my sweet baby (Mrs. Elsa S. Customer, to you) bought me the boxed set for festivus, and we re-watched it all in one massive go, and, of course we fell in love

You didn't watch us, so this is all you get.

with it all over again, and now, as I’m writing this, we’re watching the very last episode ‘Discos and Dragons’, and I’m getting absolutely furious all over again!!!! AAAUUUGHHHH! Anyway. It’s the most perceptive and truthful series about teenagers ever made, which, along with Richard Linklater’s Dazed and Confused, could make up the entire curriculum of a secondary education course. (It seriously would benefit any high school teacher or guidance counselor, or parent, I’ve ever met). Set in 1980, it begins as the portrait of Lindsay and Sam Weir, two nice kids from a middle class family, as they navigate the treacherous waters of a typical Michigan high school. Sam’s a small-for-his-age guy, just trying to survive, and Lindsay, still reeling from the death of her beloved grandmother, is an honor student who has taken to questioning things and starts taking tentative steps toward the unkempt stoner kids who seem to represent the rebellion she’s suddenly craving. Written by people like Judd Apatow, Paul Feig, and Mike White, ‘Freaks and Geeks’ combines laughs, painful teenage reminiscences, and all-around, pitch-perfection in unprecedented greatness. The cast launched Seth Rogen, Linda Cardellini, Jason Segel, James Franco, and should have launched a few more, if the world were fair (I am rooting for Martin Starr [look for him in Adventureland], whose soulful ubergeek Bill Haverchuk is easily the most affecting character on the show). The thing that struck me about the show upon the re-watch was how generous the writing of each character was, without ever losing sight of their limitations. Everybody gets their due, and all the relationships ring absolutely true. Check out this list: ‘The Wire’, ‘The West Wing’, ‘Six Feet Under’, ‘The Sopranos’…and ‘Freaks and Geeks’. Along with the previously-mentioned, they’re the best shows I’ve ever seen.

Thrifty Thursday. (Get one free movie from any section with your paid rental.)

>>> Elsa S. Customer suggests This American Life- seasons 1 & 2 (in Documentary). For two short seasons, Ira Glass and his talented crew transferred their storytelling magic to the television screen in This American Life. And magic it is —- somehow, at crucial moments in these wildly varying stories, time slows down and seems to stand still, waiting for the next bated word. In only 12 short episodes, they bring us some indelible stories. Standout segments: in Pandora’s Box, the midnight shift at a Chicago hot dog stand unexpectedly reveals contemporary racial tensions; in Reality Check, a family tries to cope with the bull cloned at their request, resulting in a story which The Onion A.V. Club describes as “Pet Sematary by way of The New Yorker.”

Free Kids Friday. (Get one free rental from the Children’s or Family sections, no other rental necessary).

>>>Take it from me:  kids love Russ Meyer.

Having a Wild Weekend. (Rent two, get your third movie for free from any section on Saturday and Sunday.)

>>>For Saturday, Andy suggests Exorcist III (in Horror). Good news for fans of William Friedkin’s 1973 film The Exorcist: here’s a film that will help erase the awful memory of Exorcist II: The Heretic (which Videoport no longer owns…you’re welcome). The Exorcist III, written and directed by William Peter Blatty from his novel Legion, is a pretty solid, smart, and scary movie- not quite up there with the original, but a worthy sequel. Lieutenant Kinderman (played by Lee J. Cobb in the original, replaced by George C. Scott here) is having a bad day. First, someone is committing horrific murders in the style of the Gemini Killer,

Brad Dourif is in this as well. He is God.

who has been dead for fifteen years. Next, it’s the fifteenth anniversary of the night his friend, Father Karras, jumped down a staircase to his death. If that’s not enough, his mother-in-law is in town, and she’s keeping a live carp in the bathtub, so Kinderman hasn’t bathed in days! Yes, besides being creepy and mysterious, Exorcist III has a sense of humor that the original was lacking. Jason Miller, playing ‘Patient X’, is the only original cast member to return, but this is the only Exorcist sequel that ‘feels’ right. It’s also serial killer Jeffrey Dahmer’s favorite movie. So there.

>>>For Sunday, Elsa S. Customer suggests Harvey (in Classics). Harvey is a pooka, an invisible animal spirit; his form happens to be a six-foot-tall white rabbit. Harvey is visible only to his best friend, Elwood P. Dowd, a harmless dipsomaniac who spends his days slowly tippling away his inheritance in a neighborhood dive. This apparent delusion distresses Elwood’s family, partly because it damages their social reputation, and they decide that he must be cured of his illness. Uh-oh. The best part of this whimsical little film is the lovable Jimmy Stewart being all gosh-darned lovable with both barrels: he dodders and stutters, speaks gently and kindly, listens with sincerity, makes thoughtful moues and nods to his fellow characters, and spends the whole films in a richly alcoholic haze of benevolence.

New Releases this week at Videoport: Cloudy With a Chance of Meatballs (middling animated movie about a scientist who can create meat from thin air at least features a varied and overqualified voice cast, nicluding Bill Hader, James Caan, Mr. T!, Will Forte, Anna Faris, Bruce Campbell, and Neil Patrick Harris), ‘Chuck’- season 2 (the cult comedy [meaning, of course, on the verge of cancellation] about a reluctant nerd-turned-superspy, hits the DVD), ‘Big Love’- season 3 (Bill Paxton and his bigamist brood are back for another season of this surprisingly-gripping HBO series), The Final Destination (purportedly the final of the Final Destination movies, wherein subpar actors cheat Death only to see Death get back at them in Rube Goldbergian ways, this one features some optional 3-D gore! Delicious!), 50 Dead Men Walking (gripping Irish thriller about a

brass-balled real life guy from Belfast who joins the IRA as an informant for the British), Trucker (well-regarded indie drama about the titular carefree, boozin’ lady truck driver who finds her estranged 11 year old kid dropped on her mudflaps one day and has to adjust; costarring my main man Nathan Fillion [that's 'Firefly''s Captain Mal Reynolds to you...), Adam (Hugh Dancy plays a brilliant, hunky guy with serious mental issues whose cute new neighbor attempts to cuddle back to health in this romantic drama), Lorna's Silence (the newest heartbreaking drama from the Dardenne brothers [La Promesse, L'enfant], this time about a trio of immigrants hatching a predictably-tragically-doomed plan to remain in Belgium), The Escapist (good ol’ Brian Cox leads an interesting cast in this British prison break movie), Diminished Capacity (dark comedy/drama about a young reporter with sudden memory loss [Matthew Broderick] who moves in with his Alzheimers-afflicted uncle [Alan Alda]), A Woman in Berlin (heavy German drama about the titular woman, a still-loyal Nazi in the days immediately after Germany surrenders, who makes a series of deals to protect herself from the rape-happy Russian invaders).

New Arrivals this week at Videoport: ‘The Paper Chase’- season 1 (John Houseman wants you to look to your left, and then to your right; one of the people you just looked at will rent this 80’s law school drama series, while the other two will move on to the Incredibly Strange section), Freeze Frame (thriller about a murder suspect who films himself 24 hours a day to always provide himself with an alibi), Loren Cass (searing, daring indie drama about aimless, frustrated teens coping with 1997 Florida race riots), Frank’s Depression (this one lives in the Incredibly Strange section…you’ll have to find out the details there yourself…), Animal Love (Werner Herzog, speaking of this documentary about disenfranchised people who seek out the companionship of animals rather than humans, said “Never have I looked so directly into hell”; so, you know, have fun with that…), Models (another pseudodocumentary by Animal Love’s Ulrich Seidl, this time about the desperate, self-destructive lives of a trio of would-be models).

New Arrivals this week at Videoport: A History of Violence, Body Heat, Bottle Rocket, Jennifer’s Body, 9, Star Trek (2009), Blade Runner, Harold and Kumar Go to White Castle.

Celebrity Wang!

Yup, get a bunch of film geeks together on a busy holiday weekend (thank you for that, by the way, loyal Videoport customers) and, invariably, their conversation turns to which famous actors have shown us their weiners. (On film, of course…) Call it a feminist flip-flop (so to speak) of the age-old ogling of naked women in film, call it a shocking waste of time, call it juvenile if you must, but here is our list of all the famous dudes we could think of who’ve bared it all for your pleasure(?):

Ewan McGregor (in Young Adam, Velvet Goldmine, Trainspotting, and The Pillow Book)

Harvey Keitel (in The Piano, Bad Lieutenant, and Holy Smoke)

Robin Williams (in The Fisher King and World’s Greatest Dad)

David Bowie (The Man Who Fell to Earth)

Rip Torn (The Man Who Fell to Earth)

Sylvester Stallone (Italian Stallion)

Viggo Mortensen (Eastern Promises)

Kevin Bacon (Wild Things)

Bruce Willis (The Color of Night)

Jason Segel (Forgetting Sarah Marshall)

Eric Stoltz (Naked in New York)

Vincent Gallo (The Brown Bunny)

Mark Rylance (Intimacy)

Peter Sarsgaard (Kinsey)

Malcolm McDowell (Caligula)

Frank Langella (Lolita)

Julian Sands (A Room With a View)

Rupert Graves (A Room With a View)

Ken Jeong (The Hangover)

Tom Berenger (At Play in the Fields of the Lord)

Ted Levine (The Silence of the Lambs- sort of a judgement call, but the judges rule that it counts)

So that happened… Did we overlook your favorite celebrity weenis? Send us your suggestion (along with anything else movie-related, even if it has nothing to do with penises, to denmn@hotmail.com!)

VideoReport #228

Volume CCXXVIII- 2010: The Year We Make Contact (According to 1984)

For the Week of 12/29/09

Videoport wishes us all a happy, peaceful, and slightly less shiny-side-of-disc-touchy 2010.

Middle Aisle Monday. (Get one free rental from the Sci-Fi, Horror, Incredibly Strange, Mystery/Thriller, Animation or Staff Picks sections with your paid rental.)

>>> Elsa S. Customer suggests ‘Futurama’ (in Animation). The brainchild of Matt Groening and helmed by obsessive geek and gifted writer David X. Cohen, Futurama is is a classic, old-timey workplace comedy: just a time traveller, his robot best friend, their Cyclopean middle manager, a mad scientist, a wealthy physics grad student, a vaguely Jamaican accountant, and a lobster-doctor from outer space muddling their way through the work day. It’s also a piece of seasonal fare right now: Futurama starts out on on New Year’s Eve, 2000, when pizza delivery guy Philip J. Fry accidentally submits himself to long-term cryogenic storage, and awakens on New Year’s Eve, 2999. Hilarity ensues, as do deeply buried mathematics jokes. Who doesn’t like a good mathematics joke?

Tough and Triassic Tuesday. (Get one free rental from the Action or Classics sections with your paid rental.)

>>> Dennis 2/The Rage suggests The Proposition (in Action/Adventure). Although I am not sure if this can even be called a western, since the movie was made in Australia (an eastern, is that even a thing?), we still put it in the action section because it is westernish. Now that made me even more excited, because I am a complete waste of space when working on Tuesdays, knowing next to nothing about one of the sections that’s free on Tough and Triassic Tuesdays. Now I have a movie to recommend on the days when action movies are free! And do I recommend this movie, jeez. This is the director whose movie The Road, starring Viggo Mortensen, is playing in theaters right now. I strongly doubt that The Road is anywhere near as amazing as this one though. In Australia of the late nineteen hundreds, a man called Charlie Burns (Guy Pearce) is caught by local law enforcement. Charlie is part of a gang, and the guy who caught him Captain Stanley (Ray Winstone, who was also in Beowulf) strikes a deal with him, which means that Charlie has to kill his supposedly unfindable and unkillable brother. He sets out to find him, in the immense, overpowering, hot Australian outback. The screenplay was written by Nick Cave, who is also partially responsible for the movie’s stellar soundtrack. The music is really something else, co-written by Warren Ellis. Warren Ellis heads a three-piece Australian band called The Dirty Three. Youtube those guys, rent this movie, eat at Outback. Australia rules!

Wacky and Worldly Wednesday. (Get one free rental from the Comedy or Foreign Language sections with your paid rental.)

>>> Elsa S. Customer suggests Clueless (in Comedy/the hastily-assembled temporary Brittney Murphy memorial shelf in the middle aisle). I’ll admit: there’s something stomach-turning about the ghoulish desire to revisit the film catalog of an actor who’s recently died. I’ll also admit: I haven’t seen many of Brittney Murphy’s movies. But still, one night soon I’ll curl up and revisit Clueless, a saucy updating of Jane Austen’s Emma set in Beverly Hills. I’ll probably even shed a tear over the bouncy, game, gamine girl playing Tai, with her round cheeks and her cheeky voice shifting from gravel to helium. She had a pert twinkle and a bright eye, and she vanished too soon.

Thrifty Thursday. (Get one free movie from any section with your paid rental.)

>>> Dennis suggests every film Robert Altman ever directed (in nearly every section). The lovely Mrs. Elsa S. Customer gave me the new oral biography of Robert Altman for Christmas. Because she is a genius. It’s a fascinating read about a brilliant and fascinating filmmaker (who just happens to be my hero, so here it comes – my ranking of every Robert Altman film at Videoport!): 1. McCabe & Mrs. Miller, 2. Nashville, 3. M.A.S.H., 4. The Long Goodbye, 5. California Split, 6. Short Cuts, 7. The Player, 8. Thieves Like Us, 9. Fool for Love, 10. 3 Women, 11. Streamers, 12. Secret Honor, 13. Popeye, 13b. Brewster McCloud, 14. Gosford Park, 15. ‘Tanner ‘88′, 15b. Vincent & Theo, 16. Come Back to the Five and Dime, Jimmy Dean, Jimmy Dean, 17. O.C. & Stiggs, 18. A Wedding, 19. A Prairie Home Companion, 20. Cookie’s Fortune, 21. A Perfect Couple, 21b. Buffalo Bill and the Indians, 22. The Company, 23. Kansas City, 24. Images, 25. Dr. T & the Women. And make no mistake- you can’t even go wrong with the end of the list. Well, maybe Dr. T…

Free Kids Friday. (Get one free rental from the Children’s or Family sections, no other rental necessary).

>>> It’s a free kids movie and you don’t have to rent anything else to get it. I genuinely don’t see anything to complain about…

Having a Wild Weekend. (Rent two, get your third movie for free from any section on Saturday and Sunday.)

>>>For Saturday, Elsa S. Customer suggests Harold and Kumar Go to White Castle (in Comedy). There are stupid movies, there are intelligent movies, and there’s a whole spectrum of movies in between. But it takes real care and to make an intelligently stupid movie. That’s exactly what you get from Harold and Kumar go to White Castle. Now, don’t misunderstand me: this is not a film for sophisticated tastes. The simple story of two genial stoner roommates on an all-night quest to sate their burger craving, H&K is jam-packed with sophomoric and scatological humor, unabashedly silly sightgags, and cheerful pandering to the key munchies-and-giggles demographic. But it does it so darned well that’s it’s real fun to watch, even if you don’t fall squarely into that demographic yourself. It’s a trifle, but an admirably crafted one. The jokes are dumb, and performed with great conviction. The actors are perfectly cast and perfectly earnest. As responsible cubicle wage-slave Harold, John Cho radiates a tightly-wound affability that makes you feel for him as his troubles mount. Kumar (Kal Penn) is the classic lay-about instigator, a good-natured goofer who always escalates a situation. These loosely sketched characters feel curiously real, in part because the two stars are so sincere and pleasant. And the supporting cast is equally notable. Neil Patrick Harris appears as himself, sort of — in the world of H&K, NPH is a wild-eyed womanizer with poor impulse control and a raging appetite for drugs and trouble, no doubt a precursor to his current sit-com role. Christopher Meloni (of Law & Order fame) shows his comic chops here, bringing humor and humanity to a repulsive caricature, a pustule-covered creep straight out of an E.C. Comic. A serious note: stoner comedies traditionally rely on stereotypes, playing up homophobic or ethnically charged jokes that are more often nasty and offensive than funny. But Harold and Kumar go to White Castle does more than parrot back the same slop; to some extent, it plays with the tropes and types, turning them inside out and upside-down, pointing out the absurdity of the assumptions built into the jokes.

>>>For Sunday, Dennis suggests Funny People (in Comedy). It’s not Judd Apatow’s best film (that’s still The 40 Year Old Virgin), but it’s certainly his most ambitious. For a guy who gets written off as a lowbrow ‘d*ck and fart joke’ specialist by people who should know better, Apatow is, quite frankly, the current savior of American film comedy, his deftly-balanced mix of heart and belly laughs rising so far above what’s expected of a summer tentpole comedy that he ought to get a medal just for trying harder than he has to. Funny People is the story of a spoiled, successful movie star who discovers that he’s terminally ill, and decides to try and win back the girl that got away, and, speaking of rising above, it stars Adam Sandler, who delivers his best work since Punch Drunk Love. Sandler’s doing some pretty courageous self-parody (his character is the star of such lowbrow comedies as Mer-man), and he shows, once again, that, like Will Ferrell, when given the opportunity, a popular comedian’s gifts can translate into a surprisingly effective dramatic actor. Sure, the film bogs down at about the hour and a half mark, and yeah, it is over two hours long (not usually a good idea for comedy), but Funny People sticks in your mind. It’s a sneaky good movie.

New Releases this week at Videoport: A Perfect Getaway (Steve Zahn brings his quirky comedy guy persona to this horror flick about pretty vacationers getting bumped off in the photogenic jungle), Vampire Killers (this British horror comedy was originally called Lesbian Vampire Killers; which is, I think we can all agree, a better title…), 9 (high-tech, post-apocalyptic animated film got great reviews and is blessedly, too dark to have made much money), Paranormal Activity (the low-budget horror success story of the year, this spooky flick made a kajillion dollars and scared off a frillion pairs of pants), Jennifer’s Body (written by the utterly-obnoxious Diablo Cody [of Juno fame] and starring the utterly-talentless Megan Fox [of baring your tummy fame], this wise-ass horror film is now available for your, um, enjoyment, I guess), Staten Island (this thriller stars Ethan Hawke and Phillip D’Onofrio went right to DVD; that doesn’t necessarily mean it’s bad, right?), Carriers (Chris Pine [that's Captain Kirk to you], stars in this low-budget horror film about a zombie plague!), Medicine for Melancholy (indie romantic drama about a young black couple out on a date), ‘Glee’- season 1 (everybody loves this show about a high school putting on musicals and such; it stars the great Jane Lynch), ‘The United States of Tara’- season 1 (Toni Colette stars as a housewife with multiple personalities in this cable comedy series), The Marine 2 (couldn’t get John Cena back for this sequel? Just get another, lesser ‘rassler to fill in!).

New Blu-Ray this week at Videoport: Hancock, Silent Hill, Stargate, Pathfinder, Walking Tall, Wall Street, Stir of Echoes, Road House, Predator, Office Space, The Devil’s Rejects, I, Robot, Bulletproof Monk, Dark Blue, Master and Commander, Total Recall, Independence Day, and Wings of Desire.

Dennis2/ The Rage brings you his best (and worst) movies and shows of 2009:

The Best:

1. I’ve Loved You So Long

2. Eldorado

3. In Treatment

4. Taken

5. Lost, Season 5

6. Let The Right One In

7. Tell No One

8. Inglourious Basterds

9. District 9

10. Drag Me To Hell

11. Frozen River

12. Breaking Bad

13. Up

14. Star Trek

15. Buck Rogers!

The Worst:

1. Happy Go Lucky

2. New In Town

3. Religulous

4. Elegy

5. The Reader

6. Choke

7. Flight of the Concords, Season 2

8. Quantum of Solace

Andy’s Worst of 2009:

5. Mirrors: Alexandre Aja did well with High Tension and The Hills Have Eyes, then fell from grace horribly with this one. Mirrors are scary, but Mirrors is not. At all.

4. The Last House on the Left: Damn. This would have been offensive if it weren’t so bad.

3. How to Lose Friends and Alienate People: Simon Pegg is funny, right? Not in this movie. And Megan Fox is like a charisma black hole.

2. Lakeview Terrace: This was perfectly entertaining to watch, then, after it was over, I started thinking about how awful it was. And the thought kept…on…coming.

1. Quantum of Solace: Not super-awful, but such a huge step down from Casino Royale. Marc Forster destroys everything he touches.

Regan’s Bestest or Most Favoritest (in no order):

1. Away We Go: This has been forgotten altogether. I blame (500) Days of Blubber.

2. Adventureland: I’m having a hard time getting people to watch this. I blame Ryan Reynolds.

3. Let the Right One In: This movie succeeds as a vampire movie and as a coming-of-age movie. Unlike Twilight. Interesting.

4. A Christmas Tale: Mathieu Amalric totally stirs my soup. Watch Kings & Queen if you likey.

5. Gran Torino: Clint at his most Clintiest. And it’s about a car which is real cool.

Regan’s Worstest of the Most Awful:

1. The Curious Case of Benjamin Button: With the exception of the nice wardrobe and the guy who keeps gettin’ hit with lightning, oh and the fighting at sea! That was good. But otherwise, nope.

2. He’s Just Not That Into You: More Drew Barrymore, less sh***y people. That would make it a wee bit better.

3. The Ugly Truth: A child giving Katherine Heigl an orgasm. That should be the tagline.

Want some free movies at Videoport? Here are about a million ways…

1. Rent a bunch of movies. Every time you hit your next hundred rentals, we give you two free ones.

2. Rent a movie any day of the week. If you check page one of this here newsletter here, you’ll see that there’s a different special every day of the week where you get a free movie. You literally cannot come into Videoport without getting a free rental. Yeah…

3. Buy a movie. For every single movie you buy at Videoport, we give you a free rental. Now if that’s not the perfect cue to start whipping readers into a holiday buying frenzy, then I don’t know what is: this holiday season, when you’re spending all your hard-earned cash on a gang of glutinous, insatiable greed monsters (I mean your loved ones, of course), why not get a little something for yourself out of the deal? Videoport has a great selection of new and previously-viewed DVDs for sale right in the store and we can also order literally anything that’s currently in print. And, for every movie you buy from us, we give you, yourself (not them) a free rental that you can use any time.

4. Trade in your old DVDs. Got some movies or TV series that you don’t want cluttering up your shelves anymore? Bring them in to Videoport and we’ll turn them into free rentals on your Videoport account. It’s that simple!

5. Spend some money. Videoport has two different savings plans which, essentially, give you free money just for renting with us. Seriously. Put $20 onto your Videoport account and we’ll turn that twenty into $25 worth of rental credit. Pay $30 and we’ll give you $40 worth of rental credit. That’s five or ten free bucks worth of renting cash, if my math is right.

Justin Ellis (of the Portland Press Herald) and I on the week’s newness (12/22/09)!

We’re nearing the end point for 2009 and fortunately there are some sweet new releases on DVD that should get all kinds of conversation going. And not just “am I Federally mandated to like Sandra Bullock?” This week Videoport Jones and I talk bugs, Mike Judge and America’s Next Sweetheart. Also, Joseph Gordon-Levitt. These things are not related.

District 9

Videoport Jones: “Before everyone out there starts nerding out with inter-rage, I would just like to start off this review by saying I really liked ‘District 9.’ I love a ‘little movie that could’ story, and this relatively low-budget sci-fi action pic, about the unexplained arrival, and 20 year uneasy cohabitation with humanity, of a spaceship full of odd, insect-like aliens, really took off, both financially and critically. Good for it: ‘District 9′ has some witty special effects, a sly and affecting lead performance by newcomer Sharlto Copley, a smidge of the social satire that underlies most successful science fiction, some exciting, violent action sequences, a sense of humor, and a mech battle that puts the Transformers to richly-deserved shame. There. See inter-nerds? I liked the movie. That being said…there are some issues that keep me from jumping on the ‘best sci-fi movie EVER!!!’ bandwagon. To wit: (oh, and SPOILERS AHEAD!!): Boy does this movie dumb itself down as it goes along. I was frankly wowed by the set-up: A documentary intro explains that an alien ship just showed up, hovered over Johannesburg, and, when humans finally cut their way inside, they found, not the advanced, big-headed visitors we always expect, but a weird, buggy, seemingly-unintelligent race that, with its hairtrigger temper and lack of understanding or respect for human customs, quickly found itself ostracized into the titular shantytown, where it seemed content to scrounge through human refuse. It’s a unique and evocative premise, carrying within it plenty of room for social commentary and satire. And there is some of that, much of it slyly embodied by Copley’s pencil-pushing minor bureaucrat, a cheerfully racist little weasel who undertakes his assignment (to head up the eviction of all aliens from District 9 into a more remote, concentration camp-like resettlement) with humorously chilling good cheer; he’s sort of like Michael Scott as a Nazi in the beginning. But soon the film essentially abandons its initial moral complexity, introducing a ’smart’ alien with a secret agenda and, sigh, a cute little kid alien and the film essentially turns into ‘Enemy Mine,’ with Copley finally overcoming his prejudices and realizing that aliens are people too. Also, for a film that’s been praised for its anti-racism, satirical content, I’m gonna go ahead and call it a little racist. Sure, the white South Africans (or mostly the Haliburton-like evil corporation in charge of the alien evictions) are plenty bad, in a Bond villain sort of way, but at least they’re not portrayed as thuggish, voodoo-cultish, gunrunning, bloodthirsty, and cannibalistic as the (black) Nigerian gangsters in the film are. And the film’s treatment of the aliens themselves is pretty questionable; there’s only one intelligent alien in the whole film, with the millions of others portrayed as stupid, sneaky, and lazy – basically the film’s welfare class stereotype. It lends a puzzling and slightly queasy undertone to what remains an interesting and mostly-fun sci fi film.”

Justin: “Jonesy, this is why we are friends. You find a way to ground me even when I don’t know I need to be. I saw this flick in theaters and came down with a serious case of shock and awe. Going in with no expectations (and really, no knowledge of the plot), I was constantly in amazement of this movie’s combination of drama, emotion, humor and ballsy action. To put in plainly: I got sucked into the world of ‘District 9.’ Problem is, there are flaws in that world, which I am happy you pointed out. As two sci fi geeks I think we can say this movie gets a big lift from the novel premise of ‘aliens as refugees.’ We’re so used to either the friendly alien or destroyer alien that when we get around to the origin of the bugs in ‘District 9′ it’s almost disconcerting. ‘Wait…they didn’t come here to destroy us?’ And working off this we’re taken into a familiar world of refugees, one that could be the Gaza Strip or a UN camp in Liberia. And yet it’s completely foreign because of who is living there. It’s a movie that is really hard to look at during certain points (and not just because of what happens to Copley’s character), because no one is expecting a contemplation on human rights, or in this case alien rights. But the movie does begin to lose that murky footing as it slips into action mode (which, I’ll say is a pretty sweet mode. Seriously I’d watch an action sequence directed by Neil Blomkamp any day.) I think the problem here is that trying to stitch together these two halves – a classic sci fi tale meant to reflect on aspects of humanity and a guns-ablazin’ chase epic – was particularly hard to reconcile here. But more than that I think you touch on a hole in this story, which is that they drifted into a weird stereotype with many of the aliens as shifty and lazy. Of course I’m sure the filmmakers (and any student of geopolitical situations) would argue that was a result of the aliens interment. Regardless, this is a movie that has some flaws but is otherwise outstanding. And if it’s a conversation starter that’s even better. But seriously, that mech suit was pretty freakin’ sweet, right?”

