VideoReport #437

Volume CDXXXVII- 2014: The Year Of The Indie Video Stores

For the Week of 12/31/13

Videoport pledges to give you a free movie every single day of 2014! You know, like we’ve done for the past 26 years. So I guess we’re going to continue to be awesome is the point. Whatever—have a free movie.

Middle Aisle Monday! Take a free rental from the Science Fiction, Horror, Incredibly Strange, Popular Music, Mystery/Thriller, Animation, or Staff Picks sections with any other paid rental! OR Get any three non-new releases for seven days for seven bucks!

>>>Videoport’s Regan gives her Best Of 2013! In no order, not really.

THE PLACE BEYOND THE PINES

This epic drama blew mah hair back and I think it’s best enjoyed if you know little going in. I will tell you that it’s directed by Derek Cianfrance who also helmed BLUE VALENTINE with hunky mcHunkerton Ryan Gosling. Thanks Derek, I get it, relationships ah stupid!

NEXT!

KEEP THE LIGHT ON

My next pick is about a couple struggling with the age old “can we stay together with one of us having a nasty crack habit” dilemma. Danish actor Thure Lindhardt is heartbreaking as Erik, the not-so-much a crack head boyfriend.

and NEXT!

UNDEFEATED

Who likes sports? I DON’T! but I love tv shows (Friday Night Lights) and this Oscar winning documentary about a man who volunteers to coach a football team that’s as good

at losing as I am at finishing a family size bag of JAX cheese curls. Try not to cry! I double daaawg dare ya!

alright, NEXT!

BLACKFISH

The whale documentary? Yeah. the whale documentary.

One sided? Sure. Riveting? FERSURE!

There’s this scene where a trainer is calmly trying to stay alive while a whale has his foot mangled in his whale mouth and… just watch it.

Oh wait, where’s Lili Taylor? She’s so tiny…OH there she is, in

THE CONJURING!

Or “The Conjoining” as we hear often at Videoport.

I absolutely enjoyed this horror movie. Most important, I was scared. and that’s snot so easy. Sure any movie can make me jump, but instill dread? Nah. And there’s no over-the-top gratuitous madness. Cuz I don’t care. Seen it, a thousand times, seen it. And it’s well lit, that’s important to me. And lastly, no kids crawling around all janky like they have rheumatoid arthritis. This is good stuff.

and last…

12 YEARS A SLAVE (Not on DVD yet! Patience, people!)

No doubt. Best movie of the year.

It was Michael Fassbender who lead me to the films of Steve McQueen (HUNGER, SHAME)

but it’s his f***ing wrenching films that keep me coming back.

And holy pajamas, he loves a looooong shot. In HUNGER it’s a guard endlessly sweeping piss down a hall. In SHAME it’s Fassbender running through the streets of New York. and in 12 YEARS…oooph. It’s incredibly excruciating. and you have to watch it.

—Every year I watch movies that make me want to curl up in the fetal position and I keep asking why I do this to myself— because these movies stick with you and I’ll take that versus the after effect of watching dozens of deadweight blockbusters (Avengers, Dark Knight Rises) that leave me with a string of drool hanging off my lip.

ENJOY!

And Regans pick for best tv this year..

GETTING ON (Not on DVD yet!)

Laurie Metcalf (Roseanne, Uncle Buck), Niecy Nash (Reno 911) and Alex Borstein (Mad TV) work in a woman’s geriatric unit and they should get all the awards. All three actresses are known for their comedy chops, and that shows here, but there’s so much compassion and starkness to their performances… all of the awards to all of them. NOW.

Tough and Triassic Tuesday! Give yourself a free rental from the Action or Classics section with any other paid rental! OR Get any three non-new releases for seven days for seven bucks!

>>>And Videoport’s Regan gives her Worst of 2013!

In no order. they all suck.

TRANCE. Danny Boyle…COME ON! and Rosario Dawson, I’m so disappointed in you, I’m not mad, I’m just disappointed.

