Volume CCCLXVIII- The Legend Continues
For the Week of 9/4/12
Videoport gives you a free movie every day. How do you beat that? You don’t, that’s how.
Middle Aisle Monday! Take a free rental from the Science Fiction, Horror, Incredibly Strange, Mystery/Thriller, Animation, or Staff Picks sections with any other paid rental! OR Get any three non-new releases for seven days for seven bucks!
>>> Former Videoporter (he still writes the Videoport ad/article in The Phoenix which is the funniest thing you’ve ever read) Jeremy graces us with JEREMY’S CAN I DO ONE OF THESE 50 MOVIES LISTS TOO EVEN THOUGH I WORK FOR THE STORE IN A FAR LESS INTENSIVE CAPACITY AND IN FACT LIVE NOWHERE NEAR IT LIST?
1) Etre et Avoir
2) The Straight Story
4) The Dead Next Door*
5) Roll Bounce
6) The Way We Get By
8) Evil Alien Conquerors*
9) Diamond Men
10) Stay Hungry
13) Brain Damage
14) Prime Cut
15) A League of Ordinary Gentlemen (bowling doc not the Sean Connery crappy poop fart movie)
16) Ip Man
18) Billy the Kid (doc about the weird kid who lives in Maine not anything cowboy related)
19) Electra Glide in Blue
21) Louie Bluie
22) Trash Humpers
24) Gang Tapes
25) Putty Hill*
26) Love Object
27) 52 Pick-Up
28) Find Me Guilty
31) I Love You Phillip Morris
33) Summer Wars
34) The Krays
37) Rock the Bells
38) Meet Dave
39) How’s Your News?
40) Spring Forward
41) Buffalo Soldiers*
42) Treeless Mountain
43) The Swimmer
44) The Five Obstructions
45) 84 Charing Cross Road
46) White Dog
47) Hell House
49) High Tension
50) Don (the older Bollywood one not the remake Bollywood one which I haven’t seen)
*Um, Videoport doesn’t have these at the moment. I’m sure Jeremy has scratchy VHS copies he might loan you…
MOVIES I HAD TO SCRATCH OFF MY LIST CAUSE YOU TURDS ALREADY TOOK ‘EM BUT I SHOULD STILL GET GOOD TASTE CREDIT FOR LIKING:
Over the Edge
Chuck & Buck
Tough and Triassic Tuesday! Give yourself a free rental from the Action or Classics section with any other paid rental! OR Get any three non-new releases for seven days for seven bucks!
>>> James suggests 2O TV shows from the comedy section that I recommend for laughs and mirth. Chuckle it up people.
1. Arrested Development – Narrator: Michael was having brunch with Sally Sitwell at a restaurant called Skip Church’s Bistro. In addition to brunch, the restaurant was known for an item on the menu called the “Skip’s Scramble”, an omelet that contained everything on the menu. Donot order the Skip’s Scramble.
2. Big Bang Theory – Raj: I don’t like bugs, okay? They freak me out.Sheldon: Interesting. You’re afraid of insects and women. Ladybugs must render you catatonic.
3. Bored to Death – Jonathan: Oh my God! What is that? Ray: I’ve got long foreskin. Not everybody is Jewish ya know.
4. Boston Legal – Alan Shore: Denny, I refuse to shoot you. Denny Crane: You… Democrat! Protesting war and banning guns. If you Nancys had your way, nobody would ever shoot anybody! And then where would we be? Alan Shore: “Where would we be…”
5. Community – Pierce: Let’s have one drink before we work … to the empowerment of words. Jeff: To the irony of that sentence
6. Corner Gas – Hank Yarbo: [heckling the crowd at Comedy Night] Hey you! Is that your face, or did your neck throw up?
7. Flight of the Conchords – Bret: Okay, Dave, do you have any special skills? Dave: I can make a weapon out of pretty much anything. Like when I’m gardening, some a-hole tries to sneak up and take me out – watering can tied to a hose. (whipping noises) Cops show up, “What’s that, officer? Just watering the geroniums.”