Extract

VPJ: “Mike Judge has always had it rough. Either his ‘Beavis and Butthead’ is being protested by shrill, shrieking ‘Won’t someone think of the children?!’ harridans who were, as ever, incapable of perceiving satire of any kind, or his ‘King of the Hill’ is constantly overlooked in the animated comedy series sweepstakes in favor of things like the loathsome ‘Family Guy.’ Either his now cult classic ‘Office Space’ gets stuck with a minimal (and lousy) ad campaign, and dumped after some lackluster reviews (which, surprise!) missed the point entirely, or his nearly as funny ‘Idiocracy’ never gets a theatrical release at all, getting dumped directly to DVD. Seriously, only my man Joss Whedon seems to be carrying a more emphatic ‘kick me’ sign on his creative back. So I was predisposed to like ‘Extract,’ not only for the Judge’s Job-ness, but because of the stellar cast which includes Jason Bateman, David Koechner, J.K. Simmons, Kristen Wiig, and others. And I did like it. But not too much. Like ‘Office Space’ and ‘Idiocracy,’ ‘Extract’ centers on a put-upon workplace everyman (the ever-dependable Bateman) who’s stuck in a sexless marriage and in his job as president of a mildly successful (and employee dysfunctional) company that manufactures manufactured food flavors. It’s a very Michael Bluth-like situation, and Bateman’s as good here as he was on ‘Arrested Development,’ and his supporting cast all have some nice moments (even Ben Affleck who, as a slim, bearded, pill popping, mellow bartender/guru is as amiable and likeable as he’s ever been). Unfortunately, like in his other two films, Judge seems unable to sustain any interest in plot, leading to the films petering out in the third act, and this time, the movie wasn’t as good to start with. ‘Extract’ starts off pretty diffuse and low energy, and this time there’s an underlying sourness to the humor that saps the fun. Sure it’s satire, but here the point of view seems to be a grumpy ‘everyone’s sort of a jerk’, and some of the plot elements (Mila Kunis’ con artist femme fatale, Bateman’s sitcommy plan to have his wife seduced) have no satirical snap to them. It’s not bad, but this one’s not headed for Judge-ian cult status.”

JE: “I think Mike Judge and Joss Whedon should start a support group. And film it. Because I would watch it. Of course the trouble is it would likely never get released on DVD or tied up in development hell. I don’t want this review to turn into a pity party for Judge, but the fact is the dude has had a hard road. You could argue ‘King of the Hill’ was his biggest commercial success after running 13 seasons on Fox. (I have to admit I had ‘come to Jesus’ moment with ‘King of the Hill’ when I finally started watching it regularly and grew to love the character of Hank Hill.) Maybe ‘Extract’ suffers because he’s just not giving it his all any more? I’m not saying he didn’t give it his best, but consider how you’d feel after consistently working on projects only to have them undercut somehow. That’s gotta nail you in the mind. But I have to admit I probably didn’t help him at all by missing this one in theaters. Even though it has many things I like (Bateman, Koechner, Simmons and Judge at the helm), I skipped it. Don’t give up Big Mike, the world still needs you. And if Joss Whedon calls schedule a lunch.”

(500) Days of Summer

VPJ: “First – the title. Was this thought up by the same so-so-clever jackass who brought us ‘Face/Off,’ ‘Se7en,’ and ‘Thr3e?’ It’s extremely un-clever (or [un]-cl37er), and it makes my teeth hurt. But that’s beside the point. This film, a non-chronological retelling of the relationship of indie darlings Joseph Gordon-Levitt and Zooey Deschanel overcomes its titular handicap pretty nicely though. As coworkers-turned-lovers-turned-exes, these two have some nice, offbeat chemistry. I can’t overstate how completely impressed I am with J G-L especially; From not caring anything about him whatsoever in that sitcom I hated, the guy has turned in some truly compelling performances in the likes of ‘Brick,’ ‘Mysterious Skin,’ and ‘The Lookout,’ and here he puts a nice, layered spin on the standard Hollywood lovesick dude role. Deschanel’s cute as ever, but a little of her blinky, quirky hipster-girl act goes a long way for me; the movie’s the better for being told from Gordon-Leavitt’s point of view as he flashes back on their relationship and tries to piece together what went wrong. Better, but not perfect – Summer suffers from some terminal cuteness (really? a wise little kid dispensing love advice? really?) which tends to undercut its cool-kid indie vibe every once in a while, but the Harold Pinter (see ‘Betrayal’…seriously) nonlinear structure imbues every happy cute moment with a knowing sadness, and, on balance, the movie is, mostly due to its male lead, pretty darned affecting.”

JE: “See, I was just too, too put off by the hipster pedigree on this one. With the music, Deschanel and JGL it all just seemed too much. Sure you could argue what constitutes ‘hipster’ these days, but something about this flick came off as too cool for school for me. They’re in LOVE! It’s TORTURED! It’s NEW YORK! Here’s THE SMITHS! Too much. Alas, that makes me uncool. Still, I do like Deschanel. She doesn’t seem to have a lot of range – she always seems to hover around cute disinterest – but she makes up for it with what you so aptly described as her ‘blinky, quirky hister-girl’ act. As for JGL (is it OK to call him that? Can we just start and see if it sticks?) you’re right to say he has really grown into a versatile actor, capable of leading man or sidekick status. There was no doubt the guy was going to have a career, he had a floppy-hair charming quality that will get producers to like you. But instead of becoming another Breckin Meyer, he’s making a name for himself. I’m sure this movie will make some of you laugh, cry and feel good about life. But I’ll probably not be watching it with you.”

All About Steve

VPJ: “I’m not watching this. Look, Sandra Bullock’s America’s sweetheart, cute as a bug, the smoochy-sweety-lovie-pie of the universe, and I am, by Federal law, unable to resist her charms. That being said, I don’t really care for her. I don’t dislike her either – she’s just there, always ready to look winsome, smooch a middling male costar, and fall over adorably, and America needs that, I suppose. I mean, it does..right? I dunno…in this one, Bullock’s reviving her ‘cutie-pie-with a teeny-tiny-dark-side’ persona (let’s call it Sandra 2.0) from ‘Forces of Nature,’ in that she’s cute, but a ‘little but crazy’. She also gets to cry a little. Here, she’s a kooky free spirit who decides that Bradley Cooper (who she’s only seen on CNN in his job as a cameraman) is her one true love and follows him in the most disturbing-yet-adorable display of cross country stalking since the last generation’s America’s sweetheart Meg Ryan terrified Tom Hanks in ‘Sleepless in Seattle.’ Can we vote on America’s next sweetheart?”

JE: “You sir may have just hit on a brand new Reality TV show! I like it! America’s Next Sweetheart, hosted by Katherine Heigl! Hmmm…that part might need fixing. Could we get Alicia Silverstone? Think of the challenges: Adorable pratfalls! Lovelorn monologing in the rain! The best friend obstacle course! See the likes of Renee Zellweger, Reese Witherspoon, Amy Adams and more face off! America decides! This could be a real hit. ANYWAY, yeah I got no read on this movie, nor do I want to. Unlike you I’m willing to pay the fine for not liking Sandra Bullock. Sure she seems to have the ability to channel this sort of Mary Tyler Moore-esque quirkiness, but I don’t find myself gravitating towards the movies she makes. Also, do you think there is a Sandra Bullock scrip generator out there? Seriously just plug in Ryan Reynolds, make her a business woman and you got her last movie.”

It Might Get Loud

VPJ: “Portland’s own guitar god Samuel James gives this documentary, about a would-be historic hang session with tri-generational guitar legends Jimmy Page, The Edge, and Jack White a sadly lukewarm review. The problem lies in the jams, according to Sam, where the fact that each of them is unwilling to relinquish his lead guitar status means that they’re all just playing the same chords. He says it sounds like one guitar, echoing slightly. Sam knows stuff.”

JE: “I do not doubt Mr. James knowledge of these things. Though he and I may be enemies after our last encounter at SPACE Gallery. Words were exchanged. Threats made. Lives were changed forever. As for this movie it is slightly more than a jam session with the trio as they revisit what got them on their magical instrument in the first place and how they developed their playing style. But that’s not really what a good music fan renting this wants to see. They’re paying to see them play each others songs and transcend the musical universe as we know it. But apparently that transcendence got put on hold. Who woulda thought three guitar impresarios and legends in their own right (or legend-in-training in White’s case) would want to play second fiddle to anyone?”

LIGHTNING ROUND! Also this week at Videoport: Beyond a Reasonable Doubt (Michael Douglas does a Gordon Gekko in this thriller, playing a sleazy crooked politician), Herb & Dorothy (Documentary about two low-income workers who somehow managed to amass one of the world’s best collections of contemporary art), Family Guy: Something Something Something Dark Side (The show that wouldn’t die tries to wring more laughs out of yet another Star Wars parody), Blind Date (The uber-talented Stanley Tucci and Patricia Clarkson star as an estranged couple trying to patch things up).

Parting Shots:

- Did “District 9″ muddle its message with the depiction of the aliens?
- What will it take for Mike Judge to catch a break?
- What challenges would you want on “America’s Next Sweetheart?”

VideoReport #227

Volume CCXXVII- Godzilla’s Christmas Wish

For the Week of 12/22/09

Videoport says go ahead and look at the date above. Yeah. Three days before Christmas. You can go ahead and panic now. (See Tuesday’s recommendations for our last-minute desperation gift guide!)

Middle Aisle Monday. (Get one free rental from the Sci-Fi, Horror, Incredibly Strange, Mystery/Thriller, Animation or Staff Picks sections with your paid rental.)

>>> Elsa S. Customer suggests Three Days of the Condor (in Mystery/Thriller). Robert Redford, in all his shaggy-blond mid-seventies glory, stars as bookish low-level CIA paper-pusher Joe Turner. His code name: Condor. His job: he sits in a small office in a Manhattan brownstone and reads novels, newspapers, and articles, compiles reports on emerging patterns, and sends off his findings to some other office somewhere. It’s the antithesis of all the glamorous spy novels and daring, resourceful agents that other films sell us. In Turner’s own panicked words, “I’m not a field agent. I just read books!” When his unassuming little office is targeted by a killer, Condor escapes by luck and finds himself on the run on the streets of New York City, not knowing who to trust or to fear. A doe-eyed, strikingly lovely Faye Dunaway plays the cool but terrified woman forced to help him, and Max von Sydow is marvelously chilling as the calm, collected killer. Three Days of the Condor takes place in New York at Christmastime, a festive background that highlights the paranoia and alienation coursing through the story.

Tough and Triassic Tuesday. (Get one free rental from the Action or Classics sections with your paid rental.)

>>> In lieu of our usual, scintillating Tuesday movie recommendation from the Classics or Action sections, (and at least partially because no one sent in a Tuesday recommendation this week- send yours to denmn@hotmail.com), here are some recommendations for those last-minute holiday panic presents we’ve all got hanging over us: 1. Videoport gift certificates! 2. Videoport’s selection of new and previously-viewed DVDs for sale (and remember you get a free rental for yourself when you buy one). 3. We can still special order any movie we don’t have in stock; it won’t get here in time for the big day, but we’ll issue you a gift certificate you can give to the lucky so-and-so. 4. Big-ass boxes of jelly beans. Videoport- we’ve got you covered.

Wacky and Worldly Wednesday. (Get one free rental from the Comedy or Foreign Language sections with your paid rental.)

>>> Elsa S. Customer suggests About a Boy (in Comedy). Are you being driven mad by the ever-present Christmas music piped into stores and malls? Have I got a movie for you: Will Freeman (Hugh Grant) is a free-living bachelor who dreads only two things: the emptiness of his days, and the Christmas season. You see, Will is gainfully unemployed, a lush-life layabout living off his father’s legacy: residuals from the one-hit holiday song, “Santa’s Super Sleigh.” Arrested in adolescence by a life without demands and only his own appetites to please, Will may seem like a born playboy, but in fact, he’s never progressed beyond mere “boy.” The story: an aging hipster with a deep fear of commitment and a carefully crafted personal bubble collides with the real world, here in the form of an ungainly adolescent and his deeply earnest hippie-dippie mother (Nicholas Hoult and Toni Colette, both in marvelously layered performances). It’s adapted from the novel by Nick Hornby, who endows these seemingly aimless and unpleasant characters with empathetic and deeply human traits. This is why, when Will engages in truly appalling behavior, we can almost sympathize with him; he’s really a child trying to muddle along in a man’s life. (Hugh Grant’s trademark twinkle does its work here, too; another actor would have a harder row to hoe. Boy oh boy, I respect Grant more and more as he gets older and explores these less likeable characters.)

Thrifty Thursday. (Get one free movie from any section with your paid rental.)

>>> Elsa S. Customer suggests Eyes Wide Shut (in Feature Drama). At a time when we’re steeped in Christmas classics, it’s tempting to explore the underbelly of holiday films: Christmas movies that don’t feel like Christmas. Kubrick’s controversial final film is perhaps the least family-friendly of the bunch, unless your kids love meandering tales of urban misadventure, marital strife, and secret sexual cabals of rich, powerful men and doped-out supermodel types. After a disturbing evening at a wealthy client’s holiday party and a disillusioning argument with his beautiful wife (Nicole Kidman), Dr. Bill Harford (Tom Cruise) wanders around the streets of New York in a fit of jealousy and envy. It’s never quite clear, however, what sparks his jealousy: his wife’s fantasy revelations or the sexual power his client wields. Bill all but sleepwalks through the film, which is a vague, quasi-sexual odyssey of frustration and missed connections, all shot against the background of a city festooned with holiday ornaments. Though Eyes Wide Shut was promoted as an erotic thriller, it is anything but; it’s a dark examination of class and economic power. Even the Christmas trimmings and tinsel show the economic core of the film: the contrast between the lush decor of the upper-crust homes and the pathetic glimmer of downmarket locales speaks louder than words could do. With its emphasis on the transactional dynamics that plague modern society, and the ways we try to buy and sell each other’s attention and affection… hey, it just may be a modern American Christmas movie after all.

Free Kids Friday. (Get one free rental from the Children’s or Family sections, no other rental necessary).

>>> Elsa S. Customer suggests A Muppet Christmas Carol. Dickens’ A Christmas Carol is indisputably a classic, but the many, many film versions of the tale rarely rise to the challenge it poses; too often, they are more “chestnut” than “classic,” and usually the more gimmicky they are, the worse they are. A Muppet Christmas Carol manages to to meld together two wildly disparate voices — the light, antic tone of Jim Henson’s Muppets with the crisp, wry tenor of Dickens’ original story. Ably assisted by Michael Caine as the dour old miser himself, The Muppets bring the Victorian flavor of the tale to the screen with verve and spirit.

Having a Wild Weekend. (Rent two, get your third movie for free from any section on Saturday and Sunday.)

>>>For Saturday, Dennis suggests Fast, Cheap, and Out of Control (in Documentary). Errol Morris is the greatest documentarian of all time. Yeah, I said it. In most of his films, he’s able to take on a conventional documentary subject and, through filming and interview techniques as unique as they are subtle, transform his films into something riveting and mysteriously moving. Seriously, you should check them all out sometime. Fast, Cheap, and Out of Control is perhaps his most unusual film, in that its thesis takes its sweet time revealing itself. At the start, and for some time thereafter, its intercut interviews among a seemingly-unrelated quartet of men with decidedly-odd jobs (robot designer, expert on the naked mole rat, topiary gardner, lion tamer), while interesting, seem to have little in common. It’s as the film goes on, and Morris’ masterful editing and use of haunting music and stock footage draws the four middle-aged men’s stories closer together, that his themes are revealed, and, if you’re like me, you’re sitting their in awe. It’s that good.

>>>For Sunday, Dennis suggests sending in your lists of the best and worst films of the year! Check out page 2 for part 1 of the picks of the Videoport film geek community and then send in your votes to us at denmn@hotmail.com our Facebook page Videoport Jones or our Myspace page www.myspace.com/videoportjones! Oh, and, while you’re on the computer, check out our movie blog at www.videoportjones.wordpress.com!

New Releases this week at Videoport: District 9 (weird, exciting sci fi from South Africa about a race of aliens living in uneasy proximity to humanity; and then the explosions start!), ‘Pale Force’ (animated sries about the imaginary herioc adventures of fellow comics, and melanin-deprived Irish lads Jim Gaffigan and Conan O’Brien), Herb & Dorothy (documentary about a married postal clerk and librarian who managed to amass one of the most important collections of contemporary art in the world), ‘Cake Boss’ (cooking series about a loud fellas who likes to make the cakes), The Dog Who Saved Christmas (it may be about some sort of dog, perhaps one who saves Christmas), (500) Days of Summer (oddly punctuated indie romance starring twinkly indie staples Zoey Deschanel and Joseph Gordon-Leavitt), ‘Family Guy: Something Something Something Dark Side’ (the TV series that everyone loves but I think is the animated devil is back with yet another Star Wars parody), All About Steve (before she bounced back to relevant-town with The Blind Side, Sandra Bullock’s career was pronounced dead with this abrasive dark comedy), Beyond a Reasonable Doubt (Michael Douglas is back being sleazy as a crooked politician in this thriller), Extract (Mike Judge’s winning streak [Office Space, 'King of the Hill', Idiocracy] comes to an end with this well-cast but disappointing comedy starring Jason Bateman), Blind Date (co-great actors Patricia Clarkson and Stanley Tucci co-star in this drama about an estranged couple who meet for a series of the titular blind dates to try and work things out), It Might Get Loud (Musical documentary follows three generations of guitar gods, Jimmy Page, The Edge, and Jack White as they compare axe theory and then jam).

At Christmas, not about Christmas

Tis the season… to be fed up with tinsel and carols, with bustling crowds and brimming cups of nog. If you’re exhausted from the holiday whirl, relax with these seasonal films that take place at Christmastime but are decidedly un-Christmassy.

The Lion in Winter

Die Hard

Brazil

Holiday

The Shop around the Corner

Toy Story

Doubt

Kiss Kiss Bang Bang

Better Off Dead

The Apartment

The Proposition

Eyes Wide Shut

Meet John Doe

Twelve Monkeys

Three Days of the Condor

The Conversation

Bell Book and Candle

Gremlins

Diner

The Thin Man

Trading Places

Edward Scissorhands

The Ref

The Ice Harvest

Less Than Zero

The Matador

The Videoport film geeks pick their best and worst films released on DVD in 2009! (Look for more next week when everyone else realizes they forgot!)

Dennis

The Best:

15. Synecdoche, NY

14. Drag Me to Hell

13. I Love You Man

12. Let the Right One In

11. Funny People

10. The Wrestler

9. Pineapple Express

8. World’s Greatest Dad

7. Dr. Horrible’s Singalong Blog

6. The Limits of Control

5. Observe and Report

4. Inglourious Basterds

3. Away We Go

2. Up

1. Sugar

The Best TV on DVD: Will Ferrell: You’re Welcome America- A Final Night With George W. Bush, ‘Eastbound & Down’, ‘Scrubs’- season 8, ‘The Office’- season 5, Stella: Live in Boston, ‘30 Rock’- season 3, Patton Oswalt: My Weakness Is Strong, and, greatest of all…’The State’- the complete series!!!!!

The Worst (that I actually saw): Babylon AD, My Best Friend’s Girl, My Bloody Valentine, Land of the Lost, Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen, Blood: The Last Vampire, GI Joe: The Rise of Cobra

Anime Ed

Best:

WALTZ WITH BASHIR

UP

‘VENTURE BROS.’ SEASON 3

CHOWDER

SIGURUI

MUSHI-SHI

RANMA 1/2

HELL-GIRL

SITA SINGS THE BLUES*

THE GIRL WHO LEAPT THRU TIME*

Ed the Renter

Best:

OBSERVE & REPORT

‘CAPRICA’

‘BATTLESTAR GALACTICA’ SEASON 4

‘WIRE’ SEASON 5

DR. HORRIBLES SING ALONG BLOG

‘BREAKING BAD’

MAD DETECTIVE

DEATH NOTE 2

FRIDAY THE THIRTEENTH REMAKE

‘FRINGE’

Notice how this year tv totally kicked the movies butt-take note hollywood!!

*V-port doesn’t have these (yet)-so order them and get a free rental-plug plug!!

April

Top 5:

1. Up

2. Milk

3. Star Trek

4. District 9

5. JCVD

Andy

Top 10 DVDs of 2009:

1. Observe & Report: My pick for the boldest and most surprising movie of the year. And it’s funny, too.

2. Religulous: Larry Charles and Bill Maher have a lot of important and necessary things to say. Good thing they’re funny, too.

3. Star Trek: The most fun I had at a movie all year. And with Simon Pegg in the cast, you know it’s going to be funny, too.

4. Drag Me to Hell: Sam Raimi returns to horror with spectacularly gross and scary results. And it’s funny, too.

5. Anvil! The Story of Anvil: These guys seriously rock, and their plight is the stuff of great drama. And it’s funny, too.

6. Inglourious Basterds: It’s gripping and violent and painfully suspenseful, all while being funny, too.

7. Let the Right One In: A sweet and touching story about the friendship between a 12 year old outcast and the lonely vampire girl who moves in next door. And it’s funny, too.

8. Thirst: The other excellent foreign vampire film that came out this year. And you know what? It’s funny, too.

9. I Love You, Man: Rudd and Segal and the adorable Rashida Jones doing their hilarious improv-y thing. And it’s funny, too!

10. Tyson: Wow. I was surprised and riveted by the fight scenes and Mike’s candid and eloquent comments about his own life. Not funny.

Justin Ellis (Portland Press Herald) & I on the new releases for 12/15/09!

Conflict comes to town! Knife fights! Nazzys! Also…uh…guinea pigs! In this week’s rundown of new releases on DVD Videoport Jones and I revel in Quentin Tarantino’s latest epic and clash over whether ‘The Hangover’ lives up to “guy comedy” standards. Also, there are animated guinea pigs.

Inglourious Bastards

Videoport Jones: “Videoport’s owner Bill has decided to file Quentin Tarantino’s new WWII film in our Incredibly Strange section. Sure, maybe he’s just doing so to piss people off (I think he does that sometimes, just for his own amusement), but, watching it, I really think it’s found its proper home. Part of the reason is how different the actual film is from its advertising, which promised a raucous, hyper-violent wartime romp, with Brad Pitt’s all-Jewish squad shooting, stabbing, and scalping their way through an explosion-a-minute action-revenge flick, although a typically-Quentin-y one. And the other part is, well, (and here there be SPOILERS- I DON’T WANNA HEAR ANY COMPLAINTS!!) they kill Hitler! Yup, to me, ‘Inglourious Basterds’ seems like Quentin is reliving his childhood dreams, playing with his army men in the sandbox and imagining how he’d like the war to go. Along the way, the film consists of a series of largely-static virtuoso dialogue scenes where QT reveals himself, again, to be the most self-assured, prankishly-masterful American filmmaker alive; the opening interrogation scene, the standoff in the basement – Tarantino here toys with his characters and the audience like Hitchock on his best day. (And he once again provides his – this time largely international – cast with pages and pages of dialogue which just vibrates up there on the screen; Brad Pitt is hilariously hammy, Christoph Waltz is going to be a big star due to his slyly evil Nazi Jew hunter turn here, I want to see everything French actress Melanie Laurent ever does, and even Mike Myers is used effectively.) The film, with its sequences separated by evocative title cards, builds like a book of interconnected short stories to its gloriously, ridiculously bananas climax. Quentin is clearly having a ball, wrapping the whole enterprise in his own obsessions (the film is as much about the love of film as it is about killin’ Nazzys). Even the last line of the film is a giddily self-referential in joke boast about QT’s regard for his new film. While I think Basterds is, obviously, one of the best films of 2009, I can’t agree that this is his ‘masterpiece’ for a couple of reasons. One, I thought the film became a little less assured as it marched on to its conclusion; never remotely bad, but narratively the film seems to lose some steam even as the action element heated up. Tarantino pal, and ‘Hostel’ director, Eli Roth has neither the physical nor vocal presence to play such a large role (although he does have the crazy eyes). And one big set piece, set incongruously to Bowie, is audacious all right, but it just doesn’t work. As to the whole ‘revisionist wish fulfillment’ aspect of things, well, like I said – the Incredibly Strange section awaits.”

Justin: “I went back and forth for the longest time over seeing this one in the theater. Like most men, I feel like I have a strange relationship with Quentin Tarantino. While I love his devotion to a big-time 70s action-genre schtick, sometimes his coolness gets in the way of, well, his coolness. We get it Quentin, you are a gifted movie maker. I recently caught both ‘Kill Bill Vol. 1′ and ‘Deathproof’ on cable and genuinely had a blast seeing them again (though I am finding I laugh at inappropriate times in his flicks. Is it wrong I was having a hyena outbreak every time a fountain of blood came out of some recently slashed character?) ANYWAY, ‘Inglorious Bastards’ had the whiff of ‘watch as I do something really cool’ from Tarantino, and it flagged me off. And you know what, I regretted that once ‘Inglorious’ disappeared from theaters. I mean look at what he’s working with here: A big gun like Pitt just chewing up the screen and turns from familiar faces like BJ Novak, Samm Levine and Meyers, and  oh yeah, a breakout from Waltz. (Is there anyway he doesn’t steal a role in a summer tent pole movie in the next few years?). Throw in the fact that it can technically be classified as a ‘war movie,’ (which I am pretty sure I can’t resist thanks to dude hard-wiring) and I had no business missing this one. (Heck I may even overlook the fact that Eli Roth shows up.) That’s the thing about Tarantino movies. Even when he spends time winking and smirking at the camera, it’s still gonna be a heck of an enjoyable time. Whether or not this is his masterpiece remains to be seen, that’ll likely take multiple viewings, which I got no problem with. Still, I’d submit ‘Jackie Brown’ for masterpiece status, but it has no Nazis.”

The Hangover

VPJ: “This should come as no shock whatsoever to anyone who’s ever read this column, but a well-done juvenile comedy is just my cup o’ off-brand beer. The ‘40 Year Old Virgin,’ ‘Knocked Up,’ ‘I Love You Man,’ ‘Funny People,’ ‘Anchorman,’ ‘Talladega Nights’ – I own ‘em all, I watch them frequently, and even the much-smarter Mrs. Videoport Jones concedes their charms, for the most part. So, with all the hoopla over ‘The Hangover’ as the sure-fire hilarious ‘guy movie’ of this past summer, have I added it to my dumb-fun DVD shelf? No freaking way. (Mrs. VJ sighs in relief). From director Todd Phillips (whose ‘Old School’ will probably make its way to the shelf at some point), this is easily the most overrated comedy of the year. I had high hopes (even though, apart from ‘Old School,’ Phillips has churned out ‘Road Trip,’ ‘Starsky & Hutch,’ and ‘School for Scoundrels’…ugh). The cast held some promise: cult comic Zach Galifianakis is a hilarious weirdo, Ed Helms (aka Andy Bernard from ‘The Office’) is always money, and I’ve always liked Bradley Cooper’s unsettling combination of handsomeness and crazy-eyes comic intensity. But ‘The Hangover’ pulls off the neat trick of being both manically-busy and incredibly lazy, a combination that equals desperation. The setup’s not bad – bachelor party in Vegas, wake up in the destroyed hotel suite with no memory of the night before, no groom, and follow the clues to put the previous night’s debauch together. But the scenes are shamefully unshaped, the plot is both ramshackle and slapdash (’slapshackle’?), the roles are badly underwritten (only Helms’ henpecked dentist comes through with any resonance), the dialogue lacks any snap at all, and the film just flails away up there on the screen like Jerry Lewis. I genuinely can’t recall being more let down by a film all year. This is the sort of by-the-numbers, aim-low crude comedy that gives the ‘guy comedy’ genre the bad name that it usually deserves. Adam McKay, Judd Apatow- save us!”

JE: “I’m…I’m speechless. To say nothing of deeply wounded. I thought I knew you Jonesy. I thought we would be high-fiving each other and passing the High Lifes over this one. This…I think this movie gets a special place on the guy movie shelf, a place reserved for the likes of ‘Anchorman,’ ‘40 Year Old Virgin,’  and ‘Caddyshack’ among others. Is this a great movie? No. Is it an expertly-made comedy? No. Will its star loose a little shine after multiple viewings? Absolutely. But there is no way this movie doesn’t leave me a ball of crying laughter in the end. ‘Bachelor party gone awry’ is far from original thought anymore, nor is the concept as Vegas as the big-bad. Yes, none of this should work and yet…it makes for a damn entertaining time. This is one of the times where I am going to say that the sum of the parts makes the whole work, even when on first glance the whole seems like a mess. Do we need to have more of a sense of the characters here? I don’t recall needing one of the Channel 4 newsteam in ‘Anchorman?’ And it was more than fine. The unlikely trio of  Galifianakis, Helms and Cooper (seriously, you have to commend the studio for not throwing a Paul Rudd, Vince Vaughn, Will Ferrell or Wilson brother in there) is what carries this one along with the sort-of backwards storytelling. Sure it may be akin to ‘Dude, Where’s My Car,’ in some ways, but the rapid-fire laughs, dash of slapstick and fun cameos (heck yes Ken Jeong, Rob Riggle and Mike Tyson) make it entertaining. I took the NXT Gal and we were a wreck after seeing this one in the theater. We’ll have to give a split decision on this one old chum. Hope this doesn’t mean ‘guy comedy’ night is off?”

