VideoReport #511

Volume DXI— Not Just Whistling DXI

             For the Week of 6/2/15

Videoport will give you a free movie every single day if you’re not careful. Hey, look over there! See, we just gave you a free movie while you were distracted by that clever ruse.

Middle Aisle Monday! Take a free rental from the Science Fiction, Horror, Incredibly Strange, Popular Music, Mystery/Thriller, Animation, or Staff Picks sections with any other paid rental! OR Get any three non-new releases for seven days for $7.99!

>>> It’s the start of a new month, and you know what that means—the monthly list of all the movies that faceless, evil corporation Netfl*x is taking away from its overcharged customers for no reason whatsoever! Yup, they do that—just decide to wipe a long list of movies off of its buggy, computer service just because they think you don’t deserve to see them any more! Why do they do this? Well, it’s just a theory, but we’re going back to that whole “evil” thing. So here’s the list of stuff Netfl*x thinks you don’t deserve any more (all of which are—and always will be—available at Videoport, of course.)

Amadeus (1984)

Biutiful (2010)

Bram Stoker’s Dracula (1992)

City of Ghosts (2003)

Collateral Damage (2002)

Crash (2004)

Dance with Me (1998)

Deep Blue Sea (1999)

Donnie Brasco (1997)

Dummy (2002)

Ever After: A Cinderella Story (1998)

Frankie and Johnny (1991)

G.I. Jane (1997)

Godzilla (1998)

The Guilt Trip (2012)

Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters (2013)

Hatchet II (2010)

Jack Reacher (2012)

Last Action Hero (1993)

Lonesome Dove (1989)

The Perfect Husband: The Laci Peterson Story (2004)

Picture Perfect (1997)

Practical Magic (1998)

Rain Man (1988)

Reign Over Me (2007)

The Rocketeer (1991)

Silence of the Lambs (1991)

Snatch (2000)

Soul Survivors (2001)

Stand Up Guys (2012)

Steel Magnolias (1989)

Swept Away (2002)

Syriana (2005)

"Eh, the peasants don't need this piece of crap."—Netfl*x

“Eh, the peasants don’t need this piece of crap.”—Netfl*x

Tank Girl (1995)

Taxi Driver (1976)

Texas Chainsaw (2013)

The Triplets of Belleville (2003)

Waking Life (2001)

Tough and Triassic Tuesday! Give yourself a free rental from the Action or Classics section with any other paid rental! OR Get any three non-new releases for seven days for $7.99!

>>> Mad Videoport: Fury Basement 

Rent Eternal, Shiny and Chrome

Emily S. Customer is a little excited about Mad Max: Fury Road, (still in theaters and therefore not yet on home video, folks). If you need more post-apocalypse, more road-tripping madness, more Australians in your life — and who doesn’t? — Videoport has what you need.

Gladhandling Lad Max: “Mustn’t be afraid to dream a little bigger, darling.” Inception. Check out Tom Hardy, whose resumé doubles as a treatise on performative masculinity, as supporting player Eames, the forger who can present himself as anyone, real or imagined, when he enters another person’s dream. He’s cagey, playful, flippant, magnificently confident in his own abilities, and deliciously comfortable in his camp drollery.

Tuesday is action day, and action day is a great day to revisit George Miller’s original Mad Max trilogyMad Max (1979), Mad Max 2: The Road Warrior (1981), and Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome (1985) . Rent ’em all at once (rent three non-new releases for seven days for $7.99!) or one at a time (one non-new rental FREE with any paid rental!). Either way, prepare your body for the Thunderdome. I can’t really be more specific, but you’re definitely gonna need to prepare your body.

Sad Dad Max: The Road. “We carry the fire.”  After an unspecified disaster, a grim, quiet man (Viggo Mortensen) hangs onto a punishingly empty existence only for the sake of his young son. Adapted from Cormac McCarthy’s searing, spare novel of the same name, it’s a grim contrast to the extravagant explosions and conspicuous consumption of Mad Max: Fury Road, and together they give us a balanced picture of possible ends: the whimper and the bang.

Glad Max: Crocodile Dundee. “That’s not a knife. THIS is a knife!” Aw, crikey, it ain’t the post-apocalypse (pro-tip: “post-apocalypse” is super fun to say in a terrible Australian accent; so is “terrible Australian accent,” go ahead and try it), it’s just a good-natured bush hunter (Paul Hogan) from Australia roving Manhattan and astonishing jaded urbanites with his unflappable bon homie.

Rad Max: “History is made at night.” The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai_Across the 8th Dimension. Physicist, medical doctor, daring test pilot, inventor, and rock idol — is there anything Dr. Buckaroo Banzai (Peter Weller) can’t do? You’ll find out as he and his band (literally) of adventurers, The Hong Kong Cavaliers, wrangle with danger from beyond our world in an aggressively stylized romp.

