VideoReport #330

Volume CCCXXX- Exit Through the Little Gift Shop of Horrors

For the Week of 12/15/11

Videoport’s not trying to panic anybody, but you see the date up there, right? Yeah. So we’re just gonna throw the idea out there that Videoport gift certificates make good presents, and leave it at that…

Middle Aisle Monday. (Get one free rental from the Sci-Fi, Horror, Incredibly Strange, Mystery/Thriller, Animation or Staff Picks sections with your paid rental.)

Videoport loves John!

>>> Elsa S. Customer suggests This Filthy World (in Incredibly Strange.) Did you miss John Waters’ Sunday night appearance at the State Theatre in “A John Waters Christmas”*? Why not enjoy the next-best thing: This Filthy World showcases Waters at his best, as an irresistible storyteller wedding high culture, low culture, art, and memoir into a rambling series of delicious digressions.

*We didn’t! See Wednesday’s review for more…

Tough and Triassic Tuesday. (Get one free rental from the Action or Classics sections with your paid rental.)

>>> Dennis suggests a double feature, side-by-side comparison of A Fistful of Dollars (in Action) and Yojimbo(in the Criterion Collection.) I bet you already know that Clint Eastwood’s first

Cool.

spaghetti Western was a remake of Akira Kurosawa’s samurai classic Yojimbo, right? Of course you did- you’re a Videoport customer after all, and therefore awesome. But did you know that Yojimbo was itself adapted from the American novel Red Harvest by none other that Dashiell Hammet (author of The Maltese Falcon and The Thin Man)? What? You knew that, too, huh? Well, Mr./Ms. Smartypants, then why not take both of these great action classics home and do some filmgeek compare and contrastin.’ For example, whose ‘man with no name’ is a bigger badass as he pits two evil warring families against each other and makes off with it all in the end? (I say Toshiro

The coolest.

Mifune.) And who’s the better director of action sequences, Kurosawa or Sergio Leone? (It’s Kurosawa.) And which film is better overall? (I think you can guess where I’m going with this one…) Well, I will say that Fistful‘s got the cooler theme music (courtesy of the legendary Ennio Morricone), so that’s something. Oh, and of course you could substitute the 1996 Bruce Willis double remake Last Man Standing for either of these; you know, if you don’t want to watch a good movie…

Wacky and Worldly Wednesday. (Get one free rental from the Comedy or Foreign Language sections with your paid rental…OR…get 4 movies for 7 days for 7 bucks!)

>>> Dennis suggests diving, chest-deep, into the cinematic world of John Waters!Thanks to Videoport’s eternally-benevolent owner Bill, we Video-drones went to see the legendary cult director and all-around Videoport god (someone called him “the patron saint of Videoport”) at the State Theatre on Sunday and we could not have been more happy about it. Ever-natty in a pink velvet suit, Waters presented his version of a Christmas show, mixing holiday reminiscences, gift ideas, his lust for Justin Bieber and

Rosa, John and Sam.

Alvin the chipmunk, anecdotes about his movies (and longtime muse Divine), and holiday-specific new sexual practices (we’re not going to explain “the snowman,” so don’t ask.) Even better was the second part of the show, when Waters fielded questions from the packed house (led off, with characteristic intrepidity, by our own Piehead), allowing him some more freedom to show off the genial Baltimore gentleman he remains, all the while saying the most fearlessly, gleefully-filthy things. Afterwards (again thanks to Bill), we got to meet the man himself as he graciously signed autographs, took pictures, and even blessed the baby bump of former Videoporter Dennis2′s lovely wife Alex. He said nice things about Videoport, too, and was duly impressed by a picture of our doors, which sport wrought-iron likenesses of Faster Pussycat Kill! Kill! (his favorite movie) and, of course, Divine. It was pretty much how you want a meeting with one of your heroes to go. So why not bask in the warm, hilarious, filthy, outrageous world of Waters with these Videoport-recommended rentals:

-Mondo Trasho (in Incredibly Strange)

-Multiple Maniacs (in Incredibly Strange)

-Pink Flamingos (in Incredibly Strange-in fact, Pink Flamingosis pretty much why the Incredibly Strange

Haven't seen it? Not a Videoporter.

section was invented)

-Female Trouble (in Incredibly Strange)

-Desperate Living (in Incredibly Strange)

-Polyester (in Incredibly Strange)

-Hairspray (the original, not the musical, in Comedy)

-Cry-Baby (in Comedy)

-Serial Mom (in Comedy)

-Pecker (in Incredibly Strange, back where he belongs!)