Taking Woodstock

VPJ: “An amiable-enough little doodle from director Ang Lee, this period piece about a mild-mannered closeted gay guy (cult comic Demetri Martin) who, in trying to save his immigrant parents’ rundown motel, finds himself right in the middle of the negotiations to bring the legendary rock festival to town, is better appreciated in its supporting roles. It’s pleasant and amusing enough, but Lee is hampered here by the scripts ordinariness and his choice of leading man. Martin’s standup persona, sort of a stoned, hipster naif, is moderately amusing, and he doesn’t do badly here as the dutiful son who finds himself in over his head. But he comes off like a less charismatic Jason Schwartzman for the most part and the movie lacks a center. There are, as I said, some rewards to be found on the fringes, with Liev Schrieber (uniquely alive as a cross-dressing Korean war vet), Jonathan Groff (slyly elusive as the seemingly-blissed-out concert organizer) and good ol’ Eugene Levy (as Max Yasgur, the local farmer who leased the Woodstock land, Levy created a folksy but shrewd portrait of Yankee ingenuity), but the film itself fades in your memory as soon as the film fades from your TV.”

JE: “I think this film really underwhelmed people from the start. Trying to capitalize on this summer’s Woodstock anniversary, Lee and the studio were both looking for a new or unique look at this event that has been analyzed almost as much as the moon landing, Watergate and the JFK assassination. This is Problem 1. Problem 2 is that in trying to capitalize on the anniversary they were also competing with a flood of other features, documentaries, specials, books, etc, on Woodstock. And as much as I like Martin, Levy and Schriber, they’re not enough of a draw to get me interested in something I’d probably otherwise skip. (Though I do have the feeling the three of them would be good together in something.) Sure it’s not the worst idea for wrapping a fictional tale around a non-fictional event, but really, I just can’t think of anything compelling about this. I don’t even think people in the ‘Woodstock Generation’ would be moved to see this one. Ang Lee’s field goal/attempts rate remains shaky.”

G-Force

VPJ: “Let’s be positive about this movie, shall we? Umm…the fact that Zach Galafianakis has two major releases hitting DVD on the same day bodes well for his film career; sure, I didn’t like either of his films, but he’s still a funny guy. Oh whoops – forgot about the whole positive thing. Um, Sam Rockwell and Tracy Morgan are both hilarious guys, and, therefore, hearing them voice CGI guinea pigs isn’t…altogether disagreeable. The same goes for co-stars Niecy Nash, Steve Buscemi, Bill Nighy, Will Arnett, and Jon Favreau – I have long liked their work, and wish them well in all their future endeavors. Oh, and my dad, an otherwise sober and sensible man, has always liked guinea pigs, has one as a pet right now, and occasionally speaks to it in a funny voice. I may purchase him this movie for Christmas. There. Positivity.”

JE: “Yeoman work as always Jonesy. Yes, let’s keep the positivity flowing, shall we? These cutely rendered guinea pigs are secret agents, who alternate fighting bad guys and warding off unruly children. And who among us hasn’t wondered ‘what would it be like if guinea pigs were SECRET AGENTS?!’ Unlike, say James Bond or Jason Bourne, full-grown actual people who can drive cars, shoot weapons and kick people in the face and not come off as comical. And yes, who wouldn’t like a movie where Zach Galafianakis and Tracy Morgan play their manic energies off each other? And we all know how much I love the woefully underrated Sam Rockwell, who was in a little-known movie called ‘Moon’ that did not feature talking CGI rodents. And Nick Cage! It’s got NICK CAGE! And it was produced by…oh wait…am I reading this right? Can we check this? OK, I’ll wait…Really? Jerry Bruckheimer? Jerry ‘BOOM-SPLODEY’ BRUCKHEIMER? Seriously? Positivity’s OVER. NEXT.”

The Other Man

VPJ: “Liam Neeson thinks his wife, Laura Linney, is cheating on him with Antonio Banderas. That’s exactly who I’d suspect, too. But seriously. This is a great cast. Neeson playing hurt is like watching a mountain in pain – there are depths inside that man. Linney’s always solid and sexy, in a plainly-brainy way. And, hey, I think Banderas has gotten a bum deal, critically speaking. Check him out in the early Almodovar films and tell me he’s just a ‘vapid Latin prettyboy’ (not my words). Plus, he was born to play Zorro. All in all, an intriguing combination of actors; please don’t read anything into the fact that that combination has not enticed me to watch it yet.”

JE: “But does Liam go all ‘Taken’ on Banderas? Do they face-off against each other and destroy five city blocks in the process? A winner-take-all fight to the death for Laura Linney’s love (and brainy sexiness, naturally.) Cause I would be first in line at Videoport to rent that flick. As it is this one is not coming up on my radar. But while we’re on the subject, why HAS Banderas fallen off the map? You’re darn right he was born to play Zorro (a movie I enjoyed immensely), and he was similarly good in ‘Desperado.’ I would think he has the goods to make a long career going back and forth between action flicks for the guys and movies where he takes his shirt off for the ladies. Who knows. Interesting fact: This movie is based on a story by Bernhard Schlink, who also wrote ‘The Reader,’ which was turned into a flick you may remember that got Kate Winslet an Oscar. So, you know, there’s that. Use that information as you will.”

Lightening Round! Also this week at Videoport: “Robot Chicken” – Season 4 (Seth Green opens his toybox again), “The Tudors” – Season 3 (The last season of the series, cancelled right before Henry VIII started to pork out), and two new, spazzy Adult Swim shows for the short-attention-spanned among us “The Drinky Crow Show” and “Lucy: The Daughter of the Devil.”

Parting Shots:

- Did Inglorious Bastards hold up? Could it be Tarantino’s “Masterpiece?”
- Where do you come down on ‘The Hangover?” Team Justin or Team Jonesy?
- Did “Taking Woodstock” suffer from a nostalgia hangover?

VideoReport #226

Volume CCXXVI- Holiday Massacre

For the Week of 12/15/09

Videoport reminds you that you’ve still got…whoa…only ten days left until Christmas. Umm…don’t panic- Videoport’s got new and previously-viewed DVDs for sale, and gift certificates galore to take care of all those greedy, grasping little loved ones left on your shopping list.

Middle Aisle Monday. (Get one free rental from the Sci-Fi, Horror, Incredibly Strange, Mystery/Thriller, Animation or Staff Picks sections with your paid rental.)

>>> Andy suggests Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan (in Sci Fi/Fantasy). What a good time to watch this movie again, or for the first time. The popular new 2009 Star Trek flick makes reference to the “no-win scenario” that Kirk is always on about in Khan, so that’s cool. But, of course, the movie stands on its own as one of the all-time great space action adventures. The exciting scenes of Kirk and Khan engaging in battle are like watching the coolest-ever game of chess…with spaceships! The cast of the original series returns: William Shatner gives perhaps his greatest performance (seriously- I’m not being flippant or condescending- he’s great), Leonard Nimoy, Deforest Kelley- both wonderful. Ricardo Montalban and his amazing chest return from the ‘Space Seed’ episode of the series to play Khan, on of the great scene villains (can you tell I love this movie?) Even Walter Koenig returns as Chekov, which is funny because he recognizes Khan when they meet, even though Koenig was not a ‘Star Trek’ castmember when ‘Space Seed’ aired. Look at me, I’m a nerd!*

*Editor’s note: It’s true.

Tough and Triassic Tuesday. (Get one free rental from the Action or Classics sections with your paid rental.)

>>> Elsa S. Customer suggests Desk Set (in Classics). Bunny Watson (Katherine Hepburn), the brisk and busy head of the research library at a prominent television network, finds her bustling office thrown out of whack when the executives bring in EMERAC, a wall-sized computer, accompanied by its gruff and unpretentious inventor Richard Sumner (Spencer Tracy). Fearing Sumner’s invention will replace her staff researchers, Bunny stands up to Sumner’s questions with withering civility and sharp wit, delivered as only Hepburn can do it. Tracy takes it with blank good humor, and gives us a gruffly charming performance as a preoccupied genius with little interest in social graces, in stark contrast to Bunny’s slick and ingratiating junior-executive gentleman friend. The film is a trifle, but a delightful one, and it rapidly leads up to Christmas festivity that verges on the frantic, with an office party blow-out to top all blow-outs.

Wacky and Worldly Wednesday. (Get one free rental from the Comedy or Foreign Language sections with your paid rental.)

>>> Dennis suggests Welcome to the Sticks (in Foreign Language). Sometimes a customer will ask for a good foreign language comedy and I go blank for a second. Comedy is such a verbal thing, and translation (no matter how good the subtitles) almost invariably flattens it out. (Think about it- the most popular cross-cultural comedies are usually either nonverbal [Jaques Tati] or hyper-physical and broad [Roberto Begnini, Jerry Lewis].) The closest I can usually get is something wry, whimsical, and more properly called a drama (something like Il Postino maybe), so it was a relief to discover this unassuming little French comedy, a refreshingly-ordinary little story that, no doubt, some Hollywood company has already optioned as a vehicle for some second-tier star. Tim Allen maybe, or Kevin James. It’s the story of a mild-mannered post office manager who, in response to his wife’s nagging him to obtain a transfer to a cushier post on the Riviera, makes a wildly ill-conceived bid, only to see himself transferred to a tiny town on the Belgian border. What you get from there is pretty standard stuff, as the city guy, comically misinformed about the dreaded ‘north’ starts out all stuffy and disdainful of his new coworkers’ accents (some deft subtitle jokes here) and funny ways, but then gets to like and understand them, etc, etc. Like I said, pretty standard stuff, but pleasant and actually funny in a way that most (like me) monoligual Americans will easily recognize and largely appreciate. (Oh, and check out OSS 117, another recent French comedy [a James Bond spoof] that is so inspired and goofy that language again is not an obstacle.)

Thrifty Thursday. (Get one free movie from any section with your paid rental.)

>>> Elsa S. Customer suggests The Lion in Winter (in Classics). James Goldman’s stage play of royal family drama is brought to gleefully, grubby life on the screen in The Lion in Winter. It’s Christmas at the castle. The Queen is imprisoned in the tower, and each of Henry II’s prospective heirs has his eye on the throne. How jolly! If you think your family dynamics are a little overwrought, The Lion in Winter will one-up you on every front. The wrangling, slanging marriage between Henry Plantagenet (Peter O’Toole) and Eleanor of Aquitaine (Katherine Hepburn) will make your parents look like lovebirds, and the self-serving treachery of their sons (including an impossibly young Anthony Hopkins in his film debut) makes your bullying, bickering siblings seem positively cheerful. For all its scathing, railing dialogue, the film has a certain buoyant spirit; the whole family is vicious and manipulative, but they certainly are exuberant about it! It’s rather cheering, really… and whatever your family tensions, at least you’re not bickering over a throne. There’s always that.

Free Kids Friday. (Get one free rental from the Children’s or Family sections, no other rental necessary).

>>> Dennis suggests not letting children touch our DVDs. Or drunks. Or domesticated monkeys. Or the inconsiderate. Those groups have trouble remembering that you don’t touch the shiny side of a DVD, ever.

Having a Wild Weekend. (Rent two, get your third movie for free from any section on Saturday and Sunday.)

>>>For Saturday, Elsa S. Customer suggests Brazil (in Feature Drama/the Criterion Collection). If holiday shopping has soured your mood, you’re ripe for Terry Gilliam’s Brazil. In this dystopian consumer-driven future, the streets are full of overloaded shoppers; characters exchange dreadfully pointless pieces of overpriced, over-manufactured junk; a little girl demands that Santa bring her a credit card of her very own. The children of the Buttle household, where there is no chimney but only the ever-present vents, worry that Saint Nick will not visit them on Christmas Eve. How right they are. Whatever holiday you celebrate, take a well-deserved break and enjoy the perverse pleasures of Brazil.

>>>For Sunday, the Anonymous Videoport Drop Box Reviewer suggests Incubus (in Foreign Language). Hey guys, I don’t know if you have noticed this actor that I have been seeing all over the place. He’s been in movies as diverse as Fanboys and Free Enterprise, as well as several television commercials. I’m not sure what his name is but he always plays a character named ‘William Shatner’. He seems totally committed to his character and is very convincing- really fantastic stuff. So I mentioned this guy to a friend of mine, and she told me that he’s been acting for a very long time, especially on television shows like ‘The Twilight Zone’ and ‘T.J. Hooker’, but he’s most famous for a science fiction show called ‘Star Search’. In that show he played Colonel Klink, and would pal around the universe with his buddies Dr. Spock and Dr. ‘Boner’ McCoy (a urologist?), fighting the evil Crampons and the insidious Raglians. But my favorite thing that the actor who plays ‘William Shatner’ has been in is a movie called Incubus. Incubus was made in 1965 and, although shot in the US, will most likely be found in the foreign section*. The reason for this is it’s the only film to date to be shot in Esperanto. Esperanto is an artificial language invented by a Russian philologist (look it up) in the 19th century to be a kind of universal language, so, naturally, no one speaks it. It’s basically the story of a female demon who falls in love with a man of high moral character and tries to corrupt him. When he tries to do the right thing and make an honest woman out of her, the demon feels rejected and violated. To get revenge, she and her other demon cohorts summon the Incubus to kill the character played by the actor who also plays ‘William Shatner’. I really like the look of this movie, starkly shot in black and white. It has plenty of religious and even satanic iconography. Although my absolute favorite thing in this movie is a fight scene involving the female lead and a goat. Seriously, how often do you see a woman fight a goat? That’s gotta be the coolest thing ever. Anyhoo, in closing, although the whole ‘William Shatner’ thing is fun and good for a laugh, I’d like to see this very talented actor stretch a little and play some more varied roles like he used to.

*Editor’s note: Yup.

Fine, Fine, We Give Up… (or Videoport Now Carries Blu-Ray…Hooray!!!!)

Well, blu-ray has been around for a good, long while now, and the very, very slight interest in it has grown to a very slight interest, so we’ve brought in the first batch of blu-ray discs to the store. Why the wait? Well: 1. It’s pretty superfluous; it’s more expensive than DVD, and requires very expensive TV and sound systems to show any upgrade at all (and that cost doesn’t include the cost of a whole blu-ray player). 2. Videoport’s Jordan (the most fanatical audio/visual tech geek in the history of the world) estimates that, on his space-age equipment, there’s about a 25% improvement in picture over DVD and absolutely no upgrade in sound quality. 3. It seems like a marginally-improved technology which has been massively hyped in order to make people buy the movies and TV shows they already have all over again. Anyhoo, if you’ve already joined the blu-ray revolution, please peruse the following list of Videoport’s inaugural blu-ray trial balloon and rent the heck out of ‘em (if you want us to expand the collection), enjoy your major equipment purchases, and remember- since they’re all new, we’ll be able to know exactly who’s mistreating them, so DON’T TOUCH THE SHINY SIDE!!!:

American History X

American Psycho

Batman Begins

Being There

Blow

Boondock Saints

Braveheart

Bullitt

Casino

Casino Royale

Coraline

Corpse Bride

Dark City

The Dark Knight

Dogma

Donnie Darko

Fargo

Fast & Furious

Fight Club

Full Metal Jacket

The Getaway (Steve McQueen version, of course)

Ghost In the Shell 2.0

Gladiator

The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly

Goodfellas

The Graduate

Harry Potter and the Sorceror’s Stone

Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets

Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire

Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix

Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince

I Am Legend

Ice Age: The Dawn of the Dinosaurs

In the Realm of the Senses

‘John Adams’

A Knight’s Tale

The Last Samurai

Last Year at Marienbad

The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen

Live Free or Die Hard

‘Mad Men’- season 1

‘Mad Men’- season 2

The Matrix

The Mist

Patton

The Perfect Storm

Playtime

‘Planet Earth’- the Complete Series

Quantum of Solace

Raging Bull

Repulsion

Requiem for a Dream

Reservoir Dogs

Risky Business

Robocop

Ronin

Silence of the Lambs

Speed

Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home

State of Play

Sweeney Todd

The Terminator

Terminator Salvation- Director’s Cut

There Will Be Blood

Tropic Thunder

2001: A Space Odyssey

Underworld

Underworld: Rise of the Lycans

Unforgiven

The Usual Suspects

V for Vendetta

The Wages of Fear

Watchmen- The Director’s Cut

Wedding Crashers

The Wedding Singer

The Wild Bunch

X Men Origins: Wolverine

Zack and Miri Make a Porno

New Releases this week at Videoport: Inglourious Basterds (the new Quentin Tarantino movies here! And it’s a completely bananas and completely awesome WWII action/drama/revisionist history and you can find it in Videoport’s Incredibly Strange section; yeah, we put it there, and there’s nothing you can do about it…), The Hangover (some drinking buddies lose their friend/the groom after a blackout bachelor party night in Vegas in this comedy starring Ed Helms, Bradley Cooper, and Zach Galafianakis; some of you may have heard of it), G Force (the week’s release that Zach Galafianakis is perhaps less happy about, in this one he’s the human pal of a litter of wisecracking, CGI guinea pigs voiced by the likes of such other overqualified and justifiably-sheepish stars as Sam Rockwell, Penelope Cruz, and Tracy Morgan), The Other Man (Liam Neeson thinks wife Laura Linney is cheating on him with Antonio Banderas; that’s whom I’d suspect too…), ‘Robot Chicken’- season 4 (Seth Green continues to get laughs and mileage out of his childhood toybox with this stop-motion animated show), ‘The Tudors’- season 3 (they decided to shut this series down right before Henry VIII stopped being so hot), Taking Woodstock (Ang Lee directs this whimsical period piece about a shy young guy [comedian Demetri Martin] who finds himself instrumental in bringing the legendary music festival to his parents’ sleepy little town), ‘The Drinky Crow Show’- season 1 (new spazzed-out, 11 minute episodes of hilarity from the Adult Swim people; this one features alums of ‘Mr. Show’, ‘The Simpsons’, and Dave Herman, from Office Space), ‘Lucy: The Daughter of the Devil’- season 1 (created by alums of ‘Home Movies’, this one boasts the voice of Coach McGuirk himself Jon Benjamin as Satan!), Hollywood, Je T’aime (a depressed gay Frenchman comes to Hollywood to try and be a movie star), Summer Hours (Juliette Binoche stars in this bittersweet French comedy about a trio of adult siblings coping with the disposition of their mother’s estate after she dies),

New Arrivals this week at Videoport: Chai Lai Angels (it’s a Thai version/ripoff of Charlie’s Angels! I have literally no idea how to respond to this!), The Girl From Monaco (French dramedy about a high-powered defense attorney, the Russian mob, his bodyguard, and a dizzy weathergirl on the make), Collision (British miniseries about the investigation into the lives of the people involved in a deadly car crash…or collision, if you will), Place of the Execution (another British psychological thriller, this time about a filmmaker looking into a famous, forty-year old murder case; starring Truly, Madly, Deeply’s Juliet Stevenson), ‘Mondovino’- the complete series (wine, wine, and more wine in this documentary series…about wine!).

Justin Ellis (Portland Press Herald) & I on the week’s new releases (12/8/09)

Since we’re getting into the throes of heavy snow season (and parking ban season), what better time to rent a DVD? Videoport Jones and I take a look at what’s new on DVD this week, including a surprising performance from Robin Williams, the return of the world’s favorite boy wizard and Michael Mann (who some may have called a boy wizard at one point.) Also this week, a special guest appearance from Mrs. Videoport Jones!

World’s Greatest Dad

Videoport Jones: “I think the greatest compliment I can pay this new comedy from writer-director Bobcat Goldthwait (which, as you’ll see, I liked very much) is that I never once had to fight the urge to seek out Robin Williams’ home address, secure a reasonable airfare to that location, and then, upon Williams answering the door, punch him very hard in the face. Don’t get me wrong – I love Robin Williams. There was a time when I saw Mr. Williams as the funniest man in the world. Sure, I was pretty young, and I hadn’t seen Richard Pryor yet, but still. And then his quicksilver comic inventiveness curdled into self-satisfied mugging and self-indulgence. While he can be a solid dramatic actor when well-directed, he also has a soppy, self-indulgent thing which can, again with the face punching. ‘World’s Greatest Dad’ shows Williams at his most restrained and affecting in the story of a likeable-but-timid high school teacher and would-be writer who is burdened with the worst teenage son in the history of the world. Mean, dumb, willfully offensive, and obsessed with internet porn, this kid (played by that little dude from the ‘Spy Kids’ movies!) is a truly repulsive little creep, resisting every effort by his loving but exasperated dad to reach him. So, when the lad accidentally pulls a Michel Hutchence (or possibly David Carradine), Williams, trying to give the kid some post-mortem dignity, stages it like a suicide, along with a false, but eloquent suicide note, which causes the heretofore indifferent-to-him students and faculty of his school to view him with respect, and the heretofore-understandably-hostile-to-his-son world to pretend that they liked him all along. From there, the film becomes a mordantly-funny, slyly satirical, and unexpectedly moving exploration of America’s tendency to mythologize the recently dead, especially when, seeing the seeming good his fake note is causing, Williams produces his son’s (fictitious) journal, which draws national attention. Sure it’s a little choppy in parts, but Goldthwait (as he did in his ‘Sleeping Dogs Lie’) is revealing himself as a rudely humanistic social satirist, able to wring laughs and tears out of seemingly-offensive premises. And he was able to bring out the best in Robin Williams, which is most appreciated. One of the best films of the year.”

Justin: “Oh, so THAT’s what they mean by ‘Dark Comedy.’ Yikes. I always wonder what it’s like in the pitch meeting for movies like this. ‘So it all centers around when the awful, misanthropic son accidentally kills himself in a sex game gone wrong. AND THEN it gets hilarious!’ What do movie executives go from there? Do they automatically say ‘can we get Robin Williams for the role of the father? BRILLIANT!’ Who knows. While I like the premise of this movie, part of me can’t get around the fact that it hinges on the death of a teenager, even an awful one. Since the kid was a jerk are we suppose to be OK with it? But moving past that you get into some weird universal truths, which can lead to genuine comedy. You are right my friend, we do have a strange obsession with placing the recently dead up on a pedestal. With the exception of the universally reviled, we seem to give a pass and even a small halo to those who may have been less than likable while alive. It may seem like a strange thing to say about a movie with Robin Williams, but there could be something to learn from this flick. Maybe it’s about the human condition…or that Robin Williams can be serviceable given the right conditions. You decide.”

Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince

VPJ: “Have you heard about this movie? Some sort of boy wizard. Weird. But I kid the monster money vacuum film franchise. I dunno, I may have to cede this one to you, Justin; I saw the first one, which I roundly despised, have heard that it got better (when they hired real directors like Alfonso Cuaron), and has now settled back into a nice, lucrative mediocrity. I suppose, were one inclined to find reasons to watch, there have been some great actors along the way (Gary Oldman, Michael Gambon, Ian Hart, Alan Rickman, Kenneth Branagh, Maggie Smith, Ralph Fiennes, David Thewlis), but, oddly those reasons haven’t done the trick for me. Clearly I’m in the minority, so you guys have fun…”

JE: “We are indeed in the minority here. Though geeks we may be, this is one fantasy realm that doesn’t make sense to us. But, and this may come as a surprise, I’m going to go ahead and defend the boy wizard. I was at a gathering a few months back that included a group of kids plopped down in front of one of the Potter movies. It was captivating to them and I recognized the look in their faces. I think it had to mirror the way I looked when I watched the Star Wars movies as a kid. As for the actual content of the movie? Meh. Tons of flashy special effects, teenage (wizardy) angst and more than a little non-kid friendly themes. So what happens in this installment in the series? I’m gonna say evil is afoot, Harry grows a little bit older (leading to many a Bobby Brady-esque puberty hijicks) and it falls to the gang at Hogwarts to save the magic and non-magic world. Look, I’ve always said I have no ill-will towards the Potter franchise because I’m a fan of anything that gets kids to read, and if it gets them into movies, that’s fine too. Now the ‘Twilight’ franchise, that’s another story…”

Public Enemies

VPJ: “Have you heard about this John Depp fellow? He seems to be some sort of actor? Weird. But I kid the world’s most popular entertainer. This gangster pic about the dogged pursuit of John Dillinger by G-Man Melvin Purvis and his fedora-topped pals comes to us courtesy of style monster Michael Mann. I like Mann’s fierce dedication to surfaces which, in films like ‘Manhunter,’ ‘The Insider,’ and ‘Heat’ can produce a glossy excitement. In others, like ‘Miami Vice’ and, well, this, the style takes over, sapping the substance and leaving the whole enterprise just inert up there on the screen. Which is a neat trick here, since ‘Public Enemies’ is populated by some truly compelling screen subjects; apart from the Depp, Mann’s camera bleeds the life from the likes of Christian Bale, Billy Crudup (as a sly J. Edgar Hoover), Marion Cotillard, Giovanni Ribisi, Stephen Dorff, Rory Cochrane, and James Russo. He does know how to shoot an action sequence (and his use of a more rough-and-tumble handheld approach livens things up a bit), but ‘Public Enemies’ never gets inside, underneath, or, really, anywhere near its characters and the film just…is. Hope that Depp kid comes out okay…”

JE: “Sometimes when you keep scratching to get below the surface you just wind up finding more surface. This is Michael Mann. And if Mann had filmed this exchange between us there would have been lots of close and mid-range shots of us looking pensive, soaking up the surroundings while offering minmal dialogue. And then probably a gun fight. So, you know, that’s cool. I’m putting ‘Public Enemies’ on my ‘movies to watch’ list, but maybe not high on that list. I’m a fan of the cast (even with Stephen Dorff) and I’m curious about how Mann’s style, specifically towards action, would translate into a kind of period movie. If he’s using the same techniques from ‘Heat’ and ‘Miami Vice,’ then those Tommy Gun shootouts are going to be seriously intense. Mann’s style is very distinctive, it’s a kind of detached and deliberate voyeurism that brings viewers into the action but often doesn’t give a sense of characters. Sometimes this is OK, other times not so much. I’ll be the first to admit that while I thought ‘Miami Vice’ was a bad movie, I’ve rewatched it on occasion because frankly it’s nice to look at. Maybe that’s not so bad. And of course I’m sure there are armies of women who would agree that Mr. Depp is nice to look at too.”

Lost – Season 5

VPJ: “Have you heard about this show? Some sort of ‘Gilligan’s Island’ thing, but with polar bears? Huh. Weird. But I kid the formerly-unstoppable ratings machine currently in decline. I liked the first season of ‘Lost.’ A couple of decent character actors (especially Terry O’Quinn), some nice spooky WTF? moments, and twist after twist. After twist. When the twists kept coming halfway through the second season, and the show seemed utterly uninterested in resolving 75% of the previous ones, and when the weekly character flashback structure started to play itself out, well, I tuned out. Like ‘Twin Peaks,’ it seemed like ‘Lost’ was eventually just going to keep throwing whacked-out ideas at the wall (my attention span) and seeing what stuck without much rhyme or reason, so I bailed like D.B. Cooper. I know I’m a quitter and all, but there’re only so many hours I can devote to trying to unravel a mystery whose authors seem to have less of an idea of what’s going on than I do. Justin – you’re a Lost-ie, right? Help a partner out.”

JE: “Hahahahaha! Oh poor Jonesy. The road get to twisty and turny for you? All those puzzles and mind games make your head hurt? Oh you poor man. OK, jokes aside, I have not touched ‘Lost’ and frankly will probably stay far away from it until it wraps up next year. Why? If I’m gonna invest in one big mind frak then I’d like to consume it all at once, thank you. I am a big fan of J.J. Abrams. I dug ‘Alias,’ I liked his take in ‘MI:3,’ I’m watching ‘Fringe’ and as all of you know I was over the moon for ‘Star Trek.’ But ‘Lost’ is where me and the JJ-man parted ways. Granted, it’s not like I’m a guy who steers away from complex TV since I stayed with ‘Battlestar Gallactica’ till the end and recently watched ‘The Prisoner’ remake. But something about ‘Lost’ threw me off from the beginning, and since it’s a show based on long story arcs that made it easy to stay away. Like I said, I’ll take it all in once it’s over. Until then ‘Lost’ heads can enjoy their island, their polar bears, their Dharma Initiatives and whatnot. You know who you are.”

