VideoReport #367

Volume CCCLXVII- Divine Secrets of the Ya Ya Sisterhood 2: Blood Storm

For the Week of 8/28/12

 Videoport gives you a free movie every day, which makes the world 3% better…

Middle Aisle Monday! Take a free rental from the Science Fiction, Horror, Incredibly Strange, Mystery/Thriller, Animation, or Staff Picks sections with any other paid rental! OR Get any three non-new releases for seven days for seven bucks!

>>>Videoport customer Nancy Rat Rat suggests Double Indemnity (in Mystery/Thriller.) You cannot go wrong with the classics. Well, maybe some of them, maybe a lot of them actually, but not this one. This ridiculously hot summer has made me so mad that I just want to sit, sweat, and watch snappy dialogue and stylized murder. Double Indemnity gives me everything I’m looking for. It’s a relatively simple tale – boy meets girl, boy flirts with girl under the pretense of selling her insurance, girl casually mentions she wants her husband dead. Fred MacMurray and Barbara Stanwyck are the smokiest, sultriest duo and I love their sexual chemistry, but I really get into it for Edward G. Robinson playing the claims adjustor at the insurance agency. Rarely do I find myself jumping out of my seat and pacing around the room during the film-watching experience, but the way Robinson and MacMurray play cat-and-mouse is so brilliantly tense I can’t watch it sitting still.

Tough and Triassic Tuesday! Give yourself a free rental from the Action or Classics section with any other paid rental! OR Get any three non-new releases for seven days for seven bucks!

>>> Ms. Elsa S. Customer suggests that cable sucks…a lot. This summer, after well over a decade without cable, I succumbed to the lure of one jillion channels. (Your faithful editor, Videoport Jones/a.k.a. Dennis, got a new writing gig that requires him to see broadcast television. Ask him about it! He won’t be at all shy or modest!) I have to admit, my expectations were high: so many channels! So many shows and movies! So much to watch! But then I actually, y’know, turned on the TV and the damper of reality fell upon that daydream: this is what cable has to offer? Marmaduke? Puss in Boots? Baby’s Day Out on three different premium channels simultaneously? Outdated pay-per-view movies for six bucks? SIX BUCKS? For one dollar more, Videoport will rent me three — count ’em, THREE — movies for a whole week. Or for a measly $3.50, Videoport will rent me a first-run movie (or something from their vast library of classic films) and give me a second movie for free. Just pick a flick that’s not spankin’ new for your second (FREE!) rental (And unlike on-demand movies, the DVDs or BluRay movies usually come with closed captions and plenty of special features,, I get to keep older releases for 3 days.) On Middle Aisle Monday, get a free Sci-Fi, Fantasy, Horror, Thriller, Incredibly Strange, Staff Picks). On Tough or Triassic Tuesday, Classics or Action; Worldly and Wacky Wednesday: Foreign or Comedy; and Thrifty Thursday, when you get a free second rental from any category! Oh my gosh! And that’s without even mentioning Friday: oh, Friday, you nut. On Fridays, you can pick any movie from the family section for a free rental; no other rental necessary. Any Friday that My Neighbor Totoro or Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory remain untouched in the family section is a Friday that Portland has failed as a community, y’all.

Wacky and Worldly Wednesday! You’ve got a free rental coming from the Comedy or Foreign Language sections with any other paid rental! OR Get any three non-new releases for seven days for seven bucks!

>>> Andy suggests Maria Bamford: Plan B (in Comedy). A few nights ago, Videoport’s Dennis and I were discussing Aqua Teen Hunger Force, and Dennis said something like, “I imagine insanity would feel like Aqua Teen playing on an endless loop in my brain.” Anyone familiar with the show knows what that means. I feel the same way about Tim And Eric Awesome Show, Great Job!, another funny but deeply unsettling program. But Maria Bamford’s comedy special, Plan B, really takes the insanity cake. This is schizophrenic comedy. As Bamford explains, some people might be disappointed that Plan B is not stand-up comedy, “this is a one person show, but the cool thing about that is that the theme of the show is disappointment!” In the show, she tells the story of her on-stage nervous breakdown and her subsequent move back into her family’s house in Duluth, Minnesota. One by one, Bamford introduces her impressions of her parents, sister, dog, and various hometown acquaintances. And then, and this is where it starts getting insane, they all have conversations with each other. And not just simple conversations between two characters; Bamford stages elaborate, epic dinner conversations featuring her entire family, switching from character to character at a dizzying pace. As funny as Maria Bamford is, I only laughed a little during Plan B. I was mostly just dazzled by her abilities as a performer, and, frankly, kind of disturbed by how thoroughly conceived and skillfully performed her characters are. Imagine an entire family of obnoxious grotesques all speaking at once through the body of one woman. It’s kind of insane.

