Volume CDLXXVI- The Real Portlandia
For the Week of 9/30/14
Videoport gives you a free movie every, single time you walk in the door. You know what day you don’t get a free movie at Videoport? Never-day, that’s when.
Middle Aisle Monday! Take a free rental from the Science Fiction, Horror, Incredibly Strange, Popular Music, Mystery/Thriller, Animation, or Staff Picks sections with any other paid rental! OR Get any three non-new releases for seven days for $7.99!
>>> Now Former* Videoporter Regan suggests Joe (in Feature Drama). Now that my job mostly consists of answering questions like “do you have magic cards?” and “do you have a bathroom?” and my favourite “PIZZA?!?” I’ll take a moment to recommend the new David Gordon Green joint Joe. it stars Nicolas Cage as the titular character JOE! and he’s the boss man who’s having trouble staying on the right side of the law, and along comes this kid Gary played by Tye Sheridan, who is practically homeless but is eager and willing to put in a hard days work for some cash so he and his sister can get AS FAR AS HUMANELY POSSIBLE FROM THEIR HORRIBLE FATHER. I’m noticing there is an abundance of a**hole-dad movies, perhaps I’ll bundle them all together in their own section. Nuzzled right between movies about the holocaust and slavery. Back to Joe! the director David Gordon Green has returned to his roots after a stint in the dumbasses-getting-high-and-acting-like-total-boobs genre which does include some hits like Pineapple Express and Eastbound and Down. But I think his talent is best seen in movies like George Washington and All the Real Girls, and in his most recent feature Joe, with THE CAGE! I will forever love Nicolas Cage. He can pummel me with a sh*t-storm of subpar batsh*tcrazy movies, and then he’ll make one that’s not like the others and I come a running. Now I’ll just have to muck through 10 more Ghost Riders till he strikes again. Not-so-fun-fact: the actor who played the part of Wade a.k.a G-Daawg(a**hole dad), his name was Gary “Ozzy” Poulter and he was homeless when the director cast him as the father, he was found dead a couple months after the film was finished.
*Yeah, we said “former.” Regan’s the best and we’re all going to miss her, especially you, when you’re looking for great movie recommendations like this. I’m sure Regan would like to, at this point, say something rude about people who choose Netfl*x over an independent video store like Videoport, but she’s not around any more.
Tough and Triassic Tuesday! Give yourself a free rental from the Action or Classics section with any other paid rental! OR Get any three non-new releases for seven days for $7.99!
>>> Dennis presents the monthly list of movies that Netfl*x thinks you don’t need to see! Oh, Netfl*x—there are so many reasons to hate you, but your regular practice of purging movies for no reason whatsoever is right at the top of the list. Here are the movies and TV shows you can’t get from Netfl*x now, but can always get at Videoport!
28 Days (2000)
The African Queen (1951)
Akeelah and the Bee (2006)
Battlestar Galactica (2003-2009)
Barefoot in the Park (1967)
Beyond Borders (2003)
Body of Evidence (1993)
Blood and Wine (1996)
Bram Stoker’s Dracula (1992)
Breaking Away (1979)
Center Stage (2000)
Crimson Tide (1995)
The Dark Half (1993)
Dead Man Walking (1995)
Death Wish (1974)
Don’t Look Now (1973)
Eight Men Out (1988)
Fatal Attraction (1987)
Ghostbusters 2 (1989)
Girl in Progress (2012)
Heavy Metal (1981)
The Hunger Games (2012)
Invasion of the Body Snatchers (1956)
King of New York (1990)
Law & Order (1990-1997)
Law & Order: Criminal Intent (2006-2011)
Law & Order: Special Victims Unit (2006-2010)
A League of Their Own (1992)
Legends of the Fall (1994)
Little Birds (2011)
Major League (1989)
Mean Girls (2004)
Patriot Games (1992)
Primal Fear (1996)
The Sand Pebbles (1966)
The Skeleton Key (2005)
Snow White: A Tale of Terror (1997)
This Must Be the Place (2011)
The Thomas Crown Affair (1999)
Two Family House (2000)
Wow! Those are some great movies and shows! And Netfl*x just takes them away from you? That’s some serious bullcrap right there… Rent Videoport. We don’t do that.