Julie & Julia

Mrs. Videoport Jones (substitution!): “Nora Ephron’s ‘Julie and Julia’ melds together two disparate tales: Julia Child’s posthumously published memoir of her culinary education, and Julie Powell’s blog-to-book account of a year cooking her way through Child’s encyclopaedic ‘Mastering the Art of French Cooking,’ V. I & II. It should surprise no one that Meryl Streep was the choice to bring the larger-than-life Julia Child to the screen. Of all actors working today, only Streep could hone her voice and mannerisms to echo the unique rolling giggle, the highs and lows, the familiar and beloved songbird voice of Julia Child. What is surprising? How marvelously Streep captures Child’s essence: The vim, the brio, the joie de vivre and jolly bravado that Julia Child brought to all her public enterprises… and how beautifully the film peeks into the vigor that she brought to private life, as well. Streep’s Julia Child embraces life with a cheeky, boisterous air and a sexy sauciness that extends beyond the kitchen. Rarely has the screen seen a couple as frankly and believably in love as Julia and Paul (Stanley Tucci), her dapper diplomat husband. Indeed, the whole film is filled with canny casting choices. Watching Jane Lynch and Meryl Streep crowing and groaning and giggling together, you can easily believe them as sisters. Chris Messina plays Julie Powell’s loving but ill-treated husband, and he transforms the thankless doormat role into something both earnest and playful. Then there’s the biggest casting trick of all: Amy Adams as Julie Powell. Adams brings twinkle and cuteness to a part that is, frankly, pretty unsympathetic: Julie Powell’s writing voice is blankly self-involved, entitled, and whiny, simultaneously resentful of the task she had set herself and and ignorant of its depths. Amy Adams takes all those attributes and wraps them up into an almost lovable package of spunky determination and colorful failures, bringing a taste of sweetness and a bit of backbone to a shrill, unlikeable character.”

JE: “Uh…wow. I don’t really think I can top that. Mrs. J has actually made me consider watching a movie I had no interest in seeing. Not because of the topic (I dig cooking and we’ve got many cookbooks – including Child’s – at the NXT Estate), but because of the melding of the two stories. For anyone who doesn’t know, a movie on Julia Child’s life would be an outstanding feature (world class cook, quirky character, TV pioneer, and oh, yeah, SPY.). A story on Julie Powell’s book would be, well, a disappointment and an exercise in narcissism. Read the books. Mrs. J you are welcome to sub in for your hubby any time. Maybe we should have Mrs. J and the NXT Gal pinch hit around here sometime…”

SPEED ROUND: Also this week at Videoport: “Beautiful Losers” (A documentary about the skatepunk artistic rebels of the 90s, including Spike Jonze [yay!] and Harmony Korine [you suck!]), “The Lion’s Den” (Argentinian drama about an incarcerated mom trying to raise her kid), “Somers Town” (another gripping tale of unlikely friendships in the British underclass from director Shane Meadows ["This Is England"]), “The Boy With the Sun In His Eyes” (The latest gay-themed drama from Bangor, Maine’s own auteur Todd Verow), “Into the Storm” (Brendan Gleeson as Winston Churchill), and four, count ‘em four newly-released episodes of Mystery Science Theater 3000: The Corpse Vanishes, Warrior of the Lost World, Santa Claus, and the classic Night of the Blood Beast!

Parting shots:

- What’s the formula for a good Robin Williams movie?
- Lost fans, how would you convince a newcomer to watch your show?
- Would you watch a movie on the life of Julia Child?

VideoReport #225

Volume CCXXV- Jo Jo Gamera, Your Life Is Calling

For the Week of 12/8/09

Videoport reminds you that the Holiday Season is barreling down upon us like a brakeless freight train. In an unrelated announcement, Videoport would like to further remind you that we have a great selection of gift certificates, new and previously-viewed movies for sale, and can order anything you need in time for the big day.

Middle Aisle Monday. (Get one free rental from the Sci-Fi, Horror, Incredibly Strange, Mystery/Thriller, Animation or Staff Picks sections with your paid rental.)

>>> Elsa S. Customer suggests Night of the Living Dead (in Horror). In a recent conversation with a friend, I came to the jolting realization that for some people, the title Night of the Living Dead does not bring to mind Romero’s 1968 classic of creeping, low-level, low-budget anxiety, but instead conjures up memories of the pallid, sloppy full-color 1990 remake. Warning, warning [and spoiler alert]: guys, it’s not even the same movie. NotLD 1990 is a loving homage, sure, but even the fates of the characters are different, which makes the film as a whole a different narrative and much less susceptible to intelligent cultural dissection. (To be fair, remake- director Tom Savini has little interest in cultural dissection, being almost exclusively interested in actual dissection… or whatever passes for it on film. A special-effects and makeup artist from the splashy school, Savini has an unabashed love for big gooey explosions of fake innards. He’s the guy who brought you the goopy gore and over-the-top makeup of Romero’s intentionally goofy sequel Dawn of the Dead. ) No, Romero’s original is taut, eerie, and filled with social statement, intentionally or otherwise. Unlike the sequels and remakes, it rarely invites guffaws or giggles; Night of the Living Dead brings on uncomfortable fits of tittering, nervous laughter mixed with groans and silent dread. Like all great stories, it’s not about the event (the dead are rising from their graves!) but about how people respond to the event, and to each other; it’s about social dynamics in terrifying and emotional circumstances.

Tough and Triassic Tuesday. (Get one free rental from the Action or Classics sections with your paid rental.)

>>> Dennis suggests The Emerald Forest (in Action). This 80’s era jungle adventure has a lot going for it: the ever-manly Powers Boothe, some spectacularly-filmed locations, hallucinogenic drug trips, action, some hot native girls who don’t go in for shirtwear. It’s also completely bonkers, which is refreshing. Supposedly based on a true story (one assumes, up to a point fairly early on), the film follows American engineer Boothe on his ten year quest to find his son who was seemingly abducted by Brazilian tribesmen. When he does eventually track down the lad, the boy’s a strapping blonde native warrior with a really hot girlfriend and a fast track towards toe chieftain-ship, so he’s not exactly psyched to leave with his middle-management dad and learn the right fork to use with the salad course. So dad hangs out with the natives, talks with the elderly chief (who’s allowed a sly sense of humor), smokes some blue stuff that unlocks his spirit animal (or something), and gradually begins to see his son’s point of view. But, when goons under the employ of Boothe’s own land-raping company (dum-dum-DUMMMM) invade the village and start killing and enslaving everybody, well, then it’s time for some good-old father/son bonding-through-killing. Sure it’s silly, but The Emerald Forest has a nice, propulsive style, it’s never dull, and there’s enough sex, violence, and drugs, that it’s message of the unspoiled purity of those who live close to the jungle goes down painlessly. Plus, it’s pretty mindblowing to anyone who’s seen “Long Way ‘Round’, ‘Long Way Down’, or ‘Race to Dakar’ (recently acquired by Videoport!), to see young Charley Boorman (son of the film’s director John) at 18; unlike the puffy-faced, leather-clad pal o’ Ewan McGregor you see there, he’s a lithe,Tarzan-bodied hunk here, although still with those bug eyes and beady little teeth.

Wacky and Worldly Wednesday. (Get one free rental from the Comedy or Foreign Language sections with your paid rental.)

>>> Elsa S. Customer suggests Trading Places (in Comedy).  With the recent snowfall, I’m starting to get in the holiday spirit. Today, I’m celebrating a little early with Eddie Murphy and Dan Aykroyd. There’s nothing like betrayal, penury, and revenge on the Wall Street bigwigs to give life that Christmas twinkle! Louis Winthorpe III (Aykroyd) is a privileged and successful executive in a ritzy brokerage house, but his even-more-privileged bosses (Don Ameche and Ralph Bellamy) wonder if his success is due to his own efforts or to his upbringing and surroundings. With the callous insouciance of the mindbogglingly wealthy, they use Winthorpe’s life and livelihood as a the basis for a brotherly bet: toss him out of his envied position, ruin his reputation, and see if he sinks or swims. In his place, they groom street grifter Billy Ray Valentine (Eddie Murphy), a smart cookie with little formal education and a mismatched set of social skills, but loads of charisma and life experience. The plotline is silly and in other hands could easily be stilted and predictable, or become a dismissive and superficial buddy comedy, but Murphy and Aykroyd make the whole thing hum along like a beautiful machine. And a machine it is; the film’s structure owes a good deal to the screwball comedies of the 30s and 40s, and particularly to the social-class comedies like The Lady Eve or My Man Godfrey. It’s also a buddy movie, and it’s marvelous to watch Aykroyd and Murphy let their incompatible types find the nices and nooks of compatibility between them. They inhabit their characters so fully, imbue them with real depth and intelligence and humor, never letting them feel like caricatures or plot vehicles. The story does deal with a great many racial and social stereotypes, and imperfectly acknowledges them as stereotypes, but the central parts are so marvelously cast, so intensely alive and real, that I can forgive it its failings. Also, it’s freakin’ funny, so there’s that.

Thrifty Thursday. (Get one free movie from any section with your paid rental.)

>>> Elsa S. Customer suggests A Clockwork Orange (in Feature Drama). I’m endlessly fascinated by Kubrick’s films, yet I can rarely put my finger on what exactly makes them tick along like a … well, the title reference is a little too obvious here, so I’ll skip that. Anyhow… It took years of watching and rewatching Kubrick’s three most ambitious and idiosyncratic films ( A Clockwork Orange, The Shining, 2001: A Space Odyssey) to notice: the effect is somehow greater than the sum of its parts. These films are lavishly detailed, intently staged, beautifully shot, and — beneath the smooth polish of design and style — almost always emotionally empty. A Clockwork Orange is a perfect example of this: the tale of Alex, the viciously anti-social droog tapped for psycho-medical rehabilitation seems impossible to bring to the screen. How can you portray the torture, the dreadful force, the chilling depth of Alex’s disdain for humankind? How do you show his acts of outrage without violating his key characteristic of affectless insouciance? Kubrick does it with towering, vicious majesty; the film is a horrific masterpiece of unfeeling brutality. Even the camera silently shows us Alex’s distorted worldview: over and over, Alex (Malcolm McDowell, in an utterly nauseating but weirdly charm-filled performance) appears in the middle of an overwide shot, the camera’s perspective causing the peripheral characters to recede into the distance, their forms bending and swaying while he stays strong, straight, and centered. Once again, Kubrick has eviscerated an emotionally charged story, leaving only its towering trappings. Like so many of his films, A Clockwork Orange is like a drum: it resonates so loudly because it is empty.

Free Kids Friday. (Get one free rental from the Children’s or Family sections, no other rental necessary).

>>> Dennis suggests that, and I don’t want to offend anyone here, that CHILDREN (AND IRRESPONSIBLE, CARELESS PEOPLE) SHOULD NEVER BE ALLOWED TO HANDLE OUR DVDS. We don’t touch the shiny side kids, and we don’t smear jelly on it, and we don’t leave it out on the floor ’cause it’s so shiny and pretty. That is all…

Having a Wild Weekend. (Rent two, get your third movie for free from any section on Saturday and Sunday.)

>>>For Saturday, Elsa S. Customer suggests Miller’s Crossing (in Feature Drama). It’s Chicago, during Prohibition, and Tom is causing trouble. Again. The leaders of two rival gangs, Leo O’Bannon and Johnny Caspar (Albert Finney and Jon Polito) clash over a small business matter: should a small-time bookie (John Turturro) be killed, or protected? This seemingly simple proposition gets indescribably complicated, as the ties between the characters get unearthed. The whole story revolves around the efforts of Tom Reagan (Gabriel Byrne), O’Bannon’s right-hand man, to ease tensions the only way he knows how: persuading Leo to let him kill that guy, already. But nothing is ever that simple, not in noir and not in a Coen Brothers’ film. The twisty-turning plot feels a little bit like two noirs woven together… and I intend that as a compliment. As always with Coen Brothers’ period pieces, the background is spectacular, in that unspectacular noir-y way: richly designed and fully believable houses, offices, flophouses, and cars; period costumes that look lived-in instead of costume-y; the snappy patter that flows off everyone’s tongue; and always — in the office, in the hallway, in the alley — the shadows, looming. But there’s more here than you’ll find in the average noir: a depth, a sorrow, a richness of metaphor that makes Miller’s Crossing a stand-out, even in the Coens’ oeuvre.

>>>For Sunday, Elsa S. Customer suggests Ratatouille (in Comedy). If you’re taking home this week’s hot new culinary tale for adults, Julie and Julia, why not give the kids a culinary treat as well: Ratatouille, Pixar’s delightful story about a winsome rat (voiced by the hilarious Patton Oswalt) with an unusually refined palate… a gutter rat who aspires to become a world-class chef. The echoes of Julia Child’s own story are amusing and touching, and Remy will charm you right out of your chef’s toque.

New Releases this week at Videoport: Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince (have you guys heard about this Harry Potter deal? It’s like he’s some sort of wizard boy…huh, weird…), Julie & Julia (Meryl Streep is a hoot playing the legendary gourmand Julia Child; Amy Adams fights hard to make the ‘Julie’ of the title [a whiny blogger who cooked her way through Child's most famous recipes] even remotely likeable), Public Enemies (some guy named Depp plays famous gangster John Dillinger; luckily for that poor sucker, he’s surrounded by a stellar supporting cast including Christian Bale, Billy Crudup, Giovanni Ribisi, Stephen Dorff, Christian Bale, Rory Cochrane, and Marion Cotillard), Jar City (who’s up for an Icelandic serial killer thriller?!), Kevin Nealon: Now Hear Me Out (former SNL-er and current ‘Weeds’ cult favorite Nealon brings his serviceable comedy styling to this new standup special), ‘Lost’- season 5 (so there are these people stuck on some sort of island? With, like a polar bear or something? Huh, weird…), ‘Rescue Me’- season 5, part 2 (Denis Leary continues to bring disgrace upon the heads of us Dennises everywhere as his drunken fireman fights with women, alcoholism, seemingly everyone in the world, and the occasional fire), World’s Greatest Dad (Bobcat Goldthwait directs pal Robin Williams to shocking glory in this dark comedy about teen suicide, fame, and auto-erotic asphyxiation; seriously, it’s one of the best movies of the year), Beautiful Losers (from the IMdB: “In the early 1990’s, while most of the country was still reeling from the Reagan era, a loose-knit group of American artists develop a cultural movement influenced by the D.I.Y attitude and underground youth cultures of skateboarding, graffiti and punk rock.”- a couple of the subjects include Spike Jonze and Harmony Korine), Humble Pie (comedy about a hefty young dude who wants to be an actor), Lion’s Den (Argentina’s entry for this year’s Foreign Language Oscar is this drama about a young woman trying to raise her child while she’s in prison), Somers Town (two unlikely friends in London deal with homelessness, family prejudice, and loving the same girl), The Boy With the Sun in His Eyes (from Bangor, Maine’s own indie auteur Todd Verow comes his latest gay-themed thriller), Into the Storm (Brendan Gleeson takes over the role of Winston Churchill from Albert Finney in this continuing BBC biopic about the legendary statesman).

New Arrivals this week at Videoport: Evangelion 1.01 (new Anime! There may be robots!), Merry Madagascar/Party With the Penguins (it’s a Christmas-related animated spinoff from the moderately-successful children’s series! Originality!), Runaway (indie thriller about a pair of young brothers trying to start over in a new town, until their past catches up with them), Shank (secretly-gay British skinhead tries to hide his sexuality from his droogs, which becomes more difficult when he falls in love with the French guy they were beating the crap out of; I’m sure the guys’ll be understanding…), Valley of the Heart’s Delight (Pete Postlethwaite stars in this 1930s-set thriller about a kidnapping, a reporter, and a lynch mob), and Videoport brings in four more episodes of the legendary comedy series MST3k (that’s Mystery Science Theater 3000 to the uninitiated): Warrior of the Lost World, Santa Claus, The Corpse Vanishes, and the all-time classic Night of the Blood Beast!

Park for free at Videoport! Yup, just pull into any downtown parking garage and then ask for a Park & Shop sticker from your friendly neighborhood Videoporter and we’ll get you a free hour of parking therein. (And remember: parking meters are off after 6pm, Monday-Saturday and all day on Sunday, and the parking lot behind the building is open for free one hour parking after 5pm Monday-Friday and all day on the weekends).

Justin Ellis (Portland Press Herald) and I on the new releases for 12/1/09

Around these parts we burn franchises to the ground and punch kittens. Sounds like we should get a TV/film development deal, right? OK, all will be explained later. For now just know that when new DVDs are released, Videoport Jones and I do the dirty work so you don’t have to.

Terminator: Salvation

Videoport Jones: “This seems like an overly-dismissive review of this week’s tentpole release, but…nope, not interested. I mean, who was interested in Terminator 3? Calculate that, and then subtract another 25% of my interest for this one. Look, the original ‘Terminator’ is great, at least partially by virtue of its low-budget grubbiness (seriously, look at the effects there – they are, especially in the end, endearingly dopey), and the second skates by on spectacle (it was the first film to surpass a $100,000,000 budget, so James Cameron had lots of toys to play with). But the third – I mean, who actually cared? And now the fourth, apart from the YouTube-aided dimwit scandal that only ridiculous no-life-having people cared about, hits the DVD, and, it’s just not on my radar. Following the trend of, oh, every movie series ever, the Terminator franchise is less and less rewarding as it goes on. As for star Christian Bale, well, I’m gonna go off on a small tangent. I like Bale, and admire his willingness to transform himself for a role, but I find my inability to picture a Bale performance in my head for any sustained period as indicative less of Bale’s chameleon-like abilities than his slight deficiency of charisma. It’s not crippling – he’s the best screen Batman (although, like all screen Batmen, he’s second banana to his villains), but part of the reason why he’s so effective in ‘American Psycho’ is that the joke that he’s indistinguishable from the rest of the 80’s Wall Street prettyboys hinges on that very fact. As for this movie itself – eh.”

Justin: “You know it’s a bad sign when a movie franchise is literally put up for sale. When even the most money-hungry and creativity-starved studio throws up their hands and says ‘We got NOTHING, sell it!’ And yet that is what’s happened with The Terminator. I’ll fess up: The ’splosion, robot, car-chase loving dude in me liked these films (though never saw 3, so your hypothesis holds up for now.). The first two were solid enough in a ‘keep the chase moving and don’t stop to think’ sort of way. And of course the awesomeness was upped in ‘Judgment Day’ by a butt-kicking Linda Hamilton and the creepy liquid Terminator (will Robert Patrick ever be anything other than the T-1000?). But this time around, with Terminator: Salvation they were looking to do too many things at the same time. Reboot (and revitalize) the franchise, give the story a new significance and weight and graft some star-power onto the whole affair with Mr. Bale. Unlike the others, this one takes place in John Connor’s future, introduces a bunch of characters we’re suppose to care about and while not using time-travel, nods to it as part of the plot. And oh, they brought in McG to run the ship. OK, there is nothing wrong with McG (well, his name is silly) in moderate, controlled doses, but it looks like they just cut him loose here. There’s NO SALVATION for this Terminator! Ha. OK, but seriously, this one does too much work for what should just be bang-splodey ridiculous. More Batman please Mr. Bale.”

A Night at the Museum 2: Battle of the Smithsonian

VPJ: “In lieu of reviewing this movie (a loud, dumb, moderately-amusing-in-small-patches sequel to its identically-mediocre forebear), I’d just like to say a few words in defense of its writers. Tom Lennon and Ben Garant have written these two movies, the Lindsay Lohan Herbie movie, ‘The Pacifier’ (or Vin Diesel’s own ‘Kindergarten Cop’), ‘Taxi’ (the Jimmy Fallon one), and ‘Balls of Fury’ (which had a few laughs in it). Obviously, that’s not the defense part; these movies are obviously indefensible. No, what I’d point out, and what will make me go to bat for these guys until the end of time (although if The Pacifier 2: Mr. Stinkypants ever comes out, I may have to reevaluate) is their other resume. Let’s talk founding members of the sketch comedy troupe ‘The State,’ founding members and stars of the improv-y greatness that was ‘Reno: 911,’ and the hit-or-miss loony weirdness that was ‘Viva Variety’. These are – clearly – hilarious, inventive, original comic thinkers (and brilliant comic performers) who have to pay the plumber. And don’t we all have to pay the plumber? So please, when you think of Tom and Ben, remember ‘The State’ and ‘Reno:911,’ and remember the plumber. Thank you. (Ben Stiller is also in this film, I believe).”

JE: “Wow. I don’t know if you were trying to convince the public this was OK, or yourself. It sounds like some serious over-justification there my friend. And that’s OK, whatever helps you sleep at night. As it stands those guys can’t seem to catch a break as their other projects seem to get submarined as soon as they’re green-lit (though Reno did last for 6 seasons of goodness.). The dirty little secret is that Lennon and Garant are not alone in their writing work on less-than-stellar movies. This is what comedy writers – all screenwriters really – have to do to get by. While I’m sure you can try and get by punching out what you consider your ‘best work,’ the reality is a pay day is always a nice thing. So if that means writing ‘The Pacifier,’ then go ahead. As for this sequel to ‘A Night at the Museum,’ we pick up (presumably) where we left off with Mr. Stiller, now at, as the title suggests, The Smithsonian. Wacky hijincks! Cameos! Icons of American history and pop culture! I’m sure there are worse things to watch with the family, but this one does have Bill Hader and Hank Azaria, so that’s a few pluses in my book. It gets a stay of execution…just don’t expect me to watch it.”

The Cove

VPJ: “I swear I’m not trying to turn this lighthearted, hip, edgy, cool guy movie column into an environmentalist, left-wing kook-fest, but it’s just that, well, people keep on raping the world and its creatures and other, nicer people keep making searing, outraged documentaries about said rape. This time, it’s our finny friends the dolphins who’re getting rogered but good, annually in a remote Japanese villiage’s dedicated dolphin slaughtering festival. The filmmakers, having to circumvent the security and secrecy, employed some seriously-manly, secret agent-type methods, risking life, limb, and a boatload of expensive equipment. It’s a really gripping hybrid of real-life adventure film and furious, do-gooder polemic, and therefore more exciting than the average documentary. Sure, there is – as ever – more complexity to the issues than perhaps the filmmakers are willing to admit. But, well, it’s tough to argue with the actual facts presented here.”

JE: “Dammit Jonesy what did I tell you about your left-wing propaganda! Another crack pot documentary like this and YOU’RE OFF THE CASE! OK, but jokes aside, I don’t know if I can watch this one if it skates too close to dolphin torture porn for the sake of making a point. In terms of cute Animals humans love,a movie about brutality towards dolphins might fare as well be as a documentary on punching kittens in the face. (BTW, I’ll be taking ‘Kitten Punchers’ to Sundance next year.) As horrifying as this film sounds at first glance there is a very touching story in it about Ric O’Barry, a one-time dolphin trainer who makes a 180 degree change of heart on the plight of the squeakers. If I have one quibble with documentaries like this (and I’ve said this many times before) it’s when filmmakers insert themselves too much into a story. There can be a tendancy to glamorize the director or their process, and I’m not interested in that. Unless a doc is about the filmmaker I don’t necessarily want their presence in front of the camera. But in this case the act of telling the story, the big how, is integral to the film. Seeing the depths of the subterfuge, misdirection and cunning it takes to just show the world this awful event makes the story that much more powerful.”

Paper Heart

VPJ: “Charlyne Yi is an indie hipster cutie pie. You might remember her, being an indie hipster cutie pie, in a small role in ‘Knocked Up.’ Well, here, she’s teaming up with perhaps the only person more of an indie hipster cutie pie than she, Michael Cera, in a deliberately-unclassifiable sort of romantic comedy/documentary/metatextual audience put on. ‘Paper Heart’ starts off as a documentary, with Yi being extra adorable, giggling her way through awkward cupie-doll-on-the-street interviews with people about the nature of love. As the film goes on, Yi finds herself at a party with ‘Arrested Development’s’ Cera, and they have one of the most painfully-adorable courting scenes ever. Sure, it sounds sort of predictable, but wait-and-see. In addition to being an indie scene-stealer, Yi’s also a standup comic and performance artist, and she and Cera were already together when they made the film. Or were they? See, when they started doing publicity for the movie, it was revealed that Cera had broken up with Yi. Or had he? Oh, and the on screen director of the film is named after a real-life friend and partner of Yi’s, but he’s played by someone else, while that real-life friend plays another character. It’s all a bit hazy, but it seems like there’s some sort of public-satirizing going on here, along with some Andy Kaufman-esque gamesmanship, and some actual, if adorable, exploration of what it means to be in love. And Yi and Cera do make a cute couple, their blush-y reticence ever bordering on twee, but staying on the right side. A weird little doodle that I enjoyed quite a bit.”

JE: “I may have to just push away from the table on this one. While it has all the hallmarks of a surprising little wonder (and who among us hasn’t described Michael Cera that way?), I think it would make my brain hurt just a little bit. The premise (on its face) is cute: what is love? I heard an interview with Yi where she talked about making the movie and how it sprung from her own thoughts and feelings on relationships and romantic love. This sounds interesting, no? Movies about personal questions and self discovery can be fun (or painful. or painfully fun.). But the more I heard about this, from the maybe/maybe not real relationship with Cera and the real character/fake character/real character thing, it just seemed too confusion. It’s not that I don’t mind a little meta-mind games from my movies. If I wanted that I’d hire Charlie Kaufman to make a documentary on cake-making.  But I don’t appreciate mind games if they feel sloppily put together. Maybe watching it will change my mind (most likely because it’s hard not to be won over by Cera’s hoodie-wearing charm).”

A Christmas Tale

VPJ: “Oh great, another holiday movie. Except, this time, it’s French (from director Arnaud Desplechin, maker of ‘My Sex Life, Or How I Got Into an Argument’), so instead of wacky in-laws and cute pets doing tricks, we get family dysfunction, dead children, long-buried resentment, and, oh yeah, cancer! Yup, it’s a French cinematic Christmas, with the legendary (and still stunning Catherine Deneuve) and ‘The Diving Bell and the Butterfly’s’ Mathieu Amalric among others, a generous helping of familial misery, and an ‘Amelie’-style side dish of magical whimsy. Sounds like Christmas to me, and it’s pretty darned moving, and less of a downer (slightly) than the description makes it sound. A rare current release presented by the Criterion Collection, who invariably know what they’re talking about.”

JE: “Could it be? Is this? A Christmas movie that doesn’t make us violently angry or depressed? OK, well the family drama may get us depressed, but the filmmaking may not! Now, before I go on to say rent this, I feel like I should say that this is not for everyone. In fact it may not be for most people. The common denominator between and good and bad holiday movies is family dysfunction, which is tolerable in a funny movie and unbearable in a bad one. This on the other hand is a good one, but may cut a little too close to the bone. We’re talking deep-seeded conflict and anger that doesn’t get easily resolved through a zany scheme or comical misunderstanding. This is what you are getting with ‘A Christmas Tale.’ ‘National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation’ it ain’t. And that is not a bad thing. See, sometimes what you get for all that emotional trauma is a more satisfying ending. It’s like a well-deserved payoff, or, since this is the season, a gift. And let me second my esteemed colleague here: Do NOT mess with the Criterion Collection.”

Lightning Round! Also this week: Five Minutes of Heaven (The ever-dependable Liam Neeson in a drama about an IRA murderer confronted by the brother of a victime some decades after the fact), Better Off Ted – Season 1 (“Arrested Development’s” Portia de Rossi stars in this satirical workplace comedy), I Sell the Dead (“Lost’s” favorite hobbit Dominic Monaghan stars in this dark comedy horror film about a condemned grave robber looking back on the grisly details of his life), Seraphine (A biopic about the life of French painter Seraphine de Senlis).

Parting shots:

- Where did the Terminator franchise go off the rails? Is it salvageable?
- Are we over-justifying (and condoning) bad movies because we like the writers?
- Is Michael Cera’s “hoodie-wearing charm” enough for you to see “Paper Heart?”

VideoReport #224

Volume CCXXIV- The Godzillas Must Be Crazy

For the Week of 12/1/09

 

Videoport reminds you that the holiday gift-giving frenzy is upon us and that you get a free rental for yourself for every movie that you buy from us. Let your relatives’ greed work for you…at Videoport!

 

Middle Aisle Monday. (Get one free rental from the Sci-Fi, Horror, Incredibly Strange, Mystery/Thriller, Animation or Staff Picks sections with your paid rental.)