8. Freaks and Geeks – Millie: You’re high! Lindsay: How could you tell? Millie: I know what high people look like. I went to a Seals and Crofts concert last summer.
9. Greg the Bunny – Warren: Leo, Warren Demontague. The pleasure is mutual. Looking forward to our scene together. Leo: Correct me if I’m wrong. But if I’m playing a mailman, why would I be doing a scene with a dog? Warren: I, sir, am an actor first, a puppet second, and an ape third! I am not a dog! But if I were, I would bite you thusly!
10. Happy Endings – Max Blum:The zombies have taken you down and I am using your body like a sleeping bag. Tauntaun style.
11. Larry Sanders Show – Hank Kingsley: Dear [Vince] Vaughn, I’m sorry about the sh*t I put on your car. Please forgive me. The girl I’m dating is crazy and didn’t tell me she hit my car so I assumed it was you. Women – what are you going to do? By the way, I thought SWINGERS was a hoot-and-a-half. Regards, Hank Kingsley.
12. Nurse Jackie – Zoey: Can I at least take the knife out? Jackie: No, Zoey. Never remove a foreign object protruding from a patient. The surgeon does that, you understand? Zoey: (whispers) But it’s so tempting.
13. The Office – Dwight: Oh, hey. Listen, Jim. Here’s a little tip for your performance review. Jim: Okay. Dwight: Tell Michael that we should be stocking more of the double-tabbed manila file folders. Jim: We don’t have double-tabbed manila file folders. Dwight: Oh yes we do. Jim: No we don’t. Dwight: Yeah, it’s a new product. So you should just suggest that to him, and then he’ll be sure to give you a raise. Jim: All right. Well, I’m not asking for a raise. I’m going to actually be asking for a pay decrease. Dwight: Uh, that is so stupid. What if he gives it to you? Jim: Then I win.
14. Parenthood – Sarah: She had that bizarre fear of the tooth fairy. She said, ‘Don’t let that crazy fairy steal my teeth!'”
15. Party Down – Roman DeBeers: Bobbie, what the f*** is that? [Bobbie’s appetizer tray is arranged into a swastika] Bobbie St. Brown: Why? Kyle Bradway: That’s not right. Bobbie St. Brown: Oh, I made it into that Nazi thing! Roman DeBeers: Yeah. Bobbie St. Brown: I didn’t know, I… I thought I… I w -… I started out as a snowflake.
16. Psych – Gus: I just got a lap dance from Patrick Swayze! Shawn: What, you mean like an impersonator? Gus: No, I think it was actually Patrick Swayze!
17. Reaper – Mr. Oliver: There’s something I… I have to tell you. I, uh, I probably should have told you this a long time ago. I, uh… Before you were born, your Mom and I… sold your soul to the Devil.
18. The Ricky Gervais Show – Karl Pilkington: They keep saying that sea levels are rising an all this. It’s nowt to do with the icebergs melting, it’s because there’s too many fish in it. Get rid of some of the fish and the water will drop. Simple. Basic science.
19. Slings and Arrows – [Geoffrey is in jail after engaging a rival director in a duel.] Guard: Are you a suicide risk? Geoffrey Tennant: Isn’t everybody?
20. 30 Rock – Tracy: The capital of the United Arab Emirates is Abu Dhabi. I know that cuz if I go back there I’ll be executed.
Wacky and Worldly Wednesday! You’ve got a free rental coming from the Comedy or Foreign Language sections with any other paid rental! OR Get any three non-new releases for seven days for seven bucks!
