Volume CDLV—I Spit On Your Redbox Machine
For the Week of 5/6/14
Videoport gives you a free movie every single day. Plus, we have all the movies ever, which means you’ll never run out of movies to take for free. Plus, we are very nice and shiny.
Middle Aisle Monday! Take a free rental from the Science Fiction, Horror, Incredibly Strange, Popular Music, Mystery/Thriller, Animation, or Staff Picks sections with any other paid rental! OR Get any three non-new releases for seven days for seven bucks!
>>> Regan suggests Felicia’s Journey (in Mystery/Thriller.) I am in no way happy that Bob Hoskins is dead. Buuuuut, I have saved his movie Felicia’s Journey from the “good sh*t that doesn’t get rented and sadly we have to make room for Homeland” bucket. It’s a real bucket. Ask Andy, he’ll show you. So I will mourn him the only way a Videoporter can. I’ll push my favorite movies of his onto you, the loyal Videoport customers. The first being Felicia’s Journey, directed by Atom Agoyan (have you been too happy lately? watch The Sweet Hereafter). Bob Hoskins is a creeper who watches old cooking shows and he’s a creep and he and a young girl cross paths and that’s all I’m saying because I think movies are best enjoyed when you know as little as possible going in. And I likes it and Roger Ebert liked it so….it’s probably pretty-pretty-pretty good. (Bob Hoskins love continued on Wednesday!)
Tough and Triassic Tuesday! Give yourself a free rental from the Action or Classics section with any other paid rental! OR Get any three non-new releases for seven days for seven bucks!
>>> Dennis suggests Gojira (in Sci Fi/Fantasy, but it’s totally classic, man). Just rewatched the original Japanese version of this kaiju classic in preparation for the newest American remake coming out next week in theaters. Man, it’s dark. Not too surprising when you consider this tale of a remorseless, rampaging monster born of H-bomb tests and breathing radioactive fire was made less than a decade after Hiroshima and Nagasaki. (It also directly references an infamous case where a Japanese fishing boat was caught to close to an American H-bomb test several years before—it didn’t go well.) There’s a real sense of sadness and fear among the assembled bureaucrats, scientists, and panicky villagers when the big G shows up, and a lot of very specific references to the American bombings for context. Weirdly enough, almost all of that stuff was left out of the American remake released as Godzilla: King Of The Monsters! and starring Raymond Burr (in poorly matched insert scenes) as a burly American reporter who explains the hell out of everything in a dull voiceover. Luckily, Videoport’s DVD contains both versions of the film, so you can compare, contrast, and get annoyed! Extra luckily, both versions star the great Takashi Shimura (Kurosawa’s Ikiru, Seven Samurai, and more) as the lugubrious scientist whose hangdog demeanor as he tries to come up with a way to stop the monster resounds with the horror and futility of fighting one atomic mistake with another. Rent it for the social commentary and spooky resonance, stay for the big freakin’ lizard monster stomping all over a miniature Tokyo! Godzilla!!!
Wacky and Worldly Wednesday! You’ve got a free rental coming from the Comedy or Foreign Language sections with any other paid rental! OR Get any three non-new releases for seven days for seven bucks!
>>> Regan suggests Mermaids (in Comedy.) And on a not-as-good-but-still-quite-charming note, Mermaids! Starring Cher! Winona Ryder! Christina Ricci! Bob Hoskins! & Michael Schoeffling!(he was Jake Ryan in 16 Candles! And he made a handful of movies then retired to be a carpenter. Fact.) I’ve watched this movie 26 times and tried to model my eating habits after it when I was a teenager. You see, the mom only makes hors d’oeuvres for every meal. I know! Great idea jeans! And lastly, there’s some original footage of the singing nuns doing their one hit wonder Dominique. So that’s it. Save Felicia’s Journey from the bucket of forgotten movies, and have a nice Bob Hoskins moment.
Thrifty Thursday! Rent one, get a free rental from any other section in the store! OR Get any three non-new releases for seven days for seven bucks!