>>> Elsa S. Customer suggests taking some sage advice from great movies, like The Maltese Falcon (in Mystery/Thriller). First up, it’s Bogart’s Sam Spade, advising you on spotting a blowhard with “The cheaper the crook, the gaudier the patter”. Then she suggests this from Sydney Greenstreet’s Caspar Gutman, who cautions, “That’s an attitude, sir, that calls for the most delicate judgment on both sides. ‘Cause as you know, sir, in the heat of action men are likely to forget where their best interests lie and let their emotions carry them away”. Pretty smart for a crook.

Tough and Triassic Tuesday. (Get one free rental from the Action or Classics sections with your paid rental.)

>>> Dennis suggests Holiday (in Classics). First a word about boxed sets. Sure they’re a good way to obtain DVDs on the cheap, and in bulk, but, when you’re planning to rent them out to people who, understandably, want to know what each individual movie is about, well, they’re a pain. See, we’ve got to fashion recognizable cover art out of the less-than-voluminous information the set comes in, so Videoport owner Bill gets to work with tape, scissors, mucilage, string, computers, and his mighty son army and tries to cobble something together. Why do I mention this? Well, maybe you don’t know that Videoport even has this movie, since the cover art is, well, nondescript, shall we say. But I heartily suggest you search it out in the Classics section, regardless of how it looks from the outside- you’ll be scoring yourself a two-for-one in that it contains one of the best performances of their careers from both Katherine Hepburn and Cary Grant. The set-up: Grant’s an idealistic, freespirited guy with plans to make one big score in business and then take a couple of years off in order to, well, “figure out what it all means” is the vague idea. After meeting a pretty, seemingly-similarly-freespirited rich girl (Doris Nolan) and falling fedora-over-heels for her, he meets her family- rich, stuffy dad, sad, drunken little brother (Lew Ayres is pretty affecting), and tomboyish, actually-freespirited older sis Hepburn, whom Grant slowly (but we somewhat more quickly) comes to realize is actually the perfect match for him. Along the way to the (and I’m not spoiling anything here) happy eventually-getting-together, there’s some nicely-evocative talk about the nature of business, the loneliness of being spoiled and rich, and about hanging onto your dreams, even in the face of the demon pragmatism. The dialogue’s got that nice ‘n’ stagey literary zing that Hepburn and Grant’s clipped, inimitable diction can have fun with, and Grant’s vaguely-anti-capitalist stance is refreshingly lefty (he’s even called ‘un-American’ at one point). Sure, it’s a little unformed and naive, but it’s nice to hear nonetheless (the same benighted boxed set contains the lesser Grant film Talk of the Town, where he gets to articulate some similar liberalisms). And he and Hepburn are just great. She was, at the time, box office poison, which baffles me; as legendary film critic Pauline Kael memorably said, “Katehrine Hepburn’s wit and nonconformity made ordinary heroines seem mushy, and her angular beauty made the round-faced ingenues look piggy and stupid”. This accurately describes the distinction between Hepburn and poor Doris Nolan, although the movie makes Grant’s final decision seem less of a foregone conclusion, and the film’s less of a screwball romantic comedy than you might think; there’s some weight in the characters’ dilemmas, and Grant and Hepburn (and Ayres)’ pain is genuinely human. And Grant gets to show off his playful physicality (he was once a circus performer) with little bits of business (a couple of front-flips, a synchronized tumbling routine with Hepburn) which don’t come across as manic or showy but as an expression of his character’s restless free spirit. (Sadly, there’s an ever-present trapeze in the film, but he never plays with it). It’s not my favorite Cary Grant film (that’s be Notorious), but it might be my favorite Grant performance. Great movie. Rent it for free on Tuesday, you.

Wacky and Worldly Wednesday. (Get one free rental from the Comedy or Foreign Language sections with your paid rental.)

>>> Dennis suggests Saturday Night Live- season 5 (in Comedy). I’m interested to see how Lorne handles the future seasons of SNL-on-DVD; he (and essentially everyone important to the show’s beginnings) left after year five, leaving SNL in the hands of Jean Doumanian (for one legendarily disastrous year) and then Dick Ebersol (for five bland, decreasingly-vital ones) before he came back home. Will they come out at all? (I’d be sort of interested to see if the Doumanian half-season is as bad as I remember*). Interesting. Anyway, this is the last year of the original cast and the show was taking its toll on everyone. Chevy was long gone, Belushi and Aykroyd were gone, new addition Harry Shearer was brilliant but a royal pain in everyone’s ass, Bill Murray was the unquestionable star of the show now, with Gilda right behind, and Jane, Larraine, and poor Garret were the perpetual also-rans. The show became more uneven this year, as the burnout threshold was being reached by many, but there’s a sort of ragged glory to it for all that; I’ve said it before- the idea of putting on a live, 90 minute comedy show every single week, just getting through that, and then having to confront a blank page Monday morning, is show biz heroism, and a big part of the reason why I still love SNL, as shaky as it inevitably is.

*For a primer on these lost years, check out SNL in the 80s: Lost and Found in the Comedy section.

Thrifty Thursday. (Get one free movie from any section with your paid rental.)

>>> Andy suggests Theremin: An Electronic Odyssey (in Documentary). As a Beach Boys fan, I watched this documentary hoping to learn something about how the Theremin (the world’s first electronic musical instrument) came to be used in “Good Vibrations”. What I got was a fascinating documentary about the man behind the instrument, the people who loved him, and his mistreatment by the Russian government. And plenty of footage of Brian Wilson at his saddest and craziest, talking about how “scary” and “sexual” the Theremin sounds.

Free Kids Friday. (Get one free rental from the Children’s or Family sections, no other rental necessary).

>>> Dennis suggests this simple, one step plan for ensuring that your DVDs (especially, but not limited to, childrens DVDs play well:

1. NEVER, EVER, TOUCH, OR LET A CHILD, MONKEY, OR IRRESPONSIBLE, INCONSIDERATE PERSON (OR MONKEY) TOUCH THE SHINY SIDE OF A DVD!

That is all…

Having a Wild Weekend. (Rent two, get your third movie for free from any section on Saturday and Sunday.)

>>>For Saturday, Elsa S. Customer suggests some more movie-based advice, this time from Jennifer Jason Leigh’s Amy Archer in The Hudsucker Proxy (in Feature Drama): “Only a numbskull thinks he knows things about things he knows nothing about”.

>>>For Sunday, Dennis suggests The Devil and Daniel Webster (in Classics/the Criterion section). I almost made the case for shutting this movie off after about a minute and a half to the lovely Mrs. Elsa S. Customer. A hokey, obvious farmhouse set, some stilted, too-quaint dialogue from a dopey farmer and his wife, a wise old mama, some roughhousing with a pig- it just didn’t seem my cup o’ tea. Well, I should know better than to doubt the good folks at the Criterion Collection, whose nigh-unerring discretion pretty much guarantees any movie they put out will be worth your time (sure, I question their championing of The Rock, but their batting average is still stellar). The Devil and Daniel Webster really gets rolling as soon as the Devil shows up. Hope I didn’t give anything away there. Carrying his little black book of potential suckers through the New Hampshire countryside, ol’ Satan looks like a scruffy leprechaun and, with Water Huston playing him, he’s got beady little teeth in a huge smile, glittering eyes, and a rascally vibe that really livens up the old farmstead when he makes the beleaguered (and Jethro-dumb) farmer the old ‘heap o’ gold for your soul’ bargain. Soon, Jethro’s wearing fancy clothes, loaning money at usurious rates (the movie’s really hard on usury) to his former farmer pals, and building an ostentatious house on the hill for him, his spoiled-rotten brat son, and the kid’s saucy, wasp-waisted French nanny (Simone Simon was never more sexily feline) with whom he’s clearly doing things his sturdy New England missus has never even heard of. Things look pretty bad, especially when Jethro remembers that pesky soul deal he made and tries to weasel out of it, but luckily, said sturdy wife is on hand to call in legendary New Hampshire politician Daniel Webster who challenges the Devil to a jury trial for Jethro’s seemingly-worthless eternal essence. (This part was memorably parodied in a Simpsons’ Treehouse of Horror where the jury of the damned was at least partly made up of the 1976 Philadelphia Flyers). All in all, this one’s a lot of fun, with some spooky effects, Huston’s devil stealing the film, Edward Arnold harrumphing memorably as Webster, and the sexy Simon embodying every French slattern stereotype with slinky abandon. You even get to like Jethro a little, and wish him well in his future life of simple toil and thrice-yearly, lights-off missionary coitus.

 

 

New Releases this week at Videoport: A Christmas Tale (nothing says holiday warmth and magic like an oddball French family drama featuring dysfunction, dead children, and, of course, cancer; seriously, though, this is a good one from director Arnaud Desplechin [My Sex Life, Kings & Queen] and starring the legendary Catherine Deneuve and The Diving Bell and the Butterfly’s Mathieu Amalric), and you can find it in the Criterion section), A Night at the Museum 2: Battle of the Smithsonian ( hey it’s that sequel I’ll never see to that movie I’ve never sen about that museum!; written by two really funny guys ['The State' and 'Reno 911''s Thomas Lennon and Ben Garant] who specialize in writing some really crappy movies [The Pacifier, Herbie: Fully Loaded]- hey, everybody’s gotta pay the plumber), The Cove (thrilling, furious documentary about a sneaky film crew that snuck into the titular, remote Japanese village to capture footage of the massive, annual dolphin slaughter; half-real-life thriller, and half call to action on overfishing and ocean pollution), Paper Heart (indie hipster cutie-pies Charlene Yi and Michael Cera star in this quasi-documentary about a young, hipster cutie pie actress going cross-country to try to find out what’s the deal with love), Five Minutes of Heaven (the ever-formidable Liam Neeson stars in this drama about an IRA murderer’s confrontation with the brother of one of his victims some twenty-five years later), Terminator: Salvation (Christian Bale tries to save the past, the future, the present- the whole deal, really in this third sequel of the Terminator franchise), ‘Better Off Ted’- season 1 (I’ve heard pretty good things about this kooky workplace satire starring ‘Arrested Development’’s Portia de Rossi, so you should watch it, I think), I Sell the Dead (‘Lost’’s Dominic Monaghan stars in this comic horror ghoul-a-thon about a condemned-to-death 19th century graverobber looking back on his life of grime), ‘Sordid Lives’- season 1 (TV series based on the cult comedy about the, shall we say colorful, denizens of an hilariously-seedy trailer park), Seraphine (biopic about the life of French painter Seraphine de Senlis), Doctor Who: The Next Doctor (there’s a new doctor in the TARDIS for internerds to get all hot and bothered about).

 

New Arrivals this week at Videoport: Focus, Concent, and Love Letter (Videoport’s Andy recently donated these Japanese films to us, and you’re gonna have to watch them yourself, or ask Andy what the hell they’re about, as the DVD box is entirely in Japanese; for all you Japanese speakers out there, you’re fine…), ‘Buck Rogers in the 25th Century’- season 1 (the little boy in me got momentarily excited when I saw that this 80s sci fi series was coming to DVD; then the grown man in there remembered Twiki, and I got all sad inside…), SNL- season 5 (the last year of the original crew hits DVD), La Promesse (what? This wrenching French film has never been released on DVD in America? Have no fear- Videoport’ll get it for you…somehow), Rosetta (ditto for this wrenching French drama; don’t worry your pretty little head about it…we’ve got our ways…), I Woke Up Early the Day I Died (and, as for this whacked-out cult film, made from an unfinished script by the late, far-from-great Ed Wood, and starring Billy Zane as an escaped mental patient…similarly, the fact that it has never been released on DVD in this benighted country has not stopped Videoport from bringing it to you! We are the balls!), ‘The Vicar of Dibley’- season 2 (Dawn French returns as the beleaguered vicar of an eccentric village in this Britcom), A Far Off Place (check out widdle Reese Witherspoon in this 90s Disney nature adventure flick), And Then There Were None (classic film version of the venerable Agatha Christie whodunnit), Fire, Proven in the Northeast, and Isolated (three new ski movies hit Videoport’s Nonfiction Sports section).

 

YOU WILL GO TO THIS!

Former Videoporter/local filmmaker/cool guy Allen Baldwin’s newest film Up Up Down Down will have its first test screening at the Nickelodeon theater (right around the corner) on Thursday, December 3rd at 7pm and 915pm! Come and see the latest film from Allen’s Strongpaw Productions (you can see his great first film Twelve Steps Outside in Videoport’s Feature Drama section)! C’mon!

 

Park for free at Videoport! Yup, just pull into any downtown parking garage and then ask for a Park & Shop sticker from your friendly neighborhood Videoporter and we’ll get you a free hour of parking therein. (And remember: parking meters are off after 6pm, Monday-Saturday and all day on Sunday, and the parking lot behind the building is open for free one hour parking after 5pm Monday-Friday and all day on the weekends).

 

Videoport can get it for you! Assuming ‘it’ refers to any movie, TV show, or boxed set you want to buy for those knuckleknobs on your holiday shopping list. If it’s in print, we can get it (put your orders in soon so they’ll be here in time), and you get a free rental for yourself with each purchase!

Justin Ellis (Portland Press Herald) and I on the new releases for 11/23/09

Comedy! It’s just the cure for that mashed potato-malaise you know is coming this Thursday. This week’s new releases are a mixed bag as Videoport Jones and I are concerned about Judd Apatow’s latest film and rail against Dan Brown’s spooky DaVinci Empire. And again we’re forced to ask “Holiday movies, really Hollywood? Really?!”

Funny People

Videoport Jones: “I love Judd Apatow. ‘The 40 Year Old Virgin’ and ‘Knocked Up’ both served to revitalize screen comedy with their unique blend of improv-flavored dialogue (which practically tingles up there on the screen), a stable of nimble comic actors who specialize in such dialogue, and an audience-pleasing yet surprisingly-mature and resonant sensibility. Plus, they are two of the funniest damned things I’ve seen in a decade. (He’s so money that my friend, the estimable Guak, and I ritualistically greet each other, whenever the man and his films are mentioned, with the refrain “Apa-TOW!”) So, I was understandably, ridiculously excited for this, his third film, and, sadly, I must report that his streak is over. Now, I am not, at all, saying that ‘Funny People’ is a bad movie – it most certainly is not. I will say however, that in this case the delicate alchemy that turned his first two films into (in my humble opinion) two of the best comedies in recent years is off-kilter here, and the results are…mixed. The story of a spoiled star of such lowbrow, high-concept comedies as Merman and Re-Do (Adam Sandler, being pretty bold with the self-parody) who discovers he’s gravely ill and hires a struggling young comedian (a slimmed-down Seth Rogen) to help him return to his standup roots (and pursue the one who got away), ‘Funny People’ is nothing if not ambitious; a deconstruction of standup comedians, a buddy picture, a raunchy-yet-melancholy mediation on life and death, a chance for Apatow’s ensemble to show off their improv chops – check, check, check, and check. The film starts out very well indeed, with Sandler proving, as he did in ‘Punch Drunk Love’ and ‘Spanglish,’ that, lurking inside his doofus manboy persona lurks a more-than-passable dramatic actor (he’s especially good at hinting at the reservoir of loneliness underneath), and Rogen matching up well as the new assistant/companion who moves from hero-worship to ambivalent accomplice as Sandler’s condition causes him to make some questionable decisions. Sandler eases into the Apatow stable gracefully and he really holds the screen, at least until things start to get muddy about 2/3rds of the way through, when, chasing down his now-married real love (Leslie Mann) to her family’s home, he, and the movie, just sort of sit around her house and mope. In his director’s commentaries, Apatow is always candid about the fact that the success of his films comes largely down to the editing room where he, heretofore, has been adept at pulling together the masses of footage (he encourages his talented cast to improvise) into a cohesive whole. Well, this time, I think ‘Funny People’ gets away from him. Stil l- good work from Sandler and Rogen (who create a pair of surprisingly-complicated characters and aren’t afraid to be sort of unlikeable at times), Mann (until her character becomes inconsistent), Eric Bana (a hoot as Mann’s hunky Aussie husband), and Jonah Hill and Jason Schwartzman (slyly funny as Rogen’s more successful friends), and a noble attempt from Apatow to stretch himself a little.”

Justin: “I’d sum it up as ambitious but uneven. I don’t know how better to describe it, though some have said it’s almost like two movies. Which is fitting because Apatow is doing many things with ‘Funny People,’ but it’s largely a love letter to the world of celebrity stand-up comedy…with an ill-advised romance thrown in. This movie is unbelievably touching and funny (a trademark of Apatow) when it is dealing with Sandler’s character trying to come to grips with who he is as a person and as a comic. You’re right when you say that Sandler has some sneaky dramatic chops because in this movie he brings out a lot of raw emotion as someone trying to come to grips with death. This is all weaved together with a behind-the-curtain look at the world of comedy and insights on writing comedy, competition and the personalities in the comic world. And my GOD the cameos are too long and funny to list (though I will say once again Aziz Ansari knocks the ball out of the park in a minor role. See if you can guess who his character is lampooning). And then, suddenly, this all comes crashing to a halt and you wind up in this torturous romantic story which, if I’m being honest, is pretty poorly conceived and hard to watch. Apatow pushes the Sandler’s character too far in trying to redeem and fix his life, and really throws the movie off as Sandler tries to win back Mann. It’s surely a miss, especially when you consider the romantic plots in his other movies were executed almost seamlessly. Still, I’ll agree that this is not a bad movie. I repeat: This is not a bad movie. Just a flawed one. Rent it for the funny, not for the people. ZING!”

Angels & Demons

VPJ: “It’s the sequel to ‘The Da Vinci Code!’ That’s pretty much all we have to say, really, isn’t it? I mean, people who would want to watch this are already fanatical about doing so, and the rest of us, well, what would it take for us to actually sit through he whole thing? Money? Sure, I’d let someone pay me, say twenty bucks to watch it. Threats? That didn’t work with ‘The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants.’ Sexual blackmail? Well, who’s asking? But I kid underperforming would-be blockbusters made from laughably-written pulp novels. Tom Hanks is back as the smarty-pants expert in all things spooky and church-y, uncovering poorly-researched arcane rituals, secret societies, cabals, and whatnot, with the requisite hotsy arm candy assistant (this time it’s ‘Munich’s’ Ayelet Zurer) by his side, and blandly-competent director pal Ron Howard blanding things up along the way. I dunno, it royally cheesed off religious types, which I can appreciate, but Dan Brown’s inexplicably-popular bestsellers have a distinct, laughable aura about them (check out this article examining some of his most laughable prose), and, as likeable as Hanks remains, I’m just not prepared to watch him dodge poison arrows like Indy in a hairpiece without getting the giggles.”

JE: “I think we’ll just have to sit in the back of the theater and heckle this franchise, because much like the Harry Potter phenomenon and (lord help us) ‘Twilight,’ this is a juggernaut that cannot be stopped by conventional means. Maybe we should start our own clandestine society to expose and stop these movies from being made? We can all wear cloaks and meet in scary locations. There will also be snacks. I feel this is a good plan. ANYHOO, this film has things I would usually like, including Hanks, Howard and Ewan McGregor. And I’m not afraid to admit I can get sucked into nefarious plot/alternate history/adventure riddle stories from time to time. The thing that turns me off is that it’s all presented a little too seriously. Somehow this whole adventure involves the Vatican and the Large Hadron Collider? And the only person to save the day is a ’symbologist?’ If you want me to follow an adventure at least give the hero a realistic sounding day job. Was anthropologist or archeologist not sexy enough? I’m with you on this one buddy, count me in for watching it only if it’s MST3K-style over a couple of beers. Also, those cloaks.”

Four Christmases

VPJ: “Reese Witherspoon and Vince Vaughn are a very height-inappropriate couple; he’s listed at 6′5″, while she’s billed at a charitable 5′1″, and when she’s standing all pixieish and wee next to his hulking mass, it’s just plain incongruously-adorable. Why am I spending so much time on this height issue? Well, it’s either that or talk about the movie they’re in, yet another in the nearly-identical succession of seemingly-mandatory holiday comedies we are subjected to every year. This time, they’re a selfishly happy couple who successfully avoid their four divorced parents until, well, they don’t and the movie begins. Then we go see each of the four families in turn, and they’re wacky, and everybody falls down, and there’s at least one cute pet, and then there’s the hugging. Slumming older stars filling the parent quotient this time include Robert Duvall, Sissy Spacek, Jon Voight, and Mary Steenburgen, while professional Vaughn pal Jon Favreau’s on hand to keep big Vince company. I laughed one and a half times. Enjoy.”

JE: “I really, really wish that Vaughn and Favreau could just get together and make another buddy flick and stop supporting each other when they’re slumming it. In some respects its admirable because they’re trying to help each other out (or make the other suffer as much as they are.) and that’s what friends do. On the other hand we end up with stuff like this and ‘Couple’s Retreat.’ I just recently caught part of ‘Swingers’ again on TV. Now aside from the fact that I watched this movie too many times to count in college and it was cornerstone of my relationship with my roommate, it’s a reasonably good film. Why? Because of the chemistry of Vaughn and Favs. Please guys, help us all out. And while I’m in a ranting mood, you know what the worst part is about these holiday movies? They subject the public to them in two big publicity pushes, because unlike regular DVD releases, holiday films only get dropped in theaters and on DVD once a year. December. It’s a magical season, where we get reminded, ‘Oh yeah, I had no interest in seeing that in the theaters, and I really have no interest in renting it.’ Hollywood, just do everyone a favor. If you’re not going to make better holiday movies at least just release them on DVD in the same time table as other movies? Don’t rub it in our faces in the name of yuletide spirit. Add holiday movies to the list of targets for our secret organization.”

Shorts

VPJ: “Robert Rodriguez is a cool story. Raising the money for his (still best) film ‘El Mariachi’ by literally selling his body for medical experiments, seeing that movie catch on, and then vaulting into the Hollywood big time (‘The Faculty,’ ‘Desperado,’ ‘Once Upon a Time in Mexico,’ ‘From Dusk ‘Til Dawn’) but using that industry cred to start his own production company to make a series of kid-centric adventure films – it’s a feel good story for the ages. I just wish I liked his movies better. Especially these special effects-heavy kiddie things (the Spy Kids franchise, ‘The Adventures of Shark Boy and Lava Girl,’ and this one, about a magical wish-granting rock…yeah). I hate it when mediocre reality gets in the way of my warm fuzzies.”

JE: “This is going to be one of those few occasion where we’ll have to disagree old chum. As Ron Burgundy once said, ‘Well, when in Rome.” While not terribly original, ‘El Mariachi’ was a fun, bullet-ridden movie. ‘The Faculty’ gave us one of the most memorable acting experiences of Jon Stewart’s career. (Seriously people go seek it out. Ranks very high on the unintentional comedy scale). And his kids movies aren’t half bad. The Spy Kids stuff and even ‘Shark Boy and Lava Girl’ were light, poppy fun that I would have no problem sitting through if I had a son or daughter and was looking to kill a few hours. Is it the best family fare? Of course not. Could it be a little less heavy on the special-effects? Sure. But it’s fun, and more importantly to parents, NOT ANNOYING. ‘Shorts’ runs along those same lines, light and more than likely forgettable, it’s a decent kids flick. As someone who apparently wants to make kids movies, Rodriguez could do worse. I just wish he would devote more time for stuff for us grown ups.”

PARTING SHOTS:

- Did Apatow fall short with “Funny People?” What do you think?
- Would you join a secret cabal to end bad movies?
- Is it time for Favreau and Vaughn to team-up for a buddy movie?

VideoReport #223

Volume CCXXIII- Happy Thanksgiving!

For the Week of 11/24/09

Videoport is stocked up with gift certificates, new and previously-viewed DVDs for sale, and can order pretty much anything you need in order to keep this holiday shopping season somewhat manageable. (Oh, and to that end, you get a free movie rental any time you buy a movie from us, rather than some hideous, soulless retail chain.)

Middle Aisle Monday. (Get one free rental from the Sci-Fi, Horror, Incredibly Strange, Mystery/Thriller, Animation or Staff Picks sections with your paid rental.)

>>> Dennis suggests The Stepfather (in Horror). Now that the theatrical release of its vastly, ridiculously, laughably inferior remake has come and gone from the less-discriminating theaters, this effectively-nasty little 1987 horror thriller has finally gotten a DVD release, so I guess we can be thankful the wan, lame, crappy remake exists for that reason anyway. Directed by Joseph Ruben (who also helmed 1984’s similarly-underrated sci-fi thriller Dreamscape), The Stepfather is mostly mediocre, with a truly weak leading lady (replacement Charlie’s Angel Shelley Hack? Really?) but can boast some decent tension throughout. Of course, the only reason to watch it is the titular performance from perennial utility character man Terry O’Quinn as a creepy, outwardly-chipper psycho serial murderer/marrier. Obsessed with the all-American ideal of ‘the perfect family’, O’Quinn’s patriarch marries a single mom, smilingly enrolls them in all manner of wholesome pastimes and activities, and, when they inevitably fail to live up to his ridiculously-unrealistic Republican expectations, well, he murders them all and starts over somewhere else. Sure, there’s some social satire involved, but the real attraction in O’Quinn. You know him (he’s had some juicy supporting roles, has played Howard Hughes at least twice, and is now almost actually famous for playing Locke on ‘Lost’). He’s one of ‘those guys’; you know-guys like James Rebhorn, Chelcie Ross, Raymond J. Barry, Richard Jenkins who are always just there, playing cops, mean bosses, a general or two. I love guys like that, don’t you? For all the George Clooneys in the world, the movie and TV industry would grind to a halt without those guys, and when they get a rare lead and run with it, as Mr. O’Quinn did here, it just gives me a nice warm feeling. Even when he’s killing a couple o’ kids.

Tough and Triassic Tuesday. (Get one free rental from the Action or Classics sections with your paid rental.)

>>> Dennis suggests To Live and Die in L.A. (in Action). A slice of 80s action pie, To Live and Die in L.A. is a sun-drenched, gritty California treat. Director William Friedkin (The French Connection, The Exorcist) brings his assured style and mastery of action sequences to this tale of an obsessed, morally-questionable Secret Service agent (Manhunter and ‘CSI’’s William Petersen) in dogged pursuit of a wily, creepily-decadent master counterfeiter (the ever-creepy Willem Dafoe). There is an epic car chase that even tops The French Connection’s. There’s some welcome authenticity of location. There are some truly riveting sequences showing exactly how you can make your own US $100 bills at home! There’s some really regrettable 80s-style music (from the band Wang Chung, of all people), and some equally-shameful Miami Vice fashions. There is some out-of-nowhere shocking violence, and a few nicely-gritty twists of slang and dialogue. For those looking for a solid, stylish, exciting follow-up after watching something like Heat or Ronin, this is your sun-drenched, thrilling answer.

Wacky and Worldly Wednesday. (Get one free rental from the Comedy or Foreign Language sections with your paid rental.)

>>> Dennis suggests ‘How I Met Your Mother’, Season 3, Episode 9- ‘Slapsgiving’ (in Comedy). HIMYM is a pretty average sitcom which I can’t stop watching. It’s largely due to the supporting cast, with Jason Segal (Forgetting Sarah Marshall, ‘Freaks and Geeks’) and Allyson Hannigan (‘Buffy the Vampire Slayer’) and, of course, the incomparable Neil Patrick Harris as the ultimate horndog Barney. There are two other ’stars’ of the show who are…fine. Anyway, this third season Thanksgiving episode shows the three ’supporting’ characters to their best effect (the two leads’ relationship has a crisis, which is…fine). See, a previous season showed Segal’s Marshall and Harris’ Barney engaging in a bet where the winner got to slap the loser as hard as he could five times, doled out for the rest of their lives. Marshall won, and in a previous episode, he revealed a website to Barney called ’slapcountdown.com’ which is nothing but a clock, counting down to Thanksgiving day, showing when the next slap is coming his way. It’s a funny conceit, Segal and Harris play it up bigtime, and the whole thing even ends with a song. Happy Slapsgiving everybody!

Thrifty Thursday. (Get one free movie from any section with your paid rental.)