Thrifty Thursday! Rent one, get a free rental from any other section in the store! OR Get any three non-new releases for seven days for seven bucks!

>>>Dennis suggests Looking for Richard (in Feature Drama.) Al Pacino really loves Shakespeare. He’d like you to know that. Running alongside his long career of playing tough guys, Pacino’s occasionally taken to the stage (or film) and taken a whack at portraying some of Shakespeare’s juiciest roles (Richard III, Shylock) and in this 1996 documentary, Al gathers up some actor pals (Alec Baldwin, Winona Ryder, Kevin Spacey, and others) and, in between acting out scenes from Richard III, he attempts to explain his love for the Bard. It’s pretty endearing actually- Pacino makes no bones about the fact that he’s not a Shakepearean scholar- in fact, even though he’d played the king once before, he admits to being confused about the plot and even confuses two characters for each other. But, as he works through his interpretation of the play alongside his actor friends and through interviews with noted Shakespearean actors like Kenneth Branagh, John Gielgud, Derek Jacobi, Vanessa Redgrave, and some Shakepearean scholars, it’s hard not to respect his genuine love for the plays. While certainly no dummy, Pacino is quick to concede that he’s always in a bit over his head playing Shakespeare, and that humility, alongside his palpable joy in tackling his role, makes you kinda love the guy.

Free Kids Friday! One free rental from the Kids section, no other rental necessary!

>>>You get a free kids movie. You can get it for a kid. You can get it for yourself. We’re not here to judge…

Having a Wild Weekend! Rent two movies, and get a third one for free from any section!

>>>For Saturday, Former Videoporter Stockman suggests Goon (in Comedy.) Regan is right! You should always listen to her. Check out her list in last week’s Videoreport and watch every single movie on it. Will you always agree with her? Maybe not. I know there are times that Regan and I don’t see eye to eye. I’m not a fan of Shag The Movie, though I did play it at a slumber party where I braided her hair throughout the film. I like braiding hair! Regan’s is crazy thick. And it’s probably best that you never bring up Juno in front of us; things could get particularly heated on that topic. As proven by our most recent adventure to Ruski’s Regan and I can get pretty catty with each other and you wouldn’t want to get caught in the crossfire. But, no matter how vicious or how many articles of my clothing she hilariously rips she will always hold a place in my heart. Not only because I find her to be an all around wonderful, delightful person and friend, but she’s introduced me to some damn fine films and TV shows. Her tolerance for coming of age stories far surpasses my own, but everything she recommends is worth at least giving a shot. Today’s case and point is Goon. Regan came down to Boston for my birthday and even though I apparently gave her hung-over-morning-after-party death stares it didn’t stop her from guiding me to this gem. We sat about my living room and gave Goon a whirl. I could not have been more delighted and pleased with the outcome. Goon is exactly everything that Regan said it would be. It’s a charming story with a heart-warming, enjoyable main character and a very small understated love story to spice things up. I’m not sure anyone on the planet knows less about sports than Regan and I. I’m pretty sure we’d lose to a four year old in sports trivia. Any four year old. Yet, sports movies and TV shows can be so enjoyable (as with Dennis, Regan was also the first to show me the awe inspiring power of Friday Night Lights). Goon is no exception. A highly enjoyable sports story involving hockey, that I understood none of, but was too happy with the film to care. With people like Regan in this world entertainment is exponentially more entertaining than you ever dreamed it could be. Listen to her!

>>>For Sunday, Dennis suggests using the Rent 2, get 1 free weekend deal to catch up on some of these TV series we got this week. Seriously- that’s a ton o’quality television that came out all at once: Boardwalk Empire, Sons of Anarchy, The Walking Dead– all great stuff. But what if you haven’t seen the earlier seasons of these shows? What are you gonna do then? Let your friends make fun of you because they’re all talking around the water cooler about the amazing stuff in the newest season of one of these shows and you can’t join in? Who are those jerks anyway? And why do you have a water cooler? I mean, is it at your house? Anyway, what I’m saying is that you should take advantage of Videoport’s super-thrifty daily specials to quickly bone up on these shows so you can get up to speed and those jerk “friends” of yours off your back. Or maybe just find some new friends…

