Do What Videoport Jones Does (a DVD Handling Primer)

Videoport Jones: Hey there chain store avatars , what are you guys up to?
Bl*ck B*ster: Wha? Ohh, dude…I’m just sliming my horrible, greasy, corporate fingers all over the shiny side of this DVD I just rented from you because my parent chain store only has about a hundred movies altogether and, due to that and many, many other reasons too numerous to go into here, it is about to file for Chapter 11 bankruptcy protection.
Videoport Jones: Well, that’s nice that you recognize our vastly, immeasurably superior selection, but I’m just gonna have to rescue our disc from your horrid, money-grubbing grasp (smacking Buster’s hand…hard)
BB: Yowch! That’s my grubbing hand!
VPJ: Yeah, sorry about that, but even one fingerprint on the shiny side of a DVD can cause it to not play properly. That’s why we clean each disc we send out with a specially-made DVD cleaning cloth (available for $2 a package at Videoport), and ask all our customers to keep our discs away from the kiddies, and to only handle them by the edge.
NetFl*x Nettie: Oh, hey guys, it’s cool if I leave this shiny, lovingly-cared-for Videoport DVD out on my scabby, pizza and bongwater-stained coffee table while I clog the US Mail’s sorting machines with my ill-designed, ridiculous red envelopes, lie to my subscribers about how many movies they’ll be able to get per month, and fight off class action lawsuits from all the consumers I’ve defrauded while simultaneously trying to drive actual, integrity-having independent movie stores out of business, right?
VPJ: Yeah, that’s not cool, missy. And you should really try not to spell out your evil plans in one lump like that. Anyway, once you take a Videoport DVD out of your DVD player, it’s vital that you replace it immediately in the clean, safe, and handy protective DVD cases we provide. When you leave a DVD out, it’s gonna collect dirt, hummus, dog-drool, car key imprints, and scratches which could effect our customers ability to enjoy them. And that’s not cool, right guys?
BB & NFN: Huh? What? We spaced out and were trying to put your DVD in the microwave.
VPJ: Right…okay, lesson #3…
Stay tuned for more DVD-saving adventures with Videoport’s favorite imaginary mascot, Videoport Jones.

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