>>> Elsa S. Customer suggests “The West Wing” (in Feature Drama). Aaron Sorkin’s trademark comedy-drama set in the White House has, as you would expect, several well-crafted Thanksgiving episodes, but if you have to pick one, I suggest “Shibboleth,” season two, disc 2b (the flip side of the DVD). This episode particularly highlights the show’s knack at balancing big-issue storylines with downright silliness. As the West Wing staffers make their plans for Thanksgiving, President Bartlet faces a grim reminder why we should be thankful; The President must help decide the fate of a group of Chinese nationals who transported themselves to the U.S. under hellish conditions, perhaps only to be sent back for jail or worse. Family conflict at Thanksgiving is as traditional as pumpkin pie, and Leo (John Spencer) has to face it when his strident sister is considered for a prominent appointment. C.J. Craig discovers that the press secretary’s Thanksgiving responsibilities are less than dignified: she must arrange silly, folksy photo ops for the President, lead schoolchildren in song, and — oh, dear — select a properly photogenic turkey for the annual pardoning. Allison Janney really shows her comic chops in this episode; she’s a gifted physical comedienne with a refined sense of tone and timing, and here’s a rare chance to see those talents spotlit. If it’s been a while since you’ve watched the show (or even if you’ve never watched the show), no worries: this second-season episode was timed to pick up new viewers, and it opens with a fleeting recap of character’s names and positions for your convenience.

Free Kids Friday. (Get one free rental from the Children’s or Family sections, no other rental necessary).

>>> Elsa S. Customer suggests suggests you do yourself a favor during this week of Family Togetherness: rent a kid’s movie that the adults can enjoy, too. Take your Pixar, ahem, I mean: take your pick. I wholeheartedly recommend the following: Finding Nemo; Wall-E; Toy Story; Ratatouille; The Incredibles; Monsters, Inc.; The Iron Giant. You’ll be glad you did.

Having a Wild Weekend. (Rent two, get your third movie for free from any section on Saturday and Sunday.)

>>>For Saturday, Dennis suggests sending your own movie reviews, movie lists, movie poetry, movie essays, movie rants, movie recipes, or, really anything remotely movie-related to us here at The VideoReport. Send your submissions to us at denmn@hotmail.com, our Myspace page www.myspace.com/videoportjones. Or, of course, you can just drop them off at Videoport or call Andy at home and dictate them to him in the dead of night; just remember, Andy’s a little deaf, so you’ll have to scream it to him.

>>>For Sunday, Elsa S. Customer suggests The Nightmare Before Christmas (in Feature Drama/Videoport’s seasonal Holiday section). Here it is, the week of Thanksgiving. That places us squarely between Halloween and Christmas on the calendar, and it means lots of us will be spending days with kids, grandkids, stepkids, niecekids, nephewkids, friendkids, or other kids of our acquaintance. It’s a perfect time to enjoy the dark whimsy of The Nightmare Before Christmas. Jack Skellington, the King of Halloween, learns about Christmas and becomes determined to spread Yuletide jollies… but he, uh, doesn’t quite get the whole Christmas spirit thing. It’s a giddy, spooky little tale with vivid design (as expected from co-writer and producer Tim Burton and director Henry Selick [Coraline, James and the Giant Peach]) and catchy tunes from Danny Elfman. Enjoy it with your leftover Halloween candy or with a premature glass of egg nog!

New Releases this week at Videoport: Funny People (the Judd Apatow comedy juggernaut steams on, with this funny/surprisingly-moving tale of a spoiled movie star [Adam Sandler, very solid] who finds out he’s sick and hires a struggling standup comic [a slimmed-down Seth Rogen] to write him jokes and assist him in reevaluating his life and pursuing the girl he lost), Angels & Demons (Tom Hanks is back as the smarty-pants hero hunting down all the secret thingies the Catholic Church hoped to hide in this sequel to The Da Vinci Code), Four Christmases (Vince Vaughn and Reese Witherspoon are a very height-inappropriate couple out to survive the titular multiple family holidays in this most recent annual Xmas movie assault on us all), Shorts (maverick filmmaker/auteur/hobbyist Robert Rodriguez brings us this newest kid-friendly, special effects-heavy adventure, this time about a kid with a magical, wish-granting rock), The Maiden Heist (how is it that you’ve never heard of a movie starring Morgan Freeman, Christopher Walken, and William H. Macy?; is it a bad sign that this heist comedy has gone directly to DVD?; rent it and find out, if you dare…), Three Monkeys (Turkish drama about a family which chooses to deal with their problems by playing ’see no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil’- like those three monkeys, get it?).

New Arrivals this week at Videoport: Santa Buddies (we are cute puppies in Santa hats! You cannot resist us!), Chops (documentary about the annual Essentially Ellington Festival at hosted by Wynton Marsalis), Snow White and the Seven Dwarves (see, Disney does this great thing where they deprive little children of the movies they want to see for a period of seven years in order to drive up the demand for said movies when they finally deign to allow us to purchase them; in unrelated news, Videoport has now been able to purchase new copies of this movie!), The Exiles (groundbreaking, lost 1961 documentary follows a group of Native American teenagers living in Los Angeles), Wild Child (Julia Roberts’ niece stars in this movie as a spoiled rich girl sent to a strict English boarding school; hilarity ensues?), ‘Elvis Costello: Spectacle’ (I am in geek heaven as personal musical hero Elvis Costello hosts this half chat show/half musical performance show with guests like Lou Reed, Kris Kristofferson, Smokey Robinson, and other people usually too cool to appear on such programs), Skills Like This (a failed would be writer/slacker decides to instead pursue something he’s good at- crime, in this indie comedy with more than a passing resemblance to Bottle Rocket).

YOU WILL GO TO THIS!

Former Videoporter/local filmmaker/cool guy Allen Baldwin’s newest film Up Up Down Down will have its first test screening at the Nickelodeon theater (right around the corner) on Thursday, December 3rd at 7pm and 915pm! Come and see the latest film from Allen’s Strongpaw Productions (you can see his great first film Twelve Steps Outside in Videoport’s Feature Drama section)! C’mon!

Park for free at Videoport!

Here’s how: 1. Parking meters are turned off after 6pm, Monday-Saturday and all day on Sunday. 2. The parking lot behind the building is open for free one hour parking after 5pm on weekdays and all day on the weekends. 3. Videoport participates in the Park & Shop program, which means we can get you a free hour of parking at any downtown Portland parking garage (including the courthouse garage which is, literally, a two minute walk away). Just bring us your parking stub, and we’ll give you one of our magic stickers!

Want some free movies at Videoport? Here are about a million ways…

1. Rent a bunch of movies. Every time you hit your next hundred rentals, we give you two free ones.

2. Rent a movie any day of the week. If you check page one of this here newsletter here, you’ll see that there’s a different special every day of the week where you get a free movie. You literally cannot come into Videoport without getting a free rental. Yeah…

3. Buy a movie. For every single movie you buy at Videoport, we give you a free rental. Now if that’s not the perfect cue to start whipping readers into a holiday buying frenzy, then I don’t know what is: this holiday season, when you’re spending all your hard-earned cash on a gang of glutinous, insatiable greed monsters (I mean your loved ones, of course), why not get a little something for yourself out of the deal? Videoport has a great selection of new and previously-viewed DVDs for sale right in the store and we can also order literally anything that’s currently in print. And, for every movie you buy from us, we give you, yourself (not them) a free rental that you can use any time.

4. Trade in your old DVDs. Got some movies or TV series that you don’t want cluttering up your shelves anymore? Bring them in to Videoport and we’ll turn them into free rentals on your Videoport account. It’s that simple!

5. Spend some money. Videoport has two different savings plans which, essentially, give you free money just for renting with us. Seriously. Put $20 onto your Videoport account and we’ll turn that twenty into $25 worth of rental credit. Pay $30 and we’ll give you $40 worth of rental credit. That’s five or ten free bucks worth of renting cash, if my math is right…yup, it is!

Justin Ellis (Portland Press Herald) and I on the week’s new releases (11/17/09)

I always know we’re up for some seriously good new DVD releases when I get an e-mail from Videoport Jones that starts with the phrase “BIG WEEK!” How big? Jim Jarmusch, JJ Abrams, Park Chan-wook and Sacha Baron Cohen. Bruno! Mr. Spock! Vampires!

The Limits of Control

Videoport Jones: “Videoport has gone big on this one, the new film by American indie maverick Jim Jarmusch, despite the fact that it is almost certain to puzzle, alienate, and confound most people. (A testament to how hip the Videoport renters are, or stubborn support of our heroes? You decide.) Unsurprisingly, I really liked this one; Jarmusch (‘Mystery Train,’ ‘Ghost Dog,’ ‘Night on Earth,’ ‘Down by Law,’ ‘Dead Man,’ ‘Stranger Than Paradise,’ ‘Broken Flowers’) is, to be certain, an acquired taste, but I have most definitely acquired it for his deadpan funny, mysteriously moving body of work. Here, Jarmusch regular, Issach De Bankole (he was the Parisian taxi driver in ‘Night on Earth’ and Ghost Dog’s only friend, the Haitian ice cream man) plays, well, who does he play, exactly? Impeccably dressed, he says very little (perhaps thirty lines of dialogue the entire film), and his striking face (which you’ll get to know very well indeed) reveals little more. He is sent on a mission of some kind, which takes him to Spain, and a decreasingly-luxurious succession of hotel rooms. He sits at cafes and waits, until a parade of eccentric contacts meets him, says cryptic things, seemingly unrelated to whatever his task is, and then he moves on, saying nothing, his eyes all-aware but impassive. There are hints, tantalizing clues: matchbooks, coded messages on immediately-swallowed slips of paper, two cappuccinos, in separate cups, a helicopter, wooden string instruments, paintings, a repeated code phrase. His contacts (intriguing turns by the likes of John Hurt, Youki Kudoh, Tilda Swinton, Gael Garcia Bernal, and others) all speak cryptically; usually they seem to be ruminating on art, film, music, their noncommittal asides full of literary and cinematic allusion. They seem to know more than he, but also hint that they, too, are on a mission they only partly understand. There’s some Beckett in the journey, a hint of Pinter, perhaps. A subtly building menace that creeps into the soundtrack as the films goes on. When the ending comes, it makes a certain amount of sense, if you make sense of it that way. Sure, it’s, as they say, ‘not for everyone,’ but if you don’t want it, I’ll take your share. A mystery. A puzzle. I was mesmerized.”

Justin: “It’s a riddle wrapped in an enigma, wrapped in a tortilla, covered in a hard-chocolate

Cool cats.

shell. Delicious. Look, I’m not going to pretend to try and throw any conceived meaning on this movie because that would not only make me look foolish, but also do a disservice to Mr. Jarmusch. But how do you really describe such a lush yet sparse movie? A movie that captivates you because you’re studying every inch of the screen for action or meaning and gets you to stick around because every next scene could be THE scene that brings it all together. It feels a bit like a con if you think about it, but really, that’s imaginative storytelling and amazingly nuanced direction. This movie could be about absolutely nothing, but it’s crafted in a way that all you know is there is a strange sense of menace crawling up your back and you’ve got to keep watching to get rid of it. Don’t get me wrong, I am NOT saying this movie is about nothing and is such a sucker punch to the mind that it’s not worth viewing. No, I’m just saying know what you are getting into. And if you want a curious, untraditional movie that will challenge and surprise you, then this is the one. And needless to say if you’re a Jarmusch fan like my associate here, then you need no prodding.”

Star Trek

VPJ: “I’m a geek. This is no secret: comics, baseball, movies, Joss Whedon, you name it. But, while I’m fine with the whole Star Trek thing, I can’t say my geekdom extends that far. So, when aging TV wunderkind J.J. Abrams decided to reboot the franchise from the beginning, I wasn’t, like some geeks, burning up the interwebs sifting through the minutia of the plot for canonical errata, but was merely mildly interested, mainly because my main man Simon Pegg was going to live out his nerdy dream by playing the young Scotty. Upon seeing it- I gotta say I was pretty impressed. The movie is genuinely exciting and, what’s most surprising, it manages to avoid the whole prequel “it’s all in-jokes and safe fan-stroking” by introducing a whole time travel, alternate universe angle which allows for some actual peril for the once-sacrosanct characters. The actors all seem to be having some fun: Chris Pine is a cocky, fun Kirk (and the movie seems to take great delight in making fun of him), Zachary Quinto’s an excellent, surprisingly-sexy Spock, Karl Urban nails Bones’ irascible humor, and the Pegger is a hoot, while John Cho (Sulu), and Anton Yelchin (Chekov) are cool, too. Eric Bana has some fun as the main baddie, and, of course, even a semi-Star Trek geek like myself got goosebumps when a certain original cast member turned up. (So sue me). And, as for the whole “alternate universe so anything can happen reboot”, well, it was a fun idea, but (and here the comic geek in me rears his pimply head), such tinkering shenanigans can alienate even (especially) the most loyal fans, so we’ll see how long until the faithful turn on the whole (pardon me for this) enterprise (it’s the reason I stopped reading the ‘X Men’ after a while). All in all, a solid, fun action movie.”

JE: “Jonesy, set phasers to ‘OH MY GOD!’ I don’t know if I’ll be able to contain my raw geekery over this movie, but I’ll try and make it through the review…THE SHIP WAS SOOOO COOL! Ahem. This movie could have been a colossal failure simply by virture of being a reboot, not to mention betting on a largely unknown cast and playing the ‘young and sexy crew’ card very heavily. Aside from that you’re 100 percent correct about the power of fanboy rage, though not entirely deadly it can contribute to any reboot’s demise…WHAT THE HECK IS SPOCK DOING…sorry. And this is to say nothing of dabbling in time travel, which, as we’ve discussed recently, is a terribly messy affair that is typically avoided. And yet, this movie GOES BOLDY…ahem, sorry. This movie, you know what this movie does, it makes Star Trek fun for everyone. Sorry I had to say that fellow fanboys, but as someone who stuck with the franchise through multiple exploding Enterprises, sexy borgs and Captain Bakula, Star Trek stopped being fun. This movie is fun, a nod to the faithful…THERE GOES A RED SHIRT…and open to newbies (such as my lady, who’s rooting interest going into the movie was underrated John Cho as well as the Fantastic Mr. Pegg). There’s chemistry between the crew (OH MY GOD IS THERE EVER…again, I apologize), amazing special effects and a story that not only makes sense but moves along at a great pace. Abrams played the percentages well on this one, combining his knack for character plays with a little geekiness, some whiz-bang-pow-ery and excellent performances by the whole ensemble (including a great Bruce Greenwood doing a great ‘grizzled vet’ in a pivotal role). Is the movie perfect, well, no. But again, it’s about the percentages, and Abrams got it right…WARP FACTOR FUN! God, I am so sorry about that. Let’s move on.”

Bruno

VPJ: “Sacha Baron Cohen likes to make people uncomfortable. Politicians, small town bigots, celebrities, Eminem, me. Especially me. Man does he make me squirm, a rictus of anxious anticipation on my face as I wait for his next assault on my inner calm. Which is a compliment, of course. Like Andy Kaufman and similar agents provocateur before him, Cohen has the genius (and the brass cojones) to devise situations which, more often than not, provoke reactions in unsuspecting subjects which bring out their, and their society’s, underlying prejudices, fears, and hang-ups as adroitly as any sociology textbook. Plus, he’s about a thousand times funnier. As with Borat (and his other alter ego Ali G), though, Bruno walks the fine line between insightfully funny and just plain mean and offputting, which makes the whole experience sort of a queasy affair for me. When his flamboyant gay fashionista picks the right targets (he’s largely concerned with America’s slavering desire for fame, and its equally slavering homophobia this time), ‘Bruno’ is horrifyingly transcendent (his stunt with a bloodthirsty MMA crowd is a classic), but sometimes the whole enterprise comes off as pointlessly mean. I dunno – I’m glad Cohen’s around (the world could due with being kept on its toes), but he just plain makes my tummy hurt.”

JE: “More than any other comedian who has played the ‘agent of chaos’ role, Cohen is disturbingly good at playing around in that icky, uncomfortable, assumption-challenging place. Here’s the thing, it’s relatively easy to GET ALL UP IN PEOPLE’S FACES, because we see hacks and so-caled pranksters do it all the time. They’re like the kids who would repeatedly whack at bee hives during school recess.  It takes big brass ones to get yourself into a character, create a window to get through to people and then savagely provoke them…and get out of every scenario alive. Cohen deserves credit for that first and foremost, but also (as anyone who has suffered through a bad SNL-skit-turned-movie), drawing a movie out of a sketch comedy idea or character is not easy. Sure ‘Borat’ and ‘Bruno’ use the same convention of a character with a camera crew, but instead of the movie looking like a series of sketches laced together poorly by a few transitions, you have an actual film from beginning to end. Now, having said all that, I don’t care for this one. As much as I like Cohen and appreciate what he does, I had enough with ‘Borat’ and honestly the schtick feels a little thin. Of course I may just be less willing to deal with the case of the wiggins Cohen inspires than you Jonesy.”

Thirst

VPJ: “Before reading this review, if you haven’t seen the Korean movie ‘Oldboy,’ go to Videoport right now and rent it. I’ll wait… There! Now you want to see everything director Park Chan-wook has ever done, so why not continue with this, his most recent film, about a saintly priest who, in attempting to help cure a deadly virus, volunteers for a medical procedure which, well, kills him, resurrects him, and (side effect!) turns him into a vampire. Oops. Like ‘Oldboy’ (and the director’s other films like ‘Sympathy for Mr. Vengeance,’ ‘Lady Vengeance’), ‘Thirst’ combines the standard beats of the action or horror genre with haunting performances, virtuoso direction, and grand themes to create incredibly intense, mesmerizing cinema. As the hero confronts his new existence, finds himself drawn to a beautiful young woman, and, yeah, drinks a lot o’ blood, his journey becomes something epic, operatic, and profoundly moving. Destined for cult status like the director’s other films, ‘Thirst’ is haunting.”

JE: “MORE vampires? Snooze! But I joke, mostly because vampires are becoming so damn ubiquitous that it’s a joke. Aren’t vampries supposed to be secretive, mysterious and elusive? Then how come I SEE THEM EVERYWHERE?! Ok, had to get that out of my system, and with good reason because here we have an interesting take onthe vampire movie. Not only does Park Chan-wook provide a novel and almost (but not really) explanation for a vampire, but he takes time to give us the wrenching, tragic and frankly un-pretty bits of suddenly discovering you’re a vampire. It’s not all sexy black clothes, flights and fights kids. In my opinion, and it’s one I think you’ll share, the best vampire flicks (or shows with vamps *cough-cough* BUFFY *cough-cough*) are the ones that carefully contrast the idea of being immortal yet-removed from society, and oh, the basic fact that you’re like a big ol’ parasite with fans and good clothes. And yes kids, do as Dr. Jones says and rent the rest of Park Chan-wook’s work. We’ll wait.”

The Goods: Live Hard, Sell Hard

VPJ: “Check out this comedy all-star lineup: Jeremy Piven, Ed Helms, Craig Robinson, Kristen Schaal, Ving Rhames, Tony Hale, Rob Riggle, David Keochner, and even a cameo from Will Ferrell. Dang – how could this possibly go wrong? Well… The story of a band of mercenary used car salesmen who sweep in to save dying lots by any means necessary, “The Goods” is going for a rambunctious, free-for-all workplace comedy and it is certainly trying very hard. Too hard. The

"Okay, we're all funny, so who needs a script, right? Who's with me..."

word ‘desperation’ comes to mind. There’s a special kind of sadness that creeps into a film like this when you can see so many talented, funny people running around with no one at the reins; you can actually see the performers withering up there on the screen. It’s a bummer, too, because of the collective talent involved and because I’m still sort of happy that Jeremy Piven has become a household name. Formerly just another F.O.C. (‘friend of Cusack’), Piven has, thanks to some adept scene-stealery and, of course, ‘Entourage,’ become a bankable star in his own right and, while I’m happy for him, he’s always had to be cautious that his fratboy cockiness didn’t curdle into offputting obnoxiousness. He was not cautious enough here.”

JE: “Sounds like another ‘Semi-Pro’ if you ask me. And we all know how well THAT turned out. Here’s the thing about ‘The Goods,’ and I’m not being an apologist (because I have not watched it.), but it’s a first-time effort from director Neal Brennan, a dude most of us may be familiar with because of his work on ‘Chappelle’s Show’ and yes, ‘Half Baked.’ OK, sure, you’re saying, but what about the writing Justin? Well, there I got nothing for you. The writers are also two first-timers, and maybe a frenetic ensemble flick was not in their best interest. Could it be that the assembled talent may have eclipsed the actual script here? If you’re a writer or director you KNOW the likes of Piven, Hale, Rhames, Keochner (can this guy get an Oscar for best second-bananna of all time?) are going to deliver, so could that be a crutch? I may not be an expert on screenwriting, but if you hand an actor a half-hearted script even the best thespian can’t pull it to success. This all reminds me Jonesy, we need to get to work on that rambunctious workplace comedy involving a video store employee and a reporter. Comedy GOLD!”

Speed Round! Since it was such a tremendous week on new releases Videoport Jones offers some quick takes:

Is Anybody There? Michael Caine warms your heart (perhaps gainst your will) as a cranky oldster befriending the requisite little tyke; Ballast, Acclaimed indie drama about a poor single mom trying to protect her family against the violence around her, and a secret from her past; Humpday, Indie comedy stars “The Blair With Project’s” Josh Leonard and mumblecore maven Mark Duplass as two straight friends who double-dog dare each other into making a gay porno); How to Be, Prettyboy “Twilight” hunklet Robert Pattinson stars as a pretentious would-be artist who tries to be less of a smelly hippie; Enlighten Up, A yoga skeptic puts on his unitard to test out the stretchy discipline’s merits in this documentary; My One and Only, Coming of age dramedy starring Rene Zellweger and based on the childhood of Hollywood tanning legend George Hamilton, of all people; Margaret Cho: Beautiful, New standup from the saucy/filthy comedienne; Only the Brave, A fact-based WWII film about the all-Japanese American battalion who single-handedly shamed our entire country for putting them and all their relatives in American prison camps; Spread, Ashton Kutcher is a money-grubbing Hollywood prettyboy who makes his living by seducing older women; he also made this movie- zing!

Parting Shots:

- Are you a Jim Jarmusch fan? What’s your favorite flick?

- Did the Star Trek reboot work?

- Does Sacha Baron Cohen schtick still work?

VideoReport #222

Volume CCXXII- I Am a Gamera

For the Week of 11/17/09

Videoport gives you a free movie every day. Any objections? No- we didn’t think so…

Middle Aisle Monday. (Get one free rental from the Sci-Fi, Horror, Incredibly Strange, Mystery/Thriller, Animation or Staff Picks sections with your paid rental.)

>>> Elsa S. Customer suggests that, this weekend, why not have a triple feature of thematically related films to compare and contrast? For sci-fi alienation, try Alien, The Thing (the John Carpenter version), and the 1978 production of The Invasion of the Body Snatchers. All three are chilling portraits of alienation — literal or figurative — and the horror of encroaching forces beyond our understanding. All three can be studied as deep metaphorical narratives of isolation, crumbling faith in institutional and social systems, and a pervasive fear of the treachery of others, but all three can be simply enjoyed as rip-roaring tales, too. Have a fun, frightened weekend — and keep looking over your shoulder.

Tough and Triassic Tuesday. (Get one free rental from the Action or Classics sections with your paid rental.)

>>> Dennis suggests you join in the fun and send us your movie reviews (essays, best of/worst of lists, etc) to us here at the VideoReport! Yup, Videoport’s weekly newsletter is a place for all of us in the Videoport community to talk about movies, share ideas, and basically just run off at the mouth, so don’t be shy! Send your submissions to us at denmn@hotmail.com, our Myspace page www.myspace.com/videoportjones, or just drop them off here in the store. (Obviously, Classics or Action reviews would have been most welcome this week…)

Wacky and Worldly Wednesday. (Get one free rental from the Comedy or Foreign Language sections with your paid rental.)

>>> Elsa S. Customer suggests sticking with the real deal in the Foreign section. Sigh. It drives me crazy that Hollywood feels the need to remake excellent films just to have an English-language version. To be honest, it’s not the remaking itself that makes me so nuts, but that all too often, the geniuses down at the Hollywood studios decide they have to tinker with the story that was so enticing to begin with… and we, the audience, end up with a watered-down, lackluster reworking of something that was once great. Here’s a tiny list of foreign-language films that outshine their English-language remakes: Insomnia, Spoorloos, Shall We Dansu, Solyaris (though Soderbergh’s remake is mighty good, too, it’s not up to the original), Abres Los Ojos, Wings of Desire, Mostly Martha.

Thrifty Thursday. (Get one free movie from any section with your paid rental.)

>>> Dennis suggests engaging in an Al Pacino orgy! Videoport, in its never-ending quest to sustained awesomeness, has just acquired the new boxed set of Pacino rarities…you’re welcome. First, and most excitingly, up, there’s the legendarily lost The Local Stigmatic! Why the exclamation point, you ask, well, here’s what IMDb.com has to say about it: “Al Pacino donated a copy to the Museum of Modern Art with the stipulation that it can only be shown with his

You know you want more of me...

permission. A small number of screenings have taken place since 1990.” And now, thanks to us, any time you want. It’s the story of two nihilistic English sociopaths (Pacino and ‘CSI’’s Paul Guilfoyle) who decide to beat the crap out of an actor for no apparent reason, and, yes, apparently, Pacino does essay a Cockney accent, which should, if nothing else does, make this one worth watching. Next, check out Chinese Coffee, where Pacino and the late, great Jerry Orbach play a couple of struggling writers arguing about, well, everything, really, for 99 minutes. Another excuse for Al and a talented costar to act the hell out of an obscure theater piece? Yes, please! After that, why not check out Babbleonia, a documentary where Big Al dishes on his long career, acting, and other stuff Pacinophiles will want to check out. Then, to top things off, take home the long-awaited DVD release of Looking for Richard, Pacino’s heartfelt and insightful documentary about his quest to play Shakespeare’s Richard III, as well as to understand what Shakespeare means to him. All in all, it’s a cinematic wet dream for the fans of that actor…what’s his name again? It’s on the tip of my tongue…

Free Kids Friday. (Get one free rental from the Children’s or Family sections, no other rental necessary).

>>> Adam S. Customer, 4, suggests Cars. He told his auntie, “You should watch it! Watch it! Watch it!” before patting her hand and adding in a gentle tone, “It gets a leeetle sad, but then it gets better… Watch it! Do you want to watch it right now?”

Having a Wild Weekend. (Rent two, get your third movie for free from any section on Saturday and Sunday.)

>>>For Saturday, Dennis suggests checking out Videoport’s new acquisitions from the smoky, sultry, doom-laden world of film noir! We love to buy cool, old stuff in bulk, so this recent boxed set (“Colombia Picture Film Noir Classics”) of heretofore-mostly-unreleased films noir hit the market, we scooped it up, created some unfortunately-nondescript-looking cover art (boxed sets are a real pain that way), and brought them to you, you lucky bastards. FIrst up, there’s The Big Heat (which we already had, but, hey), a true genre classic, with Glen Ford as a desperate cop out for revenge; great stuff, with Ford, Lee Marvin, and the kittykat Gloria Grahame doing great stuff with guns, bombs, and hot pots of coffee. Five Against the House has the titular five college chums deciding to plot the perfect crime, a complicated heist against the titular casino. Things may not go according to plan, especially when femme fatale Kim Novak is around. The Lineup features a young (not that he ever looked young) Eli Wallach as one of a pair of hitmen forced to kidnap a mother and daughter so they can explain to a big mob boss that they accidentally destroyed the fortune in heroin the hitmen were supposed to be delivering. I’m sure he’ll be understanding. From director Don Siegel (Invasion of the Body Snatchers, Dirty Harry). The Sniper is a 1952 thriller about a depressed, woman-hating jerk who, unsurprisingly, can’t get a girlfriend. Perhaps more surprisingly, he gets a high-powered rifle and starts shooting seemingly-random people as the cops try to chase him down. And Murder by Contract features “Ben Casey” star Vince Edwards as another hitman, this time running into trouble when he finds himself having those pesky qualms when it comes to his next target, a pretty lady.