HOBBIT, HOBBIT2, FUTURE HOBBITS. So dull, looks dull. smells dull. Dull dull dull. Mushrooms can’t save these. Booooooo.

THE CANYONS. Gross.

MAN OF STEEL. Hey! Let’s have a endless movie with the same fight 8 times! And where are his underwear! And Michael Shannon, shame on you.

I’m not mad, just disappointed.

SILVER LININGS PLAYBOOK. Eh.

Instead watch: FLIRTING WITH DISASTER, THREE KINGS, the FIGHTER, I HEART HUCKABEES.

& last….DJANGO UNCHAINED.

Lazy. That’s all it deserves.

Worstest tv. SCANDAL. Overrated, overwrought boring pap.

Wacky and Worldly Wednesday! You’ve got a free rental coming from the Comedy or Foreign Language sections with any other paid rental! OR Get any three non-new releases for seven days for seven bucks!

>>> Mysterious Videoport Customer 666 gives his/her/its Best and worst of 2013!

Best:

The Conjuring

Only God Forgives

The Incredible Burt Wonderstone

The Evil Dead

Blackfish

Worst:

Pawn

The Wolverine

Prisoners

The Canyons

Thrifty Thursday! Rent one, get a free rental from any other section in the store! OR Get any three non-new releases for seven days for seven bucks!

>>>Videoport’s April gives her Best and Worst of 2013!

April’s Top 5 movies of 2013:

Behind The Candelabra

John Dies At The End

Hara-Kiri: Death OF A Samurai

The Heat

The World’s End

Two movies April loved but you might hate:

The Comedy

Small Apartments

And the worst movie April watched this year:

Twixt

Free Kids Friday! One free rental from the Kids section, no other rental necessary!

>>> Videoport begins the new year by giving your precious child all the free Dora the Explorer he/she can handle!

Having a Wild Weekend! Rent two movies, and get a third one for free from any section!

>>>For Saturday, Videoport says thanks for another great year, everybody! We all know there are a multitude of buggy internet organizations that delete your favorite movies without warning just to be jerks and plastic vending machines scattered throughout convenience store parking lots that dispense scratched copies of the same few dozen movies to choose from when deciding how to spend your hard-earned entertainment dollar. So thank all of you who have chosen to stay loyal to an independent, dedicated, local movie store. Us, I mean. So keep it up, gang, tell a friend, and help Videoport carry the fire for years to come. We love you, you big ol’ sons o’ guns, you…

>>>For Sunday, Dennis presents his list of the Best and Worst Stuff of 2013! (In no particular order.)

Best:

-The Imposter

-The Master

-Holy Motors, Upstream Color, and Post Tenebras Lux (My picks for artsy, confusing, mesmerizing things that I’ll recommend and no one will rent, ever!)

-The World’s End

-Stories We Tell

-Computer Chess (My pick for artsy indie that I’ll never get anyone to rent. Take it with 2012’s nominee Turkey Bowl for a double feature of stuff only I liked!)

-This Is The End

-Much Ado About Nothing (If Amy Acker doesn’t become a movie star, I will burn Hollywood to the ground.)

-Before Midnight

-Big Star: Nothing Can Hurt Me (Saw the movie, then bought all three Big Star albums right after.)

-Hell Baby (Essentially just some of the funniest people you know screwing around. That’s enough.)

Most disappointing:

-Skyfall (The ongoing squander of Daniel Craig’s Bond continues—James Bond in Home Alone!)

-The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey (Misconceived and pandering to IMAX junkies. Martin Freeman gives a truly lovely performance, though.)

-This Is 40 (Something made by people I love that made me want to stab myself by the end.)

-Django Unchained (Quentin is on the downslide. This just doesn’t hold together.)

-The ABCs Of Death

-Man Of Steel (Zack Snyder is NOT the guardian of my childhood. I hated this movie.)

-Twixt (Oh, Francis Ford Coppola…just stop, please. For all our sakes.)