Wacky and Worldly Wednesday! You’ve got a free rental coming from the Comedy or Foreign Language sections with any other paid rental! OR Get any three non-new releases for seven days for $7.99!
>>> Dennis suggests getting some serious free money at Videoport! You’re gonna spend your entertainment dollars with us, so why not get some free ones? No reason not to. $20 buys you $25 in store credit and $30 buys you $40. Boom—free money. Do that.
Thrifty Thursday! Rent one, get a free rental from any other section in the store! OR Get any three non-new releases for seven days for $7.99! >>> Dennis suggests Only Lovers Left Alive (in Incredibly Strange). Jim Jarmusch is one of America’s best directors. Need proof? Dead Man, Ghost Dog, Down By Law, Mystery Train, Stranger Than Paradise, The Limits Of Control, Coffee And Cigarettes, Broken Flowers—there’s no more idiosyncratically brilliant roster of films anywhere. Visually arresting, made up of long, static shots and verbally deadpan to the point of giddy perfection, his movies have a specific, mesmerizing comic vibe that is utterly unique. Or you’ll be confused, bored and irritated—but that’s the risk you take. Me? I watch Jarmusch’s movies in a sort of tickled awe, secure that I’m watching a perfectly executed vision from a director in complete control of his instrument. Yes, they’re that good. And his new one—Jarmusch’s take on the vampire flick—is just about perfect in its strange vision. In it, Tilda Swinton plays Eve, the most languorously beautiful vampire anywhere, lounging in her art-filled Tangiers apartment. Tom Hiddleston is her perfect match as Adam, a tortured musician living in glorious rock-star squalor in a guitar and gadget-filled abandoned Detroit townhouse. She senses he’s dangerously melancholy and comes, packing her only suitcase with books like Infinite Jest. He plays strange, beautiful rock funeral music and welcomes her with relieved love and canisters of blood he regularly buys from doctor Jeffrey Wright. Jarmusch’s conceit is that vampires would use their immortality to endlessly indulge in their love of art, and music, and poetry—which makes perfect sense, especially if said vampires are the gloriously alien Swinton and Hiddleston. For a vampire flick, it’s perversely un-perverse, avoiding nearly every cliché of the genre in favor of a fascinating, weirdly funny portrait of undying hipsterism. There’s a lot of odd detail nibbling around the edges, and a lot unspoken but tantalizingly evocative. Hiddleston’s like a Hamlet stuck “to be or not to be-ing” for centuries, which inspires a great joke I won’t spoil involving a decrepit fellow vampire played by John Hurt. Hiddleston’s walls and Swinton’s bookcases teem with Jarmusch’s paragons of genius, making it fascinatingly fun to see who made the cut and who didn’t. Even when wilder, less tamed vamp Mia Wasikowska, playing Eve’s “sister” shows up, threatening to bring some more traditional vampire movie beats to the story, Jarmusch has other plans in mind. Jarmusch is an original—check this one out if you like never knowing what’s going to happen next.
Free Kids Friday! One free rental from the Kids section, no other rental necessary! OR get any three non-new releases for a week for $7.99!
>>> You get a free kids movie every Friday, no other rental necessary. And Videoport just put a few hundred new movies in there—try it out. You don’t have to be a kid, even!
Having a Wild Weekend! Rent two movies, and get a third one for free from any section! OR get any three non-new releases for a week for $7.99!
>>>For Saturday, Dennis suggests his “shelf of wonderfully uncomfortable laughter” the staff picks section. Dark comedies! Stuff to make you squirm while you laugh! Things that you feel bad for laughing at later! Whether it’s Dr. Strangelove’s nuclear annihilation gags, or the walking-the-edge-of-absolute-bad-taste of The Ten, or the absurdist satire of Bunuel in The Discreet Charm Of The Bourgeoisie, or the delightfully misanthropic comedies of Bobcat Goldthwait like World’s Greatest Dad or God Bless America, or the classic cannibalistic yuks of Eating Raoul, or the New Zealand gross-out stylings of a young Peter Jackson in Bad Taste—these are the movies that’ll make you go gaaaahhhhh! You know, but in a funny way.