>>>For Sunday, Dennis suggests Martin (in Horror). Finally coming to us on DVD, this 1977 sort-of vampire film is a forgotten gem from zombie-meister George A. Romero. The title character is a pale, sensitive young man who is lonely, orphaned, and tormented by his religious nutball old relative, constantly tells the boy he’s an evil, bloodthirsty vampire. Well, to be fair, Martin does attack people (mostly women) and drink their blood (after drugging and raping them)- but he doesn’t have fangs, so… The film nimbly dodges the question of what, exactly, Martin is, and concerns itself more with a study of who he is, and why he does what he does. Aided immeasurably by a sensitive, troublingly-sympathetic lead performance by a young guy named John Amplas (he’d show up in small roles in other Romero movies), Martin is a weird, disturbing, and mostly pretty fascinating character study, with a little horror and sleaze thrown in for kicks. Romero here, reveals a particular facility with staging (see especially the virtuoso sequence where Martin plays cat-and-mouse with a couple in their home), and coaxes some decent performances (always a weak spot in most of his films). Martin (along with his weird ‘knights on motorcycles’ drama Knightriders) is one of those oddball non-zombie George Romero movies that have achieved cult status and are well worth a rental.

New Releases this week at Videoport: It’s a huge week for new stuff, gang! Hang on tight… The Limits of Control (it’s the new film from indie god director Jim Jarmusch! An enigmatic mystery starring all his favorite actors, and destined for a cult following, which is why Videoport has twelve copies! It’s great, by the way), Star Trek (the big-budget, youth-injected reboot of the venerable (creaky) sci fi franchise is actually really good, for nerds and non-nerds alike; but mostly nerds…), Thirst (you liked Oldboy, right? Well here’s the director’s new film, a sexy Korean vampire film that all the cool kids are gonna be watching right now), Humpday (2 straight slacker friends double-dog-dare each other to enter an internet contest by making a gay porno with each other; costarring Josh from The Blair Witch Project and mumblecore pioneer Mark Duplass), Is Anybody There? (guaranteed heart-warming stuff starring Michael Caine as a cranky old coot in a retirement home who begrudgingly befriends the requisite little kid), It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia: It’s a Very Sunny Christmas (the worst people in the world make the funniest Christmas special of the year), Margaret Cho: Beautiful (she’s saucy [filthy, really] and funny…what more do you want?), Enlighten Up (a yoga devotee/filmmaker decides to film her skeptical friend as she immerses him in the wild world of, well, yoga), ‘Andy Barker, PI’- the complete series (yet another funny, inventive, and immediately-cancelled sitcom starring the ever-welcome Andy Richter; this time, he’s a mild-mannered accountant who starts taking on the clients of the detective who previously inhabited his new office; it also stars Tony Hale, veteran of the similarly-unfairly-cancelled ‘Arrested Development’), Only the Brave (fact-based WWII film about a battalion made up of Japanese American soldiers who, despite having their entire families sent to concentration camps by the American government, earned about a million medals and single-handedly shamed the entire nation), Spread (Ashton Kutcher is a money-grubbing Hollywood prettyboy who makes his living by seducing older women; he also made this movie- zing!), Franklyn (the Incredibly Strange Section welcomes this bizarre thriller which includes: parallel universes, religious dictatorships, masked vigilantes, and all manner of weirdness), How to Be (Twilight heartthrob/prettyboy Robert Pattinson watches this indie drama about a drippy would-be poet/musician who seeks out the guidance of a self-help guru in order to stop being an insufferable hippy poseur; does he succeed? We can only hope and pray…), My Sister’s Keeper (tearjerkery drama about a young girl who seeks emancipation from her parents, just because they only bred her to be a blood bank for her [one presumes] better-loved ill sister; starring the long-missing Cameron Diaz), The Goods: Live Hard, Sell Hard (certified funny fellas Jeremy Piven, David Koechner, Ving Rhames, Ed Helms, Tony Hale, Ken Jeong, and Rob Riggle star in this ensemble comedy about the desperate times at a used car lot; take it on a double feature Wednesday with the very funny 80s forebear Used Cars, starring Kurt Russell), My One and Only (in the week’s oddest biographical film of the week, this coming of age dramedy starring Rene Zellweger is based on the early life of leathery Hollywood laughingstock George Hamilton), Bruno (if a flamboyantly effeminate Austrian fashionista cornered you in the past year and started making you very uncomfortable by exposing your, and your country’s innate prejudices, you’re probably in this movie), Ballast (acclaimed drama about an embattled single mom trying to keep her family safe in the face on violence and her own past), ‘Primeval’- season 2 (Videoport’s Sci Fi/Fantasy section adds the second season of this series about a team of Brits trying to find out why the hell dinosaurs have started popping up all over the place).

New Arrivals this week at Videoport: The Stepfather (the original horror thriller about a serial-marrying psycho who kills his families when they fail to live up to his exacting standards, starring ‘Lost’’s Terry O’Quinn; watch it before the crappy remake hits DVD any second now), ‘Tom & Jerry’s Greatest Chases’ (the greatest hits of the popular yet thoroughly-unfunny classic cartoon characters), The Agony and the Ecstasy (DVD release of the Charlton Heston-as-Michelangelo biopic), Martin (see the Sunday review on page 1 for the lowdown on this little-seen George Romero vampire flick!), Babbleonia, The Local Stigmatic, Chinese Coffee, and Looking for Richard (see the Thursday review of all these recently-acquired Al Pacino rarities), Murder by Contract, 5 Against the House, The Lineup, The Sniper, and The Big Heat (see page 1’s Saturday review for the skinny on these new film noir classics joining the Mystery/Thriller section at Videoport!), ‘Race to Dakar’ (Charley Boorman ditches his far more photogenic pal Ewan McGregor and rides his well-worn motorcycle in the titular grueling race), Torso (thank Videoport’s loveable Andy for the addition of this 70s Italian sleaze/horror fest; Videoport’s nearly-as-loveable JackieO watched it and suggests that the title should be changed to “The Upper Part of the Female Torso- The Booby Part”), Pray the Devil Back to Hell (documentary about the brave women who successfully fought to have their home country of Liberia’s government not be such a haven for corrupt jerks), Homeboy (sort of a proto-Wrestler, this 1988 movie saw Mickey Rourke playing an aging [though still sort of pretty] boxer fighting for one last shot).

YOU WILL GO TO THIS!

Former Videoporter/local filmmaker/cool guy Allen Baldwin’s newest film Up Up Down Down will have its first test screening at the Nickelodeon theater (right around the corner) on Thursday, December 3rd at 7pm and 915pm! Come and see the latest film from Allen’s Strongpaw Productions (you can see his great first film Twelve Steps Outside in Videoport’s Feature Drama section)! C’mon!

Videoport regretfully informs you...

That the holiday shopping season is upon us. I know. Well, we here at Videoport want you to know that we feel your pain- here are some easy, affordable gifty solutions for your holiday blues

1. Videoport Gift Certificates! Available in $10, $20, and $30 increments, these make the perfect gift for the movie lover on your list you have no earthly idea what to get.

2. Movies! Duh! Videoport’s got a pile o’ DVDs (both new and previously-viewed), all at low prices. Which is nice and all, but here’s the real good news- for every movie you buy from us (instead of some soulless mega-chain), Videoport gives you, that’s you personally, a free rental for yourself. Yeah! Who says you shouldn’t get something out of this whole greed-filled holiday shopping experience? You deserve it, don’t you? Plus, Videoport can special order any movie, TV series, or boxed set currently in print, and we do it for free (none of that ’shipping and handling’ nonsense).

3. We now have really, really big boxes of jelly beans. People like those.

Free Money at Videoport! $20 buys you $25 worth of rental credit, while $30 buys you $40! Makes sense.

Justin Ellis (Press Herald) and I on the week’s new releases (11/10/09)

Oh joyous day! We’ve been counting down the weeks for a while now and Videoport Jones and I finally get to talk Pixar! The animation juggernaut has produced another winner, but sadly (and expectedly) Katherine Heigel has not. All that and some “The Big Lebowski” talk in this week’s new DVD releases!

UP

Videoport Jones: “Part of me wants to just write ‘It’s the new Pixar movie. Rent it. Duh’ and let it go at that. Sure, that might be the lazy part of me, and there’s no way you’d go for it Justin, but still… ‘A Bug’s Life,’ ‘Toy Story’ 1 & 2, ‘Cars,’ ‘Finding Nemo,’ ‘The Incredibles,’ ‘Monsters, Inc,’ ‘Ratatouille,’ ‘Wall-E.’ For one company to create nothing but ‘the best children’s movie of the year’ every year it puts one out, set the new standard for kids’ entertainment, and absolutely bury their lumbering, wheezing parent company (cough…Disney), their record is just unprecedented. And now it continues. ‘UP,’ the story of an old man who decides to float his house to South America with a bunch of balloons, is, in a lot of ways, Pixar’s riskiest venture yet. A crotchety old (albeit adorably-rendered) person as the protagonist, a long (but stunningly-economical, and heartbreaking) wordless montage right at the beginning of the movie to set up the story, some genuine danger and tension (memo to parents: conflict, and even fear, are necessary in art, and nothing to protect your little angels from, at least in this case), ‘UP’ is a funny, exciting, and challenging adventure movie that just happens to be for kids. In some ways, it reminds me of Terry Gilliam’s ‘Crimson Personal Assurance’ short film from Monty Python’s ‘Meaning of Life,’ where the downtrodden oldsters at an antiquated firm rebel against their young corporate masters and transform their building into a pirate ship; like Gilliam’s film (and most of Gilliam’s films, really) ‘UP’ centers on a premise of willful absurdity. But, unlike most Gilliam films, it doesn’t fall apart in its second half (sorry, Terry, but it’s true), instead launching itself into the sky with the dazzling visuals, nuanced voice acting (Ed Asner, ladies and gentlemen), thrilling action scenes, and the minutely-observed behavior that have been the Pixar trademark from the beginning. It’s not my favorite of their movies (that’d be ‘The Incredibles’), and, yeah, maybe the ending is a little rushed and the antagonist (Christopher Plummer, having fun) might be a little under-motivated, but those are the most minor of quibbles. Plus, there’s a funny dog – everybody loves a funny dog! As the lovely Ms. Videoport Jones said to me, ‘When I started watching it, I was sad that I wasn’t watching it with a child; then, as the movie went on, I realized It had returned me to my childhood.’ Sure, she’s a cheeseball, but she’s my cheeseball, and she’s absolutely right. One of the best movies of the year.”

Justin: “There is so much right with this movie and so much right about the way Pixar does its job that I struggle to know where to start. We are indeed gigantic, unapologetic fanboys for Pixar, but it’s like the saying goes ‘it ain’t braggin’ if you’re the best.’ And no one can possibly challenge Pixar for that title belt right now (most certainly not their parent company). I was caught off-guard by the raw emotionality of ‘Wall•E,’ with its sort of disparate, desolate tale of humanity and this cute, awesome little robot at the center of it all. ‘UP’ was another unexpected emotional sucker punch of a story. The plot seems like the perfect story for a family movie, involving talking animals, fantastic exotic places, action and humor. And while it has all those things it has a story that is so heartfelt and moving that it surprises you and makes the whole feature that much more captivating. As we were talking about the recently, Pixar has enough talent and technical skill that they could easily mimic reality in their stories, but then you’d end up with ‘The Polar Express.’ Instead they create a sort of ‘hyper-reality’ where the characters and settings occupy this rich universe that is cartoony but ultimately incredibly human. Looking at Ed Asner’s character you’d think he was a Happy Meal toy, but he’s this fully-realized person that seems as genuine as the person next to you. This is helped in no small way by the voice talents of Mr. Asner. Overall just a wonderful, winning film that families of all types (that means those with kids and those of us without) can enjoy. I’ll go a step further than Jonesy: Buy it.”

The Ugly Truth

VPJ: “Gerard Butler plays a macho, chauvinistic TV personality whose popular on-air advice is challenged by his headstrong feminist producer Katherine Heigl, who sets out to prove him wrong by following his guy-type advice to, um, prove him wrong, I guess? They may or may not fall in love in the end (I don’t want to spoil anything), perhaps when each of them learns the value of moderation in their formerly-hidebound views on the battle of the sexes. Sigh. This, if any of you readers is over sixteen, was the exact plot of approximately seven hundred rock Hudson/Doris Day movies, and was pretty successfully parodied/deconstructed in ‘Down With Love,’ about six years ago. And yet here it is again, as if the makers and its lukewarm fans had never seen a movie before. In lieu of further beating on something so slight I’d actually feel a little guilty for doing so (not really), I’d like to ask a few questions about its stars. Does anyone else have trouble remembering what Gerard Butler looks like? I mean, he’s a pleasant enough fella, and the man can wear a leather jerkin, but his actual physical appearance escapes me when I try to think about him – he just will not stick in my mind. (Other people who do this: Mark Hammill, Paul Walker, Jessica Alba, Jessica Biel, pretty much anyone named Jessica. It’s weird). And Heigl – man is there a less likable female lead in movies right now? (I mean, Joan Crawford’s dead.) Whom hasn’t she

We hate you.

thrown under the bus? She was the weak link in her biggest hit, the very funny ‘Knocked Up,’ and then accused Judd Apatow et al of being sexist (only to choose as her next project a movie – ‘27 Dresses’- where she’s a pretty, pretty girl who’s all sad because she can’t find a man). The only reason anyone knew who she was in the first place was due to ‘Grey’s Anatomy,’ whose writers she publicly trashed in the press in order to try and get out of her TV contract (a tactic she employed years earlier on ‘Roswell’). Plus, she’s not very good. Oh, and my colleague Regan assures me that there’s a scene in the surprisingly-smutty ‘The Ugly Truth’ where she is brought to orgasm by a nine year old boy. Despite that fact, Regan also assures me that the movie is really weak.”

JE: “Presenting for the People vs. Katherine Heigl, Mr. Videoport Jones. You could give Sam Waterston a run for his money my friend. Still, half of your argument has one weak link: Hollywood will never stop producing crappy ‘will they/won’t they’ romantic comedy. Producers have an unhealthy lust for these type of movies, which wouldn’t be a bad thing if there was any thought put into them. Think of what made those Rock Hudson/Doris Day movies (or, Spencer Tracy/Katharine Hepburn, Ginger Rogers and Fred Astaire, etc) good was likable (and talented) stars, a smart-but-light plot, some comedy and CHEMISTRY. Now producers are more likely to bank on stars and neglect the rest of that list. And that’s how you end up with all these movies that don’t just feel vaguely similar but ARE completely similar, just swap in Matthew McConaghey, Harry Connick Jr., or Colin Firth and Renee Zellweger, Kate Hudson or Sandra Bullock. This may sound like a joke but stop and consider it for a minute. Go ahead, I’ll wait…See? The biggest complaint I have with these type of movies (or the recent iteration of them) is that little attention is paid to making it seem plausible the romantic leads WON’T get together. Isn’t that the inherent drama here, what people are paying for? If you come in and after 15 minutes say ‘yup, she’s gonna sleep with him,’ then what’s the point. It’s like they’re making a cake off an old recipe that’s missing a few ingredients. As for Gerald Butler I still have faith he can make a career for himself in either smashing things or switching gears and doing comedy (he seemed to have the potential to be funny on a recent ‘SNL’). As for Heigel, my thoughts on her really aren’t fit for print in a family publication. She’s the worst kind of actor, worst kind of person and typifies everything you think of with the word ‘celebrity.’ If she contracted some mysterious illness that forced her to leave acting forever this would not be a bad thing. She cannot fall out of favor with producers fast enough.”

The Achievers

VPJ: “Sometimes I love America. Not so much when we’re torturing people, stuffing 25% of the world’s natural resources down our ever-widening gullets, and denying basic civil rights to gay people. But I love America when we use our unique American ingenuity and lack of real problems to come up with sublimely-ridiculous wastes of time like Lebowski-Fest. Created as a joke by some rabid (yet mellow) fans of the Coen Brothers’ ‘The Big Lebowski,’ the Fest has grown over the years, drawing in bathrobe-clad, White Russian-sipping devotees of the Dude, Walter, Donnie, Maude Lebowski, Nihilists, Jackie Treehorn, and The Jesus to pay homage to one of the most bizarrely-beloved films of all time. Sort of like a ‘Trekkies’ for ‘The Big Lebowski,’ the film is, like ‘Trekkies,’ amusedly affectionate towards its subjects, guys who, it seems, have taken the Dude’s half-Zen/half-stoned philosophy to their slovenly hearts. The Dude abides, and ‘The Achievers’ is a testament to, well, abiding.”

JE: “And I’ll gladly STAND-UP, next to you and defend her still TODAY! Cause their ain’t no doubt I love this lannnnnnnnnnnd! God BLESS the USA!…Sorry. I got a little teary-eyed there. You actually have hit on something interesting (as you often do), which is this quirky ingenuity we seem to have a trademark on in America. The kind of inventiveness that astounds you because you never thought someone would devote so much time to a movie or TV, but you get scared at the thought of what if they used those powers for good? In that same vein it seems this is becoming a sub-genre of movies, the ‘fanatic documentary’ that follows these people and their passions. As for ‘The Big Lebowski,’ consider me a big fan (and obnoxious over-quoter). It could be my favorite Coen Brothers flick (‘Miller’s Crossing,’ ‘O Brother Where Art Thou’ and ‘Raising Arizona’ all trade that top spot too.). Though I don’t know if I’m fan enough to dress up as Karl Hungus in public. Maybe. Bangor recently had a sizable Lebowski fest and I think Portland is due for its own. Could I interest you in a White Russian my friend?”

And get ready for the SPEED ROUND of the rest of this week’s releases, or, as Jonesy puts it “movies not quite interesting enough for me to have seen this week.” But that doesn’t mean it’s not worth your consideration:

Bela Fleck: Throw Down Your Heart: “Beloved musician tours Africa in this documentary!”

Lake Tahoe: “Hapless teen meets quirky weirdos while trying to find someone to fix his family car on the QT in this indie dramedy!”

The Accidental Husband: “Uma Thurman is back in this difficult-to-explain comedy about a guy who pretends that he and Uma’s advice guru are secretly married to get revenge on her for advising his girlfriend to leave him! (Told you it was confusing…)”

The Merry Gentleman: “Michael Keaton is back! He directs himself as a tortured hitman falling in love with the lady from ‘No Country for Old Men!’”

PARTING SHOTS:

- Seriously, why is Pixar dominating animated family features?
- Is the drama gone from “will they/won’t they” movies?
- Would you suit up for a Lebowski Fest in Portland? Who’d you be?

VideoReport #221

Volume CCXXI- How I Met Your Mothra

For the Week of 11/10/09

Videoport thinks that fully 47% of you are wonderful. But you all may have a free movie every day. Because we at Videoport believe that everyone should have the same rights. To a free movie. And other things…

Middle Aisle Monday. (Get one free rental from the Sci-Fi, Horror, Incredibly Strange, Mystery/Thriller, Animation or Staff Picks sections with your paid rental.)

>>> Dennis suggests Graveyard Shift (in Horror). The lovely Mrs. Elsa S. Customer and I have been catching up on our crappy horror movies lately. Why do I mention that in connection with this Maine-set 80s Stephen King adaptation? Umm… This one has sort of a legendary reputation of wretchedness which had kept me away for a long time, which is weird, because I actively seek out bad horror movies in my free time. Well, we decided it was about time and there were some admittedly minor points of interest: the ever-welcome Brad Dourif* is on hand, hamming it up with customary glee as a psychotic Vietnam vet/ exterminator, it was actually (unlike most King adaptations) filmed in Maine (Bangor, Brewer, and Harmony, to be exact), and, well, that was it, really. The story of an ancient, run-down textile mill that is basically OSHA’s worst nightmare, dilapidated and swarming with rats!  Rats!!  They’re actually pretty cute, but there’s a big, rubbery, blubbery thing down in the bowels of the place that keeps killing off sweaty workers (which no one seems to notice, even though there are only about twenty people in the town). There’s an evil boss (Stephen Macht’s Maine accent is easily the most fascinating thing in the film), some completely-unmotivated character turns, and, um…yeah, it sucks, although perhaps slightly less (maybe 12%) than advertised, but still… yeah, it’s terrible.

*Editor’s note: Brad Dourif’s career is really strange. He started off like gangbusters, with an Oscar nomination for playing Billy Bibbitt in One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest, and then, after exactly one high-profile lead (in John Huston’s fascinating, underrated Wise Blood- available in Videoport’s Criterion section), he has worked tirelessly, and almost exclusively, playing over-the-top weirdos, bug-eyed psychos, and, well, cuckoos in low-budget genre films.  And, unlike some actors who fall to that sort of role because that’s the true level of their talent, Dourif is always great.  Look at (mostly awful) movies like Exorcist III, Dune, Critters 4, Color of Night, Alien Resurrection, even the Chuckie movies, (and that episode of the ‘X Files’ he was in)- he never phones it in, is always in there, giving it all he’s got.  And more often than not, he’s the best thing in the movie. (Even when he took a role in the biggest hit trilogy of all time, The Lord of the Rings, he was playing a squirmy weirdo… and knocking it out of the park.)  His acclaim playing a slightly less-repellant guy than usual on ‘Deadwood’ hasn’t stopped him from accepting work in upcoming films titled things like Death and Cremation and Junkyard Dog.  Great actor, deliberately odd career.

Tough and Triassic Tuesday. (Get one free rental from the Action or Classics sections with your paid rental.)

>>> Elsa S. Customer suggests The Terminator (in Action). The now-legendary 1984 sci-fi action flick that cemented the reputation of director-writer James Cameron and transformed a hunk of affectless Austrian meat into a bankable movie star, The Terminator is built on compellingly simple narrative tension.  For heroine Sarah Connor (Linda Hamilton), it’s a nightmare scenario: you’re going about your everyday business, just trying to make ends meet and maybe go on a date, and suddenly you are pursued by a murderous entity (Arnold Schwarzenegger) whose only reason for existence is to destroy you. The film’s special effects reflect the low budget, and in this case, they just plain work.  Let’s face it, even state-of-the-art effects from 1984 would look dated to our eyes; where Cameron relies upon low-tech, on-set effects, the film runs smoothly without jerking the viewer out of the film. (Admittedly, there are also attempts at high-tech effects here, and those look just as silly to a modern eye as you’d expect.)  Much of the film’s dialogue, grown stale with repetition over the years, is refreshingly in context.  Man, who knew “I’ll be back” could be so funny?

Wacky and Worldly Wednesday. (Get one free rental from the Comedy or Foreign Language sections with your paid rental.)

>>> Elsa S. Customer suggests State and Main (in Comedy). In a break from his usual heist-and-hostility routine, David Mamet brings us a movie about movies: temperamental talents, deeply hidden secrets, and the panic of production delays.  The premise: the entire cast and crew of Hollywood production The Old Mill has been booted out of the small New England town where they’re filming. As the frantic director tries to hustle another town’s mayor into signing on as their new location, the clock is ticking away.  And time is money, people.  Writer-director David Mamet’s dialogue is pointed, clever, witty, and utterly despicable.  With its quick, smart humor and characters running the range from “wretchedly angst-ridden” to “utterly vile,” State and Main feels like an Aaron Sorkin show set in Hell.  William H. Macy plays director Walt Price with whiplash virtuosity, slipping effortlessly between unctuous gladhanding and vicious rants.  Philip Seymour Hoffman turns in another masterful performance as the first-time screenwriter improvising like mad despite his almost total lack of confidence; Hoffman takes the sad-sack role and transcends it.  Alec Baldwin delivers here one of his nastiest comic roles as the big-name movie star with a loathsome yen for underaged girls.  And here’s a sneaky little in-joke: the small-town mayor (perfectly played by Charles Durning) is named George Bailey — a poke at Frank Capra’s It’s a Wonderful Life.  As Mamet no doubt knows, Capra’s view of small-town life was far from the whitewashed sentimentality we celebrate in the film today.  It’s a Wonderful Life gave us a glimpse of village life’s underbelly, and State and Main would like to pick up when Capra left off, plunging farther into the ghastly depths than Capra ever dreamed.  With its vicious wit, its depravities, and its rapid-fire plot complications, State and Main is a screwball comedy of the darkest shade.

Thrifty Thursday. (Get one free movie from any section with your paid rental.)

>>> Dennis suggests Patton Oswalt: My Weakness Is Strong (in Comedy). Reviewing a standup comedy special is usually pretty dull. I mean, apart from ‘boy this sure was funny’, there’s not a lot of places to go usually.  So here are some random thought’s about this new one from hipster darling/hobbit Oswalt.  He is very adept at mining laughs from seemingly absurd analogies which, upon immediate reflection, make a great deal of sense (comparing George W. Bush to sodomy demons, for example; you’ll just have to see it).  He is remarkable at donning very specific comic personae; not that he’s an impressionist, he’s just very in control of his instrument/voice, and the comic effects he wants to elicit; (see his impression of himself as a fat[ter] guy and that of a startlingly well-drawn Southern bartender).  He’s got some nice, Carlin-esque takes on ’serious’ issues (specifically religion in this one) where, like Carlin, he spins a very funny argument (in this case how religion came into being) which is hilarious, insightful, and makes enormous sense all at the same time.  Oh, and this is really, really funny.

Free Kids Friday. (Get one free rental from the Children’s or Family sections, no other rental necessary).

>>> Andy suggests Escape From the Planet of the Apes.   If you’re looking for the excellent sci fi classic Planet of the Apes, you’ll find it in the Sci Fi/Fantasy section.   You also find the pretty good first sequel Beneath the Planet of the Apes and Tim Burton’s dull remake in Sci Fi/ Fantasy. But when you’re done with those, I suggest you turn your attention to the Family section and check out the second, third, and fourth sequels for some fun, G-rated, if pretty violent, Apes action.   The third film, Escape From the Planet of the Apes, is by far the best of these.   The plot involves the apes from the first film traveling back in time to our ‘present day’ (1976) or so and trying not to mess up the future while sticking up for ape rights or something.  It’s all in fun, in the same vein as Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home.  You can tell the producers were trying to save money by shooting on location instead of building futuristic sets.   Budget problems don’t prevent Escape from being an entertaining sci fi adventure, but with the fourth (Conquest of the Planet of the Apes*) and fifth (Battle for the Planet of the Apes) films in the series, there is a noticeable step down in production value. (Still…free rental folks.)

*Editor’s note: Andy’s very right about the later films, but Conquest, which shows how the apes first rebelled against their human masters with zombie invasion-like single-mindedness really creeped me out as a kid. Creep out your kid today!

Having a Wild Weekend. (Rent two, get your third movie for free from any section on Saturday and Sunday.)

>>>For Saturday, Dennis suggests sending in your movie or TV reviews (or movie essays, best-of lists, etc) to us at the VideoReport! (So we can fill this review space with actual, you know, reviews and stuff.) Just drop them off at the store, send them to denmn@hotmail.com, or our Myspace page www.myspace.com/videoportjones or our Facebook page “Videoport Jones”! And, aw heck, while you’re on the intra-nets, why not stop in at our movie blog www.videoportjones.wordpress.com!

>>>For Sunday, Elsa S. Customer suggests Delicatessen (in Foreign Language).  Vividly textured, richly ambiguous, and darkly comic, Delicatessen opens in a ramshackle tenement hazily located in a French town in some unspecified dystopian future.  Food is scarce, yet the butcher shop occupying the building’s first floor never seems to feel the pinch too badly. I think you see where this is going… but the new tenant does not.  His name is Louison (played by oddly charming rubber-faced actor Dominique Pinon), he’s a former circus performer, and he delights the neighborhood children with his clowning antics, which are cartoonishly impressive.  Indeed, Delicatessen has a cartoonish quality that meshes weirdly but successfully with its grubby, dark setting and its gruesome premise.  This is the first feature film of co-directors Marc Caro and Jean-Pierre Jeunet, who also co-directed the great City of Lost Children.  Jeunet is now perhaps best known as the director of Amélie, and it’s easy to see Amélie as the indirect descendant of the grotesqueries of Delicatessen. Both films immerse themselves in a whimsically embroidered narrative built around the laborious quirks of its characters, and does so with an aplomb that magically weaves a potentially overwrought, incoherent mess into a beautifully balanced composition of humor, compassion, sorrow, and wonder.