The Reluctant Fundamentalist

Greatest movie titles of 2013:

-Creep Van

-Manborg

-John Dies At The End

TV

Best:

-Enlightened- The Complete Series (The best show of 3013. Seriously.)

-Archer- season 3

-Vikings-season 1 (So much better than I thought it’d be.)

-Veep- season 1

-30 Rock- season 7 (Goodbye, one of the best sitcoms ever.)

-Orphan Black- season 1 (Everyone was outraged that Tatiana Maslany didn’t get an Emmy. They were right.)

-Breaking Bad- seasons 5 and 5.2

-Bob’s Burgers- season 2

-Rectify- season 1 (Wow. Just wow. Rent it, people.)

-Wilfred- season 2

-Girls- season 2

-New Girl- season 2

-Parks and Recreation- season 5

-It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia- season 8 (Overlooked because it’s still doing what it does so well.)

-Homeland- season 2

-Behind The Candelabra

-Hannibal- season 1 (Stunning. And vastly better than I imagined it would be.)

-Mad Men- season 6

-Doctor Who: Day Of The Doctor (Matt Smith and David Tennant together? Yes, please.)

Most disappointing:

-Life’s Too Short- season 1 (Did any comedy reputation suffered more in 2013 than Ricky Gervais’?)

-The Newsroom- season 1 (It seems ungrateful to complain about an intelligent, ambitious show. But…)

-Community- season 4 (Season 5 comes out this week, bringing back creator Dan Harmon. Let’s just agree that season 4 never happened.)

-Family Tree- season 1 (Funny people, directed by Christopher Guest. Consistently pleasant with a side of ‘meh.’)

Just sucked:

-The Bible (Sure, I’m a heathen and all, but this pedestrian, pedantic religious propaganda just blew.)

-Killing Lincoln (Based on a book by Bill O’Reilly. ‘Nuff said.)

-Liz & Dick

-Under The Dome- season 1 (Imagine a worse-written Lost. Yow.)

 

New Releases this week at Videoport: Don Jon (everybody’s cool guy/boyfriend Joseph Gordon Leavitt writes, directs and stars as a porn-addicted goofus trying to relate to his super-hot girlfriend Scarlett Johannson; it’s good to be the writer/director…), Sweetwater (a pretty former prostitute trying to settle down, an evil preacher obsessed with her, a renegade, violent lawman in the middle! It’s a rootin’-tootin’ throwback Western starring Ed Harris, January Jones and Jason Isaacs!), CBGB (the ever-great Alan Rickman stars as Hilly Kristal, founder of the titular legendary New York City punk club; other, perhaps less awesome people star as unconvincing manques of Patti Smith, The Ramones, Iggy Pop, Lou Reed, and more!), Dhoom and Dhoom 2 (Check Videoport’s Bollywood section for these Indian action flicks—easily the most popular Indian films of all time; In them, a pair of motorcycle ridin’

All the awesome.

All the awesome.

don’t-play-by-the-rules, hunky cops racing their bikes in pursuit of gangs of professional thieves!)

Awesome.New Arrivals This Week at Videoport: Atrocious (Do you like Paranormal Activity? Do you like Spanish? Well, head over to Videoport’s foreign language section for this super-creepy found-footage Spanish horror movie about people who can’t stop filming scary things even when said scary things are trying to kill them!), Helena From The Wedding (great cast [Melanie Lynskey, Lee Tergesen, Community’s Gillian Jacobs] star in this indie comedy drama from the people at Film Movement about a gaggle of friends whose attempt to have a nice, relaxing time at one couple’s remote mountain cabin is complicated by the fact that everyone hates each other and stuff), If I Want To Whistle, I Whistle (acclaimed Romanian drama, also from Film Movement, about a young guy being released from prison who attempts to handle a new relationship with a prison volunteer and the old relationship with his troubled mother)

Mad you didn’t get in on the Best Of/Worst Of fun this issue? No sweat—send ‘em to us at denmn@hotmail.com!

 

 

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