Fab Max: “I hereby christen this: Budget Barbie Camper!” Priscilla, Queen of the Desert. A great silver machine roars across the Australian sand, a plume of dust rising behind it like a flame. Is it Furiosa’s war rig tumbling toward redemption? No, it’s an RV ferrying a pair of drag artists (Hugo Weaving, Guy Pearce) and their newly bereaved friend Bernadette (Terrence Stamp) for a four-week trek across the outback.

Fraggle Max: “Prophets don’t know everything!” The Dark Crystal. Centuries after cracking of the great crystal, Jen is sent to restore a lost shard to the whole and thereby restore balance to his world and prevent the enemy from taking rule forever. With effects from Henson’s

Samizdat Max: “The Zone wants to be respected. Otherwise it will punish.” Stalker. Andrei Tarkovsky’s haunting Soviet-era film of a scout who sneaks pilgrims through a wasteland and a heavily patrolled cordon into a forbidden zone that bestows on lucky seekers the things they most desire. Unsurprisingly to fans of Tarkovsky, Stalker is meditative, mysterious, and weirdly, patiently astonishing.

Wacky and Worldly Wednesday! You’ve got a free rental coming from the Comedy or Foreign Language sections with any other paid rental! OR Get any three non-new releases for seven days for $7.99!  

>>> Dennis suggests following up on Ms. S. Customer’s Mad Max-centric recommendations with a tour of our post-apocalyptic movie shelf (in the Staff Picks section). Yes, Mad Max: Fury Road is that good. So go see that, and then come whet your appetite for violent, sandy spectacle! We’ve got the three original Mad Max movies, of course, alongside blatant knockoffs like 2019: After The Fall Of New York. We’ve got post-apocalyptic movies from Germany (Hell), France (Le Dernier Combat, The Time Of The Wolf), Spain (The Last Days), and right here in ‘Murica! There’s apocalypse from nuclear war, lack of water, lack of oil, and just plain lack. How does humanity cope with the end of law and human society? Not well—not well at all!

Thrifty Thursday! Rent one, get a free rental from any other section in the store! OR Get any three non-new releases for seven days for $7.99!                                        

>>> Dennis suggests Hannibal (in Mystery/Thriller). I’m calling it—Mads Mikkelsen is a better Hannibal Lecter than Anthony Hopkins. And it’s really not that close. While Hopkins clearly started cashing paychecks as everyone’s favorite cannibal serial killer, Danish actor Mikkelson only deepens his characterization on this stunningly good tv series based on the books by Thomas Harris. The whole show is that good as well—under showrunner Bryan Fuller (Pushing Daisies, Dead Like Me), Hannibal is also number one on the “TV series that sound like a truly terrible idea but are actually great” list (see also: Fargo). Hannibal comes back for its third season this week, so I suggest binge watching the first two seasons from Videoport. Seriously—you’ll thank me.

Kids Friday! One free rental from the Kids section, no other rental necessary! OR get any three non-new releases for a week for $7.99!          

>>> Dennis says, It’s a free kids movie! There are a lot to choose from! For free!

Having a Wild Weekend! Rent two movies, and get a third one for free from any section! OR get any three non-new releases for a week for $7.99!                                            

>>> For Saturday, Dennis suggests dropping by the Staff Picks section again to check out April’s Woman Directors shelf! Portland’s own Bluestocking Films series has done an admirable job at highlighting films by woman directors (check out their site at and see their fifth anniversary film series at SPACE Gallery in July), so April’s put together a selection of some of the best female-directed movies at Videoport for you. She’s got the crazy, provocative films of Italian director Lina Wertmuller, the cozy, smart American indies of Nicole Holofcener and Lynne Shelton, and the blockbuster, Oscar bait of Kathryn Bigelow. She’s got obscure cult movies from Barbara Loder and Lizzie Borden. She’s got the Maine-made feminist thriller Black Rock from Katie Aselton, and the up-and-coming goodness of Selma’s Ana DuVernay (Middle Of Nowhere). The ratio of female to male directors is still shamefully lopsided, but comes see the collection that shows how the small but growing number of woman directors have turned out some stunning, eclectic movies.

>>>For Sunday, Dennis suggests Bronson (in Action/Adventure). Since we’re all into Mad Max, check out this early starring role from the new (non-bigoted and sexist) Max, Tom Hardy about one of the most notorious prisoners in British history. rectify-53b26d57d9574(He’s still in jail, probably for the best.) In the movie, Hardy transformed himself into a monster, doing an ungodly number of pushups to turn himself into the title character’s burly 1900 strongman physique. Incarcerated fro most of his life, the guy is both Justified-Season-4-Promo-Poster-2horrifyingly brutal and strangely courtly, in Hardy’s hands, a truly unnerving combination.