New Releases this week at Videoport: UP (it’s the new Pixar animated film, about an old man who floats his home with a mess o’ balloons; if you watch it, it will thrill you, move you, and make you happy- so you should watch it), The Ugly Truth (Gerard Butler and Katherine Heigl are a mismatched couple who may, or may not, overcome their differences and fall in love; I’m on pins and needles myself), The Merry Gentleman (Michael Keaton directs himself and No Country for Old Men’s Kelly Macdonald in this tale of a troubled young woman who falls in love with a troubled hit man, who may, by definition, be more troubled than she), Ink (dark, upsetting fairy tale film about the war between good and evil that takes place when we’re asleep; compared favorably to Dark City by more than one reviewer…), The Accidental Husband (a disgruntled firefighter, angry at the advice guru whom he believes caused his girlfriend to leave him, somehow (the details are a little unclear) convinces said guru that they were secretly married, even though she’s all engaged and stuff; convoluted comedy comes to us from director Griffin Dunne and stars Uma Thurman, Jeffrey Dean Morgan, and Colin Firth), Lake Tahoe (from the renting-like-hotcake Film Movement series comes this indie dramedy about a hapless teenager who turns to help from a wide variety of eccentric characters when he accidentally wrecks the family car), Hurt (creepy horror thriller about a single mom who moves into the salvage yard home owned by a crazy uncle, finds a seemingly-adorable orphaned child, and then…well, I’m not tellin’),

New Arrivals this week at Videoport: Pageant (fifty gay men battle for the right to be crowned Miss Gay America in this documentary), Bela Fleck: Throw Down Your Heart (documentary follows the titular musician as he makes a tour of Africa), The Thing (From Another World) (the Howard Hawks original alien from space classic finally gets a DVD release; trivia time: although Hawks’ longtime editor Christian Nyby is credited as the film’s director, it’s pretty widely accepted that Hawks himself actually directed the film but allowed pal Nyby to take the credit), Eddie Izzard: Live from Wembley (British comic [and now sought-after character actor] Izzard is as quick on his feet and free-from as Robin Williams, only Izzard is still funny and doesn’t make you want to just slap him as hard as you can so he’ll finally shut up), Where God Left His Shoes (John Leguizamo tries to tone down his undeniable innate creepiness in this heartwarming story of a homeless dad trying to get a job on Christmas Eve so his family will qualify for an apartment), The Achievers: The Story of Lebowski Fans (documentary reveals the story behind the birth of Lebowski-Fest, a growing gang of guys turning the Cohen Brothers’ The Big Lebowski into a cult film by dressing up as The Dude and drinking White Russians), The Chaser (sleazy-looking Korean thriller about a dirty cop-turned-pimp who discovers that his hookers are being killed off by a serial killer), The Bunker (Anthony Hopkins is Hitler! In this movie, of course…), My First DVD (new to Videoport’s kids section comes this program designed to introduce your little angel to the wonderful world of DVDs; lesson one: DON’T TOUCH THE SHINY SIDE OF A DVD EVER!!!!!; lesson two: DON’T LET A CHILD TOUCH A DVD, ESPECIALLY THE SHINY SIDE!!!! IT’S CALLED PARENTING!!!!!).

YOU WILL GO TO THIS!

Former Videoporter/local filmmaker/cool guy Allen Baldwin’s newest film Up Up Down Down will have its first test screening at the Nickelodeon theater (right around the corner) on Thursday, December 3rd at 7pm and 915pm! Come and see the latest film from Allen’s Strongpaw Productions (you can see his great first film Twelve Steps Outside in Videoport’s Feature Drama section)! C’mon!

Justin Ellis (of the Press Herald) and I on the week’s new releases (11/3/09)

We’re back in business baby! This week’s new releases on DVD finally give Videoport Jones and I a reason to do the Snoopy Dance for the first time in a long time. Not only do we get to breakdown remakes, talk food choices and bash my devotion to 80s pop culture, but Will Ferrell makes a triumphant comeback! That’s something we can all be happy about.

You’re Welcome: A Final Night with George W. Bush

Videoport Jones: “Now this is more like it. After a string of subpar film outings that, frankly, were trying the patience of even his staunchest supporters (being you and me, Justin), Will Ferrell busts out with this, a filmed record of his one-man Broadway show, and all the ‘Semi-Pros,’ ‘Land of the Losts’ and ‘Blades of Glorys’ are washed away in a tide of welcome, teary-eyed belly laughs. Ferrell as Bush was one

I...am...the balls.

of SNL’s characters for the ages, a nigh-perfect comedic storm of actor, impression, satire, and just all-around lunatic weirdness that was utterly bananas while capturing the essence of its subject. Ferrell’s narrow-eyed, blinky, malaprop-prone, blusterous Bush was sorely missed after Ferrell left SNL (sorry Will Forte, but your Bush sucked out loud), and now he has treated us to an entire evening’s worth of his best parting shots at our worst president. Is it trenchant, insightful political satire? Well, that’s not really the point, although I maintain that a comedic portrayal as lunatically-inspired as this one can get to the heart of its subject with as much insight as any laboriously-footnoted biography. Plus, this is just simply one of the funniest things I’ve seen all year; and at 115 minutes, it handily defies the notion that Ferrell’s impression is only suited for a five minute sketch. Ferrell wrote it for himself, thus reaffirming my notion that he should only appear in things he’s written; he blends fact with loony, manic fancy, spinning his monlogue out into the absurdist stratosphere before snatching it back with some surprising moments of real emotion. Will Ferrell is back.”

Justin: “Oh thank the MAKER! He has emerged from the wilderness, and we’ll welcome him with open arms. I remember when he originally kicked off this show on Broadway and people ate it up. (Let’s also not forget he was, indeed, nominated for a Tony Award.) You could argue that this is just another turn on the madcap man-boy that Ferrell always plays, but in this case it works so, so well. The reason his George W. Bush was funny was because it was over the top. Heck, it took a rocket sled and boomed past being just a simple impression. Ferrell took all the small mannerisms and tweaked the former president’s tone just a bit and what he ended up with was hilarious. In the same way Darrell Hammond’s take has become short-hand for a Clinton impression, so has Ferrell’s Bush. If you’re looking for all the best bits of Ferrell, just nailing the impression, you’ll get it here as we get flight suit hero Bush, brush-cutting cowboy Bush and of course, confident commander-in-chief Bush. We get the snickering laugh, the nicknames, the odd anecdotes and plenty more. If you weren’t a fan of Ferrell as Bush then this is not for you. But if, like me and Jonesy, you thought it was comedy gold, then you can’t pass this one up. I’m happy to recommend a Will Ferrell movie again.”

GI Joe: The Rise of Cobra

VPJ: “I’d like to start off this review by stating that when a movie’s credits begin with the phrase “in association with HASBRO”, you know it’s gonna be quality. Yup, it’s the second week with a toy-based mega action blockbuster hitting the Videoport shelves in a row. I think we’ve done something wrong. And are being punished. (A sidebar: which genre is the most hellish on us viewers?: the ‘based on video game movie’ (‘Street Fighter,’ ‘Doom,’ ‘Super Mario Brothers,’ ‘Mortal Kombat,’ etc), the ‘based on a board game’ movie (‘Clue,’ ‘The Mutant Chronicles,’ the upcoming ‘Candyland’ film – god, I wish I were joking), the ‘based on a Disney theme park ride’ movie (‘Tower of Terror,’ ‘The Haunted Mansion,’ and don’t get me started in the interminable ‘Pirates of the Caribbean’ franchise), the ‘based on a TV series movie (a list too depressing to go into here), or this, the ‘based on a toy line’ movie? Man, I sort of liked ‘Clue,’ so it can’t be that category, but…wow, “big, dumb, loud, dumb, and dumb” pretty much sums up both ‘Transformers 2′ and this thing. There are actors in it, and they are all, without exception, awful (even the talented among the cast, like Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Christopher Eccleston, Adewale Akinnuoye-Agbaje, and Jonathan Pryce come off like they’ve just been whammed with a ball peen hammer before filming). There is “action” in it, but said “action” is ossified into numb lethargy through judicious applications of CGI and limp direction. There is, like in Transformers, a George Lucas-style idea of humor which necessitates minstrelly black guy comic relief (surprise! it’s a Wayans!) and winking in-jokes that would be funny to, um, who? I know I’m overanalyzing a completely inconsequential film, but, hell, if I has to watch this dispiriting mess, then I’m gonna take out my frustrations. On all of you. Sorry.”

JE: “Well at least you didn’t pay money to see it in a theater. I am indeed, a sucker, and some might say powerless, to childhood nostalgia. How else can I explain seeing both this and ‘Transformers 2′ in theaters this past summer? I’m a masochist. I don’t know what to say about this movie to give a sense of how truly, powerfully, irredeemably bad this movie is. There was a moment, a window of possibility, where I thought this movie could work by not taking itself seriously and providing ridiculous amounts of action porn. Not the best attraction for a movie, but not too high of a bar to reach for. But no, they couldn’t even manage that. The action is an incomprehensible miasma of CGI, jump cuts and noise. And when you can’t hang your hat on the action, you start to notice all the other glaring flaws. More than anything what disappoints me about this movie is that unlike Transformers, GI Joe could have been a successful 80s-powered update. The premise is simple: a US special forces/counter-terrorism team fights bad guys to save the day. And oh yeah, ninjas are involved. This should have been a home run and instead its a mess. Seriously, think about it. How many countless TV shows and other movies have you seen dealing with the same premise that worked just fine? I don’t know if it was a horrendous script, tinkering from Hasbro, studio-think or just a combination of all these things that contributed to this mess. I’d be lying if I didn’t say it hurt a bit as a child of the 80s to watch this.”

The Taking of Pelham 123

VPJ: “Let’s just get a few things out of the way before the review proper: firstly, let’s just stop all this ‘the remake is better than the original’ jabber right in its tracks. Director Tony Scott (more about that guy later) and a lot of reviewers are taking potshots at the 1974 original, which is great. Matthau. Robert Shaw. Gritty, unglamorous pre-beautification NYC locations. Shaw’s final scene. Great final line. It’s a good movie. Rent that one. As for this one – it’s…fine. Directed by Ridley Scott’s vastly-less talented little brother (check out this roll call of flashy mediocrity: ‘Deja Vu,’ ‘Domino,’ ‘Spy Game,’ ‘Enemy of the State,’ ‘The Fan,’ ‘Days of Thunder,’ and, of course, ‘Top Gun’), this remake, about a hijacked subway car, employs all of the flashy, superficial tricks in his glossy arsenal. And I mean all of them. This might be the spazziest film in recent memory, catering to the attention span of, I guess, Red Bull/meth addicts. Whip pan! Slow motion! Fast motion! Smash cut! Just…slow…down, buddy, we’re trying to watch a movie. As to the movie itself, it’s the Denzel vs. Travolta show, of course, and their battle of wills is…fine. Denzel, playing the conflicted subway controller, shows that he’s, well, still Denzel. He’s good in it, as usual, although he was better in the similar, but better, ‘Inside Man.’ As for Travolta, he’s fine. I mean, he’s very, very boring, as he has been for about fifteen years, but he’s hamming it up with all his might. It’s not convincing, but, well, at least he’s, um, loud? There’s the collection of good character actors (Michael Rispoli, John Turturro, Luis Guzman) that you can afford when you’re making a big-budget, slightly above average action blockbuster. It’s fine. Watch the original.”

JE: “Let me echo my esteemed colleague’s words: ‘Watch The Original.’ It’s really that simple. Now, I should admit that I am a big, big fan of the gritty NYC movies of the 70s. Something about the look, feel and ambition of the filmmakers, not to mention the great characters, makes for great cinema. I’m talking about ‘The French Connection,’ “Serpico,’ and the original ‘The Taking of Pelham One-Two-Three” to name a few. What makes the original so great, aside from the grimy, claustrophobic backdrop of New York at the time, is the strong characters like Matthau and Shaw, but also great bit parts from character guys you’d recognize like Martin Balsam and Lee Wallace. It’s the story of an every-day subway controller who gets sucked into this tense hostage negotiation. It’s the everyman in wrong place/wrong time. With the update/remake, its harder to buy from The Denzel, mostly because, well, he’s Denzel. Like you say Jonesy, he’s good and reliable (like a classic car), but that doesn’t always make him the best for the job. And as for Travolta, well, good for him for still getting work. Do yourself a favor and rent the original, then rent this remake. While there’s nothing wrong with it, you’ll get a glimpse at what they were trying for…and how they fell short.”

Food, Inc.

VPJ: “I’m a vegetarian. I try not to be one of those vegetarians, though. You know the ones: strident, self-righteous, lecture-y. The ones that hurt the cause of vegetarianism every time they open their mouths. That being said, it’s easier to keep your opinions to yourself when there are people making documentaries like this one, about the megacorporations who control virtually all of the food production in the world. Their methods are about what you’d expect (driving small farmers and entrepreneurs out of business with amoral capitalistic glee), but it’s the meat production stuff that…man. I won’t go into it (I don’t want to be one of those), but this movie will make you angry, queasy, and really, really upset. That’s entertainment!”

JE: “Dammit Jonesy, I thought we had an unwritten agreement we wouldn’t talk about your…condition. Yes Maine, it’s true, I, the bacon-loving crown-prince of carnivores, am good friends with a…vegetarian. We can achieve peace in our time. That said, I like to think of myself as an enlightened meat-lover, who realizes the bad, reprehensible and otherwise icky things that get done in the name of getting a Black Angus ‘55 oz Lost Mesa HE-MAN steak slab!’ (Apologies to Mr. Patton Oswalt) I say this because I feel like flicks like this and books like ‘Fast Food Nation’ (but not the movie.) make meat-eaters developer a sort of Catholic-esque guilt about loving the meat. Those feelings aside, if you are someone (like me) who likes learning about where products come from, how industries work and the ways all these things impact you, then check out this movie. Michael Pollan, who appears in this flick, is no stranger to the workings of the food industry and all things eating-related, and I think he makes a more compelling storyteller than say, oh, I don’t know, Michael Moore. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go have a debate with my sandwich over whether I’m going to eat it.”

Lemon Tree

VPJ: “A symbolic drama about a resolute Palestinian widow who tries to keep her new neighbor, an Israeli defense minister, from having the titular beloved tree cut down. It’s exactly the sort of heartfelt, allegorical drama that makes me feel sad and powerless as a would-be artist. We can write all of the humanistic, lovely little films and stories in the world addressing that world’s biggest, most insoluble problems with insight, sensitivity, and love of our fellow man, and some jackass with an exploding vest or a cruise missile renders it all irrelevant and pitifully silly. Maybe I’m just having a bad day…”

JE: “Come on old chum, turn that frown upside down! But you have stumbled on the dirty little secret of good art my friend: even when it conveys a powerful message, it can live in a vacuum, and ultimately effect very little. And that’s a little disheartening. Whether it’s poverty and civil war in Africa or the ongoing conflict between Israelis and Palestinians, the best movie in the world can only do so much. In this case the story clearly serves as an allegory for the whole conflict around the West Bank. But when that story is brought to life with such rich characters and told in such a moving way, the story becomes something else all together. Ironic, eh? A movie conveys such a strong, poignant message, and yet how much can it actually change? So, uh, hey, wasn’t ‘Clue’ an awesome movie?”

Finally, Videoport brings you the following movies without comment: “I Love You, Beth Cooper,” “Aliens In the Attic,” “Command Performance” (with Dolph Lundgren!), “The Answer Man,” “The Tournament,” and, of course, “Sand Serpents.”

PARTING SHOTS!
- Will Ferrell’s George W. Bush: Funny, unfunny or overrated?
- Why won’t Justin learn his nostalgia for 80s pop culture is hurting him?
- What’s the best remake you’ve seen lately?

VideoReport #220

Volume CCXX- November Rain

For the Week of 11/3/09

Videoport gives you a free rental every, single day. You’re welcome…

Middle Aisle Monday. (Get one free rental from the Sci-Fi, Horror, Incredibly Strange, Mystery/Thriller, Animation or Staff Picks sections with your paid rental.)

>>> Ed the Renter continues his perilous A-Z journey through Videoport’s Incredibly Strange section. Hold on tight:

Alien Prey- A couple of lesbians get attacked by a carnivorous alien. What more needs to be said! Rent now!

The Adventures of Barry Mackenzie- Pretty good especially if you thought Crocodile Dundee needed more comedy and crossdressers.

The Alarmist- Not very impressive but begs the question “who decided the best way to advertise this disc was with a picture of Stanley Tucci tied to a chair with David Arquette leering over him”? Hey, if the phrase “Stanley Tucci in bondage” is your thing, go for it.

The Anarchist’s Cookbook- This could have been much better but fell into the whole “rebelling isn’t really such a good thing” mold- boring.

Andy Warhol’s Trash- Yeah that pretty much sums up all those films for me. I hate Warhol, never understood his appeal, and pretty much hold him responsible for ruining modern art. But if you’re feeling pretentious certainly check these out.

Tough and Triassic Tuesday. (Get one free rental from the Action or Classics sections with your paid rental.)

>>> Dennis suggests you take ACTION, and rent a free CLASSIC today! (Apologies for the shameless pandering, and the bad wordplay, but the deadline looms, and the inches must be filled. If you want to avoid such unpleasantness in the future, send in your own movie reviews, movie lists, or anything else movie related to us at denmn@hotmail.com, our Myspace page www.myspace.com/videoportjones, or our Facebook page “Videoport Jones”. SO take ACTION today and…oh, forget it…)

Wacky and Worldly Wednesday. (Get one free rental from the Comedy or Foreign Language sections with your paid rental.)

>>> B.S. Eliot suggests Local Hero (in Comedy). As I waited for the frigid arms of Death to cradle me into the Infinite Slumber, I popped in Local Hero, hoping that the main menu screen would have some peaceful music that I could die to. Guess what? Totally shafted? Turns out it’s one of those old-ass DVDs that not only doesn’t have peaceful main menu music, but also it just starts playing the movie after a couple minutes, whether you like it or you don’t like it. Indignantly, I hurled the empty bottle of Aleve at the television and took a haul off my Bud Light/Clamato beverage. Paralyzed by laziness, I was forced to watch Local Hero. However, 111 minutes later (allegedly, according to the back of the case), this tale of strange and subtle charms had restored my will to live, my hunger for adventure, my sex drive, and, most importantly, my devotion to Gorgon, the disembodied voice that commands me to steal alcoholic Clamato beverages from 7/11. I give this film a B+.

Thrifty Thursday. (Get one free movie from any section with your paid rental.)

>>> Anime Ed suggests these selections from Videoport’s collection of Japanese animation:

Shigurui- This is the best anime I have seen in long time. Very dark samurai drama, concentrating on the madness and violence of the life instead of the whole honor and bushido thing. Highly recommended!! Banzai!

Hell Girl- Man the Japanese sure love revenge. This series is all about that and the price paid for exacting it. A little repetitive at first but pays off towards the end. Hell Girl’s so cute when she dispatches folks to purgatory, I just want to hug her! Banzai!!

Free Kids Friday. (Get one free rental from the Children’s or Family sections, no other rental necessary).

>>> Dennis suggests that you don’t allow your little darlings to handle DVD until they learn that you never, EVER touch the shiny side of the disc with your adorable, jam-smeared fingers. Maybe when they’re ready to head off to college…

Having a Wild Weekend. (Rent two, get your third movie for free from any section on Saturday and Sunday.)

>>>For Saturday, No More Mistress Nice Mommy suggests ‘Leverage’ (in Mystery/Thriller). If you’re anything like me, you have literally stayed awake all night, thrown into adrenalin-fueled insomnia with thoughts of revenge. You don’t want anyone to get hurt and you can’t get caught, but someone needs to get ruined. You’re an average, hard-working, dirt-poor American like me; you’ve had a boss who screams at you no matter how hard you work, an ex- who tries to brainwash your child, or maybe you’ve even been physically hurt by someone. I feel your pain. This is the show for you. Three men and two awesome women (all former “loaners”) form a multimillion dollar, philanthropy-type operation that specializes in getting back at really bad guys who totally victimize really super nice people like you and me (who are totally innocent!!) Suspend your disbelief for 42 delightful, campy minutes an episode with this very satisfying show. A great cast and ‘Mission Impossible’- type action make up for the preposterous storylines. I guarantee this show will entertain you and take your mind off all the bad people for a while.

>>>For Sunday, Elsa S. Customer suggests Twin Falls Idaho. If ever an indie film had all the false hallmarks of being an exploitative mess, Twin Falls Idaho is it. The film opens in a hotel of Lynchian dim seediness where two shy, faltering conjoined twins receive a visit from a zany young prostitute named Penny. The film soon introduces a substory with an ambiguous doctor (played with ironic distance by Patrick Bachau, veteran of many vampy and vampirific Eurotrash roles*), and its turning point is a misunderstanding at a Halloween party. This sounds like a voyeuristic peepshow or a maudlin mockery… but instead Twin Falls Idaho manages to be a tender character study, a solemn, sweet tale about love and interdependence and loneliness. It’s a mournful little story with some gently touching performances. Mark and Michael Polish, writer and writer-director brothers, also star as Blake and Francis Falls, and they convey their closeness with a (quite literally) quiet intimacy: the two murmur confidingly to each other as if they have, indeed, spent a lifetime only inches apart. Michele Hicks is brash and gentle by turns, a convincing portrait of a hard-bitten young hooker struggling between self-interest and compassion. And Lesley Ann Warren** turns in another of her remarkable small supporting roles here, wrestling with a really unlikeable part and giving it her all. The whole film is a very successful oddity. It’s tentative and slow, almost peaceful in its startling way — a meditative and lovely study that pushes the audience to consider an experience completely outside the scope of most daily lives and simultaneously makes us realize how very alike we are in our desires and our limitations.

*Editor’s Note: Such as his suavely villainous turn in one of my all-time favorite movies Choose Me.

**Editor’s Other Note: Also from the cult classic Choose Me!

New Releases this week at Videoport: GI Joe: The Rise of Cobra (for the second week in a row, we get a big budget action flick based on a line of toys! We are clearly being punished for something!), Lemon Tree (metaphorical drama about a Palestinian widow trying to keep her new neighbor, an Israeli defense minister , from having the titular item cut down), The Taking of Pelham 123 (John Travolta and Denzel Washington team up with soulless action-meister Tony Scott to remake the 1974 thriller about the hijacking of the titular New York City subway train; this one is fine, but please ignore the dismissive comments made by the dingbat Scott about the original- that one’s better), Will Ferrell: You’re Welcome America- A Final Night With George W. Bush (filmed version of Ferrell’s one man Broadway show as the former, um, president, I guess you’d have to call him; this is absolutely hilarious, by the way), Food, Inc. (as a vegetarian, I try not to be all self-righteous about eating meat; it’s easier when someone makes as harrowing a documentary about the unspeakably horrifying methods corporate food producers use to get that yummy meat to the table; was that a little snotty? Sorry), Aliens in the Attic (some adorable little moppets have to fight off the aliens invading their beach house; starring former SNL pals Tim Meadows and Kevin Nealon, and at least two tweens named Ashley), I Love You, Beth Cooper (hen the nerdy high school valedictorian proclaims his love for the most popular girl in school, she shows up at his house and gives him the best night of his life in this teen comedy undoubtedly written by a lonely one-time valedictorian), The Answer Man (Jeff Daniels plays a reclusive self-help author who finds out that real life is a little more complicated than he’d thought when he meets troubled single mom Lauren Graham), Command Performance (Dolph Lundgren is back! He punches a bunch o’guys! What else do you need to know!), Sand Serpents (the guy from Iron Eagle fighting, well, serpents, that live in the sand, I guess), Fears of the Dark (check Videoport’s Foreign Language section for this new, animated anthology film where sic of the creepiest dudes in cartooning work together to give you the heebie-jeebs), The Tournament (overqualified actors Ving Rhames and Robert Carlyle lend their seemingly-currently-unvalued talents to this direct-to-DVD action flick about an assassin tournament where assassins try to assassinate each other), ‘Monty Python’s Almost the Truth’ (comprehensive documentary where all the surviving Pythons dish on how they became the funniest human beings in the history of the universe).

New Arrivals this week at Videoport: The Dead (absolutely lovely; John Huston’s final film saw him directing daughter Anjelica and doing justice to James Joyce’s short story, which I maintain is the single most beautiful thing ever written by anyone, ever), The English Surgeon (documentary about the titular doctor, working at an underfunded Ukraine hospital, and the wrenching decisions and compromises he must make on a daily basis), Black Devil Doll (where do you find a willfully-offensive horror comedy about the spirit of a black militant who comes back in the body of a murderous, horny ventriloquist dummy? Why in Videoport’s Incredibly Strange section, of course!), Strip Nude for Your Killer (the all-time worst advice? Perhaps, but see for yourself when you rent this 1975 Italian sleaze- and murder- and boob-fest, starring the queen of same, the sluttily-lovely Edwige Fenech), ‘Private Century’ (filmmaker Jan Sikl spellbindingly edits together forty years of home movies from ordinary people in order to tell the modern history of Czechoslovakia through their eyes), Unmistaken Child (documentary follows a young Buddhist monk who embarks on a years-long journey to find the child who he believes is the reincarnation of his beloved teacher; touching and all, but, since that child’s parents might not believe in spooky ghost nonsense, also kind of creepy, no?), Paraiso Travel (a seductive young woman with dreams of riches in New York City and the puppylovestruck young man who’s devoted to her attempt to travel illegally from their home in Colombia to America in this one), The Hellbenders (this 1967 Spaghetti Western starring Joseph Cotten is beloved of Quentin Tarantino, so you are gonna watch it; also, check out the informative documentary The Spaghetti West to find out what that whole deal was all about), ‘Edge of Darkness’ (when his nuclear activist daughter is killed, a straightlaced British father is forced to confront his country’s nuclear policies in the 80s in this British miniseries), Earth 2100 (speculative [translated: terrifying] documentary posits how our current glutinous habits could mean all human life is doomed in the next century, unless people make some small, manageable personal sacrifices; oh crap…), Dr. Bronner’s Magic Soapbox (documentary about the story behind the liquid soap with all of the utterly bananas and borderline creepy sayings on the bottle), Red Cliff and Red Cliff 2 (how did Videoport get a hold of two precious copies of legendary action director John Woo’s [The Killer, Hard Boiled] massive, epic historical drama? You don’t know…you don’t wanna know…), IP Man (Donnie Yen and Simon Yam star in this martial arts biopic about the first teacher of Wing Chun [and Bruce Lee's teacher]), Shinjuku Incident (the new Jackie Chan movie! A violent tale of illegal Chinese immigrants, the Yakuza, and, one presumes, a lot of kicking).

BUY THINGS!

All right, we’ve held off until November, but it’s time to kick the holiday shopping frenzy into overdrive for the year. Here, then are the iron-clad reasons why you should shop at Videoport this year, instead of throwing your money to some giant, local-economy crippling, employee-exploiting, crappy customer service-having corporate behemoth:

1. You get something for yourself for buying something for someone else: for every movie you buy from Videoport, you get a free rental on your Videoport account! So, buy one movie for a loved one and you get one free rental for yourself. Buy two, get two. You get the idea…

1a. Of course, Videoport, in addition to all of the movies for sale right here in the store, can order any movie, boxed set, or TV show currently in print. It’ll take about a week.

2. Videoport has gift certificates: yup, for the big movie renter on your list, give the gift of rentals! And, make sure to tell the lucky stiff that Videoport gift certificate rentals are good with Videoport’s daily specials! That means, essentially, that you’re giving twice as many movie rentals as it seems! You’re twice as good a friend/lover/obligated co-worker! (Our ‘three rentals for ten bucks’ gift certificate makes a perfect Secret Santa gift that says “I had to get you something”!

Check out the VideoReport (and more) online!

You can read back issues of the VideoReport, leave comments, read the weekly new release review column by Videoport Jones and Justin Ellis (of the Portland Press Herald), and pretty much any weird movie article, link, or list we can come up with in our spare time. Just type in www.videoportjones.wordpress.com to your computer-type device and join in the fun.

Park for free at Videoport!

1. Parking meters are silly and inactive after 6pm Monday-Saturday and all day on Sunday.

2. The parking lot behind the building is open for free one hour parking after 5pm Monday-Friday and all day on weekends.

3. Videoport takes part in the Park & Shop program (because we’re so super), which means you can just pull in to any downtown parking garage (including the courthouse garage, about a minute away) and we’ll get you a free hour of parking. Again, you’re welcome…

Videoport on ‘Willard Beach’!

Yup, Videoport is the seeting for this episode of the popular, and hilarious, new web series ‘Willard Beach’!

 

Check it out here!