>>>Elsa S. Customer suggests we examine the unfortunate tradition of replacing Asian characters with white actors. Hey, who’s seen the trailer for the Wachowski’s long-awaited adaptation of Cloud Atlas? Wow, that looks like a compelling, riveting — WHOA. Is that Hugo Weaving (The Matrix, Proof, Lord of the Rings) in yellowface? Um. Supporters and fans have a lotta reasons and rationalizations for why this should be acceptable in the case of Cloud Atlas; I think that, whatever the reasons, putting face paint and prosthetic eyefolds on a white dude reiterates and endorses a longstanding racist film practice. At the very least, it’s problematic and distracting. Long after blackface became taboo in mainstream entertainment*, yellowface is still defended by entertainers, fans, and critics. I think the long view of history usually discredits yellowface. I’ll support post-racial identity bending in movies when we live in a post-racial world, but not before. further, I’d argue that color-blind casting is properly used to diversify casts, repair the traditional erasing and invisible-izing of other ethnicities and cultures in Western film, and offer viewers of all races a chance to see themselves, their cultural histories, and their authentic experiences mirrored on the screen, not to give more opportunities and visibility to prominent white actors. What do you think? If you need somewhere to start, check out a few famous examples of yellowface: Gail Sonnergard in The Letter, Mickey Rooney in Breakfast at Tiffany’s, Peter Sellers in Murder by Death and The Fiendish Plot of Fu Manchu (Sellers also appears as a stereotyped Chinese man in The Revenge of the Pink Panther, but that’s the character’s gaffe, not the casting director’s), Max von Sydow in Flash Gordon, Linda Hunt in The Year of Living Dangerously (for which she won an Oscar), everyone in The Last Airbender (though that’s less “yellowface” and more “Let’s pretend this all-white cast is ethnically ambiguous!”).
Thrifty Thursday! Rent one, get a free rental from any other section in the store! OR Get any three non-new releases for seven days for seven bucks!
>>>Elsa S. Customer suggests we talk about the last acceptable refuge for blackface: meta-blackface, that weird, queasy sliver of comedy in which white people paint their faces to point out how repugnant blackface is. Spike Lee’s Bamboozled, about a TV producer (Damon Wayans) who pitches an old-fashioned blackface minstrel show in hopes of getting fired and instead is appalled by its success; Robert Downey, Jr., as a Caucasian method actor playing an African-American character in Tropic Thunder; habitually clueless and offensive Jenna (Jane Krakowski) made up as a black man on 30 Rock — in two separate episodes, no less; John Hamm as an old-school Amos n’ Andy stereotype (with Tracy Jordan [Tracy Morgan] looking on patient distaste) in on 30 Rock; Roger Sterling performing a blackface rendition of “My Old Kentucky Home” to the delight of many Derby Day guests and the discomfort of just a few (including Don Draper and Pete Campbell) on “Mad Men”; Mac donning blackface (and citing the Laurence Olivier precedent) for an unlicensed Lethal Weapon sequel on “It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia.”
Free Kids Friday! One free rental from the Kids section, no other rental necessary!
>>> A free kids movie every Friday reassures your kids that you still love them. Plus, hey- doesn’t cost you anything…
Having a Wild Weekend! Rent two movies, and get a third one for free from any section!
>>>For Saturday, Videoport customer Nigel S. suggests The Fourth Man (in Foreign Language.) I know what you’re thinking: why do I always have to choose between androgynous eroticism and dreamy metadrama? Well no need to either/or it this time folks! Though allegedly directed by Paul Verhoeven (of Robocop and Total Recall fame), The Fourth Man feels like the demon seed of a DePalma, Cronenberg and Polanski Unholy Trinity. The fun starts—as it so often does for self-important, sauced scribblers like protagonist Gerard Reve—with a lecture at the local literary society. Quickly though everything goes to shears as he faces a complex web of empty bottles, troubling home movies, writer’s block, and his own untrustworthy psychism. Oh, also there are gun-keys and blood-flowers. Seriously though it has got everything you never even thought to want. Crucified hunks? Check. Scissor-centric symbolism? Double check. Vacillation between real and imaginary, actual and virtual? So many checks! This one’s a must-see, and that truth is no lie.