New Releases this week at Videoport: Rectify- season 2 (This little-seen Sundance Channel series about a recently released death row prisoner [a quietly stunning Aden Young] returning to his home town is one of the best TV shows no one knows about. Well, now you know about it, so you should rent it and be as stunned as I am even thinking about it. Yes, it’s that good. Like, Breaking Bad-level good), Justified- The Final Season (That’s season 1861206, to you and me. Timothy Olyphant’s questionably violent marshal kills baddies for theJupiter Ascending 2015 very last time—will those kilings be…justified? Rent it and see!), The Spongebob Movie: Sponge Out Of Water (For all of you who have kids—Videoport would like to offer our most sincere and heartfelt apologies), McFarland, USA (Kevin Costner stars in this inspirational, real-life sports tale of a nice, white teacher who turns a rag-tag track team made up of underprivileged Latino kids into champions), Jupiter Ascending (The Wachowskis [The Matrix trilogy, Speed Racer, Bound] turn their Focus-poster-Will-Smith1undeniably excellent visual eyes to this loopy sci-fi epic about—well, I’ve read the description three times and can’t make sense of it. Mila fallingskies_season4_posterKunis is special somehow, and burly Channing Tatum is the super-soldier protecting her specialness from evil overlord type Eddie Redmayne [Best Actor Winner for The Theory Of Everything]. Sean Bean’s in there, and there are spaceships and whatnot), Focus (Will Smith is a slick master conman who lets his deceptive cool get distracted by sexy novice con-lady

'bye, Leslie. We miss you already.

‘bye, Leslie. We miss you already.

Margot Robbie in the midst of his latest big score), Falling Skies- season 4 (Aliens still trying to take over the Earth? Stupid alines—don’t you know that ineffectually charming Noah Wylie is our protector?), Parks & Recreation- season 7 (It’s the end for one of the greatest sitcoms monsters-dark-continent-2014-movie-posterever, with the great Amy Poehler’s aspiring small town politician Leslie Knope and her stellar supporting cast [Nick Offerman, Adam Scott, Aubrey Plaza, Chris Pratt, Retta, and more] still trying to save the loopy municipality of Pawnee, Indiana from itself), Monsters: Dark Continent (Remember the unassuming, low-affiche-enbudget, but still impressive alien invasion movie Monsters? Well, you should watch that one and then decide if you want to follow it up with this much-less-heralded sequel about a bunch o’soldiers fighting the giant monsters), Camp X-Ray (Kristen Stewart [those Twilight movies] stars in this well-reviewed drama about Spring-movie-horrorfilma young woman who tries to escape her awful home life by enrolling in the military, only to find herself stationed as a guard at Guantanamo Bay, where things aren’t much better at all), Spring (From the makers of the very cool indie horror film Cut Bank Poster (1)Resolution comes—a very cool indie horror movie! What are the odds? Heartbroken American slacker Lou Taylor Pucci [Thumbsucker] escapes to Italy for a vacation, only to fall in love with a mysterious, beautiful young woman with a serious secret), Cut Bank (A hunky small town guy [played by Liam, the Hemsworth brother who’s not Thor] finds his life in danger after he inadvertently films a murder in this thriller with an absurdly overqualified cast, including Billy Bob Thornton, John Malkovich, Bruce Dern, Oliver Platt, Michael Stuhlbarg), Kidnapping Mr. Heineken (Anthony Hopkins stars in this fact-based thriller about the Kidnapping-Mr.-heineken2time the heir to the titular beer empire got kidnapped by some ne’er-do-wells, including Sam Worthington and Jim Sturgess. And since you’re in a take a beer heir hostage mood, why not pair this up with the Dutch film The Heineken Kidnapping starring Rutger Hauer? It’s a kidnap that old, rich guy double feature!)

New Releases on Blu Ray this week at Videoport: Jupiter Ascending

Get some free money at Videoport! Yup, free money. Put $20 on your Videoport account, and we give you $25 in store credit. And a pre-pay of $30 gets you $40 in store credit! That…is free money, people. It’s money you’d spend at Videoport anyway, since we’re so super and you love us so much. But we give it to you for free. Why? Um, not sure really—come take advantage before we come to our senses!

Write for The VideoReport! This whole weekly blog/newsletter/thingy was started some 509 weeks ago as a place for people who work at/love Videoport to share their reviews, opinions, and occasional furious screeds about their favorite/least favorite movies. So do that! Send ‘em to or our Facebook page “Videoport Jones”! Do it!

Published in: on June 2, 2015 at 12:21 am  Leave a Comment  

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