You Wanna See Something Really Scary?…

Videoport’s spookiest give your their lists of five movies that actually managed to scare them:
1. Runaway. (Gene Simmons. Tom Selleck).  SPIDERS!  Mechanical spiders!
2. Trouble Every Day. (Vincent Gallo).  Cannibals!  Egads!
3. The Cowboy Way. It’s scary how much it sucks.
4. The Blair Witch Project. Total, butt-clenching dread.
5. The Ring. Again, total, butt-clenching dread.
1. The Blair Witch Project. You could have offered me $10,000 to walk through some woods after I’d seen it, and I couldn’t have done it.
2. Jacob’s Ladder. Until the asinine ending, some of the freakiest imagery ever.
3. Don’t Look Now:  “Hmm, interesting, sort of spooky, and…WTF!?!?”
4. Halloween. Yeah, the original, geniuses.  Just because it’s been ripped off ad nauseum doesn’t mean it didn’t do it the best.
5. Angel Heart. There’s this one image right at the end…
1. The Amityville Horror (remake).  And I only watched the first 30 minutes!  Painfully, unpleasantly scary.
2. Pulse (Japanese original).  I was looking for things in my apartment to hide behind!  Way too eerie.
3. Jesus Camp.  I felt like I should have been laughing, but it’s too true!  I fear for the future.
4. The Blair Witch Project.  I know.  It’s annoying, and frustrating, and too long.  But it’s also truly scary.  Like full body shudder scary.
5. The Shining.  When Scatman Cruthers offers Danny some ice cream, I must eat ice cream.  Creepy.  Also, the chopped-up children made a big impression.
Dennis2: The Rage
1. Irreversible.  (‘Cause of the head being bashed in with a fire extinguisher).
2. Tale of Two Sisters
3. Clean, Shaven
4. Mulholland Drive (‘Cause of those little people).
5. The Object of My Affection (‘Cause it’s horrid).

6.* Dog Days. (‘Cause a guy sings the Austrian national anthem naked with a candle up his a**).

*Apparently, they don’t teach you how to count to five in Dutch-land, but I just couldn’t bring myself to cut out his description of #6.
1. The Thing. (Carpenter).
2. Session 9
3. The Blair Witch Project
4. Anatomy of Hell
5. Invasion of the Body Snatchers (Sutherland, Goldblum).


Published in: on June 13, 2009 at 10:41 pm  Leave a Comment  
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