>>>For Sunday, Dennis suggests getting hooked on a new TV show. Seriously- check out this week’s new releases. Somebody’s gotta watch all these…
New Releases this week at Videoport: Another HUGE TV series week here at Videoport! Strap in, people:’Parks & Recreation’- season 4 (hilarious comic psycho Amy Poehler is back as the most gung-ho local politician in Pawnee, Indiana in this ever-stellar series), ‘The Office’- season 8 (Michael Scott is gone, but the beleaguered denizens of Dunder Mifflin paper are still bringing the funny with Ed Helms in charge), ‘Bored to Death’- season 3 (because life isn’t fair, this is the final season we’ll get of this oddball hilarious HBO series about Jason Schwatzman’s frustrated writer-turned-detective and his equally unqualified pals Ted Danson and Zach Galifianiakis),’The Good Wife’- season 3 (Juliana Margulies is back playing politics), ‘Hung’- season 3 (Thomas Jane is back in this ribald HBO series about, as former Videoporter Jeremy once put it succinctly, “that guy with the big dink”), ‘Fringe’-season 4 (mad scientists, parallel universes, and one of the best sci fi series in years…), ‘How to Make It in America’- season 2 (a gaggle of Brooklyn hipsters trying to make it, and get laid; it’s sort of a less obnoxious Entourage!), ‘Haven’- season 2 (more of the Twin Peaks-y supernatural goings on in the titualr small Maine town), ‘Grey’s Anatomy’- season 8 (that’s still goin’ on, huh? They’re doctors…), ‘Person of Interest’- season 1 (an ex-CIA agent who’s presumed dead teams up with a nerdy millionaire to prevent crimes in this JJ Abrams thriller series starring Jesus), ‘Rake’- season 1 (check the British Comedy section for this series about a hell-raising Australian barrister), High School (Adrien Brody and Michael Chiklis are the grown ups in this high school stoner comedy about a valedictorian whose first ever hit of the weed the day before his hardassed principal institutes mandatory drug testing beings about some serious, weed-based shenanigans), Piranha 3DD(sigh…they’re
fish…eating people…and there are a lot more boobs this time…sigh…), Safe (Jason Statham brings his head-butting leading man charm to this action fest about a failed ultimate fighter who takes on the Mob in order to protect a little girl with some secret codes), The Five-Year Engagement (Jason Segel and Emily Blunt are the titular long-betrothed couple at the center of this comedy featuring, as Videoport’s Andy enthuses, “funny people doing funny things”), Quick (frantic Korean action about a motorcycle delivery guy who finds out his helmet with explode if he doesn’t make his deliveries on time; sort of like Speed, but his head is the bus!), Small, Beautifully Moving Parts (from the Film Movement people, this indie follows a tech-savvy young woman whose unplanned pregnancy sends her off in search of her estranged mom who lives completely off the grid), Zebraman (from madman Japanese director Takashi Miike [Ichi the Killer] comes this superhero flick about a mild-mannered teacher whose plan to inspire people by donning the costume of a childhood fictional hero runs into trouble when the hero’s nemesis turns out to be a real demon), 40 West(Videoport’s Dennis says this intense drama from filmmaking
partners Dana Packard and Jennifer Porter is the best Maine made film he’s ever seen. You should see it), Headhunters (much requested Norwegian thriller about an art heist), Apartment 143 (like Paranormal Activity? Then check out this surveillance camera thriller about ghost hunters examining a haunted apartment building), Freelancers (an action thriller starring Robert DeNiro, Forest Whittaker, and 50 Cent? One of these things is not like the other…),
New Arrivals at Videoport this week: Quadrophenia (The Who’s rock opera gets the deluxe Criterion Collection treatment!), Herbie Goes to Monte Carlo (everybody’s favorite VW is back, and Don Knotts is inside him!)
New Arrivals on Blu Ray this week at Videoport: Quick, Piranha 3DD, Safe, The Long Kiss Goodnight, The Five Year Engagement, Blood Simple, Sid & Nancy, Raising Arizona, Zathura, Jumanji.