>>> Dennis suggests taking a chance! It’s Thursday! That means you can rent any one movie in the store and get any second movie for free. Yes, any movie. Sometimes we see someone coming up to the counter with one movie on Thursday and say, “Hey! You can have any second movie for free you know!” And they’re all like, “No.” And we just smile and get on with our lives, but seriously? No free movie? That’s like someone handing you a slice of cake and saying you can have another slice of cake for free and they’re like, “No, my life only has room for one piece of cake.” Like that. What I’m saying is Videoport has all the movies and TV shows in the world and this is the perfect time to try out something new. Ask one of us for a recommendation—honestly, it’s totally fun for us when people say, “Just pick me something good.” Seriously, we get all happy inside. Or, heck, close your eyes and pick the first movie you lay your hands on. Or, you know, do it with your eyes open probably, because then you’re less likely to fall down. It doesn’t have to be a whole big production—you can just let your hand wander over a shelf and pick the first DVD box art that catches your eye. Sure, you might get something with Tom Berenger, but it’s free—what’s the risk here, people? Of course, you can get all analytical and try to pair up the perfect double feature every Thursday—gods know that’s what we’re doing in our heads most of the time around here. You know that one movie you’ve always meant to see but have never taken home? Take it home! It’s free! That one show you’re behind on? Take two discs! The second one’s free! Not kidding, you guys—there’s nothing Videoport likes better than to see people get excited and take home a movie for free.
Free Kids Friday! One free rental from the Kids section, no other rental necessary!
>>> It’s free! It’s for kids! Or the very immature!
Having a Wild Weekend! Rent two movies, and get a third one for free from any section!
>>>For Saturday, Dennis suggests Workaholics (in Comedy.) For one of my other jobs, I spent a season reviewing this Comedy Central series about a trio of unrepentant slackers who find gross and irresponsible ways to not do any work at their telemarketing job. (Psst—usually drugs and alcohol are involved.) Created by, and mostly written by the three stars who are friends in real life, the show, at its best, has an inventively anarchic, outrageous vibe that can sweep you along with it. Sadly, the rest of the time, it can be a boorish slog through gross-out humor and douchiness. Sort of a roll the dice situation on that score. But it’s reliably funny—especially if you, like protagonists Adam, Blake, and Ders, are ingesting of adult beverages at the time. Think of it like a shaggier, less intelligent It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia.
>>>For Sunday, Dennis suggests becoming an expert! Yup, Videoport’s daily deals are perfect for immersing yourself into something and emerging as the smarty-est pants on the block. Maybe you’re in on a Sunday and see it’s rent 2, get 1 free. So you take home three films by noted French auteur and crankypants Jean Luc Godard (say, Band Of Outsiders, Made In USA, and Contempt). And so begins your adventure into one director’s singular vision and your career as that guy/gal who knows everything about one of the most challenging, inconsistent, and uncompromising directors in film history. (They’ll love you at parties.) Or maybe you come in Monday-Thursday and see you can get three older movies (non new releases, which encompasses 99.9% of everything in Videoport) and say: Hey, who’s this David Lynch guy that I’ve always heard about but have always been too scared to try? One quick pointer from a Videoporter later (pro tip: look for the matching lime green boxes in the Incredibly Strange section under “Lynch”) and you’ve got the mind-bending trio of Eraserhead, Wild At Heart, and Mulholland Drive under your arm and you’re a David Lynch expert. And also scarred for life and a little jittery. Or hell, use one of the daily deals to catch up on all the episodes of Friends or The Big Bang Theory—we’re not here to judge. The thing is, Videoport is staffed and run entirely by people who’ve done just that—become experts on various shows, movies, directors, genres. Just because that’s what we like to do. You could be that guy/gal. We make it pretty easy.
