Videoport Math: Or, How Videoport’s Prices Are Even More Ridiculously Low Than First Believed!
Everybody knows that, in addition to having the best selection of movies anywhere and the best customer
service (meaning: employees who love movies and can speak about them in complete sentences), Videoport can boast the best prices in town (or in whatever benighted industrial park hosts a certain movies sent by mail in flimsy paper envelopes service we could mention). But did you know that, with our daily movie deals and handy savings plans, Videoport’s prices are even more shockingly low? Let me show you. Apart from kids’ rentals (which are all just a buck), all rentals at Videoport are $3.50. None too shabby. But, when you take advantage of the daily free movie specials (outlined on page 1 of this here newsletter), you can get a free movie to go along with one paid rental (Monday-Thursday) or two paid rentals (Saturday and Sunday) (Friday is just one free kids movie, no questions asked). That means that on Mon-Thurs, your price per rental is cut in half to $1.75 per movie and on the weekend, to $2.31 per movie. Even less shabby. But, when you throw in our economical payment plans (where $20 buys you $25 worth of rental credit and $30 buys you a whopping $40 of rental credit), you knock off another 20% or 25% from the rental price, then, whoa Nelly! That’ll turn a weekday two-for-one rental to either a mere $1.40 or $1.31 per rental ($1.73 or $1.51 on the weekend)! Needless to say, by offering such profound deals on our great selection of movie rentals, we have to cut back in other ways, such as: all clerks having to spend one day a
week pedaling the stationary bike in the back that keeps the electricity running, all clerks now subsisting on the discount ramen-style noodles from somewhere in Micronesia, all clerks collecting cans and bottles from the dumpster out back, and all clerks (just Andy, really) having to live in the storage room and tend the moonshine still). Harsh? Sure, but remember, we do it for you! Rent at Videoport and keep us in off-brand foodstuffs and dangerous, illegal hooch!
-Oh, and with the new(-ish) Wednesday special (4 non-new releases for 7 days for 7 bucks), each rental cost will be brought down to…well, I’m not a math guy, as I said, but it’s seriously not a lot.
-And check this BS out, if you need any more convincing that supporting your local, independent video store is the way to go.