New Releases this week at Videoport: HOLY CRAP! Sometimes in the video rental biz, there’s a perfect storm of new releases. When one of those happens, we batten down the hatches, wait by the phones (773-1999 to reserve), and get ready for the onslaught. Here’s why: ‘Sons of Anarchy’- season 4 (It’s like The Sopranos- but on motorcycles!), ‘Boardwalk Empire’- season 2 (It’s like The Sporanos- but during Prohibition!), The Walking Dead- season 2 (It’s like The Sopranos- but with zombies eating everybody!), ‘Homeland’- season 1 (acclaimed thriller series about a returning veteran who may be a sleeper agent; it’s not like the Sopranos at all!), ‘Alphas’- season 1 (ever-dependable David Strathairn plays Professor X to a group of superpowered folks in this sci fi series), ‘Once Upon a Time’- season 1 (a young woman [Ginnifer Goodwin from Big Love] discovers that everyone in a small Maine town is under a curse, and that fairy tales are real in this fantasy TV series), Battleship (it’s based on that peg-based board game you have collecting dust somewhere in your house- but with Liam Neeson and tons o’splosions!), The Lucky One (li’l Zack Efron sontinues his attempt to be taken seriously with this drama about a returning Iraq War vet seeking out the girl whose photo he’s been carrying), Think Like a Man (based on Steve Harvey’s inexplicably popular self help book, this rom-com features talented folks like Romany Malco, Taraji. P. Henson, Kevin Hart, Gabrielle Union…and noted woman beater Chris Brown!), The Pirates! Band of Misfits (from the clay kooks at Aardman Animation [Wallace and Gromit] comes this claymated kids flick about some charmingly goofy plasticine pirates), Starship Troopers: Invasion (the sci fi war against the space bugs continues in animated form), Quadrophenia (The Who’s epic rock opera gets the film treatment…and the deluxe treatment from the Criterion Collection), Darling Companion (Diane Keaton, Kevin Kline, Elizabeth Moss and Mark Duplass star in this drama about a woman’s obsession with the stray dog she found on the side of the road), Paradise Lost 3: Purgatory (the sadly-continuing ordeal of the so-called West Memphis Three is examined in this harrowing documentary), Chimpanzee (it’s a documentary about a freaking adorable little chimp- what more do you want?), Ecstasy of Order: The Tetris Masters (documentary about those obsessed with putting things on top of other things), ‘The Guardian’- season 2 (before he was The Mentalist, Simon Baker was this guy!), ‘Anthony Bourdain: No Reservations’- season 7 (eating weird stuff in weird places, that’s his game!), The Viral Factor (starring Jay Chou [The Green Hornet], this Chinese action thriller has a plot far too complicated to go into here- but there’ll be lots of kicking, I assure you), Penumbra (a woman realtor rents an apartment to the very wrongest guy in this Argentinian horror thriller), Monsieur Lazhar (absolutely everyone wants to see this heartwarming Canadian film about an Algerian immigrant teacher who takes over the class of a beloved teacher who had committed suicide), The Heineken Kidnapping (Rutger Hauer stars in this Dutch thriller about a real life kidnapping), Blood Money (martial arts action starring the thousandth guy someone claims is “the next Bruce Lee”), A Beginner’s Guide to Endings (Harvey Keitel, Scott Caan, and JK Simmons star in this indie about three brothers who discover they only have a few weeks to live and set out to make the best endings possible), United (David Tennant stars in this true story of the tragic fate of the 1958 Manchester United football team)

New Arrivals this week at Videoport: ‘Looney Tunes Mouse Chronicles’ (check the kids section for more animated goodness), The Amazing World of Gumball (more animated stuff…for kids!)

New Arrivals on Blu Ray this week at Videoport: The Sting, Friends With Kids, Chimpanzee, Batman: The Movie (Adam West version), Say Anything, Battleship, The Lucky One, Think Like a Man, The Pirates!: Band of Misfits, ‘Sons of Anarchy’- season 4, ‘Homeland’- season 1.

Get free money at Videoport! $20 buys you $25 in rental credit, and $30 buys you $40 in rental credit. That’s what you call free money.

You know you can park for free at Videoport, right? Seriously. The parking lot behind the building is free every weekday after 5pm and all weekend. Also, Videoport will validate you for a free hour of parking at any downtown garage (the courthouse garage is like a minute’s walk away.) And, of course, all parking meters are inert and foolish after 6pm Monday-Saturday and all day Sunday.

Get free rentals at Videoport! Any time you buy a movie from Videoport (and remember-we can special order anything you need), we’ll give you a free rental on your Videoport account. Think of it as $3.50 off the purchase price, think of it as a nice little reward for yourself when you buy someone else a gift, think of it as a way to support local business instead of some soulless corporation- any way you think of it, you’re getting yourself something for free…



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