>>>For Sunday, Dennis suggests Cheap Thrills (in Incredibly Strange). Speaking of dark comedies, here’s a ghoulish little indie that would fit right in on a really good episode of Alfred Hitchcock Presents, if they allowed profanity and graphic violence on TV back then. In it, failed writer Pat Healy (The Innkeepers) plays a failed writer facing eviction with his wife and baby who, fired from his crappy job, meets up with felonious old pal Ethan Embry (Empire Records) in a bar. Their awkward catchup is interrupted by the attentions of boisterous David Koechner (Anchorman) and his sullen wife Sara Paxton (also from The Innkeepers), who buy them drinks and then start making innocent wagers—on darts, who can down a shot fastest, that sort of thing. With his aging fratboy good cheer and a huge wad of hundreds, Koechner easily gets the guys to agree to come back to his luxurious house to continue the fun. And that’s when things take a turn. Sevral turns, actually, as party guy Koechner’s dares become more lucrative—and twisted. It’s a great setup for squirmy suspense, and the couple’s endgame is kept concealed, right up until the final twist. Everyone’s good, but Koechner’s a revelation—there’s plenty of his signature boorish comic persona on display, but he brings some layers to the seemingly innocuous good0timer that make him subtly fascinating. Fun and dark and entertaining.
New Releases this week at Videoport: Chef (Jon Favreau directs and stars in this feel-good foodie comedy drama about a brilliant chef who decides to open a gourmet food truck and hit the road with his son and his sous chef; costarring John Leguizamo, Robert Downey Jr., and Dustin Hoffman), Cold In July (Dexter’s Michael C. Hall stars alongside Sam Shepard and Don Johnson in this acclaimed indie redneck drama about an ex-con and several shady types attempting, unsuccessfully, to stay out of serious trouble), Decoding Annie Parker (Samantha Morton and Helen Hunt star in this based-on-a-true-story story of a woman with cancer and the brilliant scientist doctor person who discovers the root cause of her rare genetic affliction; costarring Breaking Bad’s Aaron Paul), Hellion (Aaron Paul again! This time, he’s the emotionally distant father forced to confront his bad parenting when his troubled son is put into foster care), Transformers 4—Age Of Extinction (Explosion fetishist Michael Bay returns to play smash-up with his imaginary robot pals. He’s brought Mark Wahlberg along this time.), Wolf (In this Dutch drama, a troubled but talented ex-con whose emerging boxing career is threatened by his felonious past), 24—Live Another Day (Kiefer Sutherland is back as superspy/torture machine Jack Bauer in a continuation of the entertainingly fascist 24 series. Cut the blue wire! The blue wire!), Lucky Them (Toni Collette stars in this indie comedy about a struggling rock journalist sent on an assignment to score an interview with a reclusive, possibly missing rock star, who also happens to be her ex-boyfriend. Costarring Thomas Haden Church as a comically eccentric amateur documentarian sent along for the scoop.), Third Person (Writer/director Paul Haggis of Crash fame again takes a huge cast of stars and smashes ‘em together. This time, it’s a gaggle of unhappy lovers [Liam Neeson, James Franco, Mila Kunis, Olivia Wilde, Adrien Brody, Mario Bello, Kim Basinger] in New York, Paris, and Rome.)
Free parking at Videoport! The parking lot behind the building is free for customers after 5PM on weekdays and all days on the weekends. Also, we can get you a free hour of parking at any downtown parking garage (including the courthouse garage which is, like, a one minute walk away). Just ask for one of our magic stickers!
Get your movies duplicated at Videoport!
You guys know we can make copies of your DVDs and VHSes at Videoport, right? No, it can’t be anything copyrighted (that’s sort of what that word means), so you’ll just have to buy another copy of Weekend At Bernie’s to replace that VHS you’ve played so often it finally shredded itself. But home movies or anything not copyrighted? We can do it! $10 bucks a pop and little Susie’s dance recital can be copied and sent to every relative on your Christmas card list!