New Releases this week at Videoport: Veronica Mars (partially funded by a Kickstarter campaign by fans of this quite-good, very-cancelled cult detective series, the movie finds plucky sleuth Veronica [Kristen Bell] returning reluctantly to her crime-ridden, class warring hometown of Neptune, California and getting right back to solving crimes), Still Mine (James Cromwell and Genvieve Bujold star in this heartwarmer/-breaker about an aging couple; she’s losing a war with dementia and he’s determined to build her her dream house with his vare hands—only the government [with all their pesky concerns about safety and building codes] keeps butting in), ‘Generation War’ (described as a German ‘Band Of Brothers’, this miniseries follows a group of young Germans at the start of WWII and how they cope with being drafted into the Nazi army; look for this one in the foreign language section), ‘Republic Of Doyle’- season 1 (you guys love all those British mystery series, so how about giving this Canadian one a chance; a father and son detective agency run both sides of the law on the mean streets of Nefoundland!), The Art Of The Steal (he keeps trying to get out of the international art thievery game, but they pull him back in!; Kurt Russell stars with a good cast [Jay Baruchel, Vikings’ Katheryn Winnick, Terence Stamp, Matt Dillon, Kenneth Welsh, Jason Jones, in this thriller about an art thief recruited for one last heist), Son Of Batman (been watching all of the DC animated movies on my lunch breaks and they’re usually pretty good; this one follows the story of Batman’s discovery that former love interest/daughter of supervillain Ra’s al Ghul has borne his son, a mean little creep who was raised by the League Of Assassins! And now the little creep—named Damien, of course—comes to Gotham City looking to fight crime with the old man; or maybe fight him—he’s pretty messed up…), Bad Country (Tom Berenger stars in this thriller about a Baton Rouge detective who runs afoul of the mob..and then goes after said mob! Fun fact—sometimes as a project, I’ll go through a section of the store and “face out” movies that haven’t rented in a while. When you do that in the Mystery/Thriller section, you see a lot of 1980s Tom Berenger.), Dead Shadows (French sci fi/horror? Okay! Eleven years ago, some dude’s parents were killed and now people are starting to act weird and it has something to do with Halley’s comet?! All I know is there seem to be tentacle monsters on the box! French tentacle monsters!), The Trials Of Muhammad Ali (documentary about that time they took Ali’s title away and arrested him because he was a conscientious objector about the Vietnam War; everyone hated him then—now he’s a saint; there’s some sort of lesson in that…), Barefoot (the young son of a wealthy family meets a young woman with serious psychological problems who’s been raised in isolation her whole life and decides to bring her as his date to his brother’s fancy wedding; I’m sure it’ll go fine; starring Evan Rachel Wood and Scott Speedman)
New Arrivals at Videoport:Snoopy’s Reunion (the first of two old animated dog movies joining Videoport’s kids section this week; Charlie Brown arranges a lonely Snoopy to have a surprise family reunion of his extended dog family! I think there’s a bonus movie on this too!), Scooby Doo And The Witch’s Ghost (And the second cartoon canine, this time Scooby’s after a with who is also a ghost? Man, that seems like a lot, even for Scooby), Riot In Cell Block 11 (new to Videoport’s Criterion Collection section, this 1954 film was pretty shocking for its time; a group of prisoners stage the titular uprising against the appalling conditions of their prison, taking several guards hostage; directed by future Dirty Harry director Don Siegel)
New Arrivals on Blu-Ray This Week At Videoport: Labor Day, Devil’s Due, The Art Of The Steal, Veronica Mars, Sorcerer (William Friedkin’s 1977 remake of the classic Wages Of Fear is an undiscovered classic of pant-wetting suspense and now the good people at Criterion have brought you a shiny new blu-ray! Roy Scheider leads an international cast in this nail-chewer about some desperate men who accept the gig of transporting creaky trucks full of nitroglycerin over dangerous roads; possible spoiler—not everyone’s gonna make it…)
Free parking at Videoport! The parking lot behind the building is free for customers after 5PM on weekdays and all days on the weekends. Also, we can get you a free hour of parking at any downtown parking garage (including the courthouse garage which is, like, a one minute walk away). Just ask for one of our magic stickers!
Get your movies duplicated at Videoport!
You guys know we can make copies of your DVDs and VHSes at Videoport, right? No, it can’t be anything copyrighted (that’s sort of what that word means), so you’ll just have to buy another copy of Weekend At Bernie’s to replace that VHS you’ve played so often it finally shredded itself. But home movies or anything not copyrighted? We can do it! $10 bucks a pop and little Susie’s dance recital can be copied and sent to every relative on your Christmas card list!