-Cecil B. Demented (in Incredibly Strange)

-A Dirty Shame (in Incredibly Strange)

And also check out John Waters appearing in things like

-”Til Death Do Us Part’ (where Waters introduces reenactments of true tales of spousal murder, in Incredibly Strange)

-William S Burroughs: A Man Within (as a talking head in this documentary about Burroughs, in the Documentary Arts section)

-‘The Simpsons’ episode ‘Homer’s Phobia’- season 8, episode 15 (one of the best Simpsons eps ever, in Animation)

-Seed of Chucky (the only reason to watch Seed of Chucky, in Horror)

-The Junior Defenders (the narrator in this oddball movie about would-be superheroes, in Incredibly Strange)

-Sweet and Lowdown (in Drama- I would love to know what he and Woody Allen talked about; dammit, I forgot to ask him…)

Thrifty Thursday. (Get one free movie from any section with your paid rental.)

>>> Elsa S. Customer suggests some shows featuring the funniest actor you’ve probably never heard of. Andrew Daly is a master improv artist, an anchor performer for the legendary Upright Citizens Brigade, and a frequent guest on Scott Aukerman’s Comedy Bang Bang podcast. Check out Andy Daly’s side-splitting guest roles in more mainstream shows: as Terence Cutler in Season One of “Eastbound and Down,” as the Ben Franklin impersonator in “The Office” (Season Three, episode 14), and as Brad the Friendly Homeowner in “Reno 911.” Of course, you can also see Mr. Daly in the live-improv DVD “Upright Citizens Brigade: Asssscat,” where his brilliance rivals that of more famous UCB alums Amy Poehler, Matt Besser, Matt Walsh, and Ian Roberts.

Free Kids Friday. (Get one free rental from the Children’s or Family sections, no other rental necessary).

>>> Dennis suggests that it’s never to early to introduce your kids to the films of John Waters! Wait, what’s that? You’ll be sent to jail, you say? Huh. Not a bad point. Well, maybe when they’re a little older. In the meantime, why not take a free movie from the kids section.

Having a Wild Weekend. (Rent two, get your third movie for free from any section on Saturday and Sunday.)

>>>For Saturday, Elsa S. Customer suggests an actor cross-over double-feature: “Dexter” (in Mystery/Thriller) and “Six Feet Under” (in Feature Drama.) OMG, you guys: David Fisher is KILLING PEOPLE to drum up business. (Kinda defeats the purpose that he deep-sixes the bodies, huh?)

>>>Dennis suggests Tucker and Dale vs. Evil (in Incredibly Strange.) Anyone who knows me (and for that I’m sorry) knows that I love Alan Tudyk. You might know him stealing scenes in stuff like Dodgeball, 28 Days, I Robot, Knocked Up, Death at a Funeral, ‘Dollhouse’ or ‘Arrested Development.’ You should know him from ‘Firefly’, Joss Whedon’s legendarily-brilliant (and even more legendarily-cancelled) sci fi TV series (and its big screen follow-up Serenity, which was just as good…and equally-ignored.) Regardless, I love the guy, so I was super-excited to see this horror comedy starring A.T. alongside ‘Reaper’‘s Tyler Labine as a pair of scrungy-but-harmless hillbillies who get mistaken for Texas Chainsaw Masscre-esque serial killers by some of the douchiest college kids around. It’s a funny idea for a genre switcheroo and, while the movie ain’t a horror/comedy classic (reviewers comparing it to the near-perfect Shaun of the Dead should really ask their mommy’s permission before using the computer), it’s got some big, gory laughs and a pair of very funny lead performances. (Female damsel-in-distress is played by the woman who plays Cerie on ’30 Rock,’ which explains why Cerie doesn’t get a lot of screen time.) Tudyk’s Tucker is the more confident and theoretically-capable of the two, and he takes most of the physical punishment, but it’s the perennially-Jack Black-y Labine who, surprisingly steals the show, toning down his usual bluster and making Dale’s burly vulnerability genuinely funny and touching. The two of them make a good comic team, and their stunned incredulity in the face of a series of inexplicable (to them) hilariously-violent accidents which they can’t but be blamed for is very funny.

>>>For Sunday, Andy suggests The Village (in Mystery/Thriller). Remember M. Night Shyamalan? What happened to him? He still makes movies, but… The Last Airbender? That’s not the M. Night I remember. I’ve been re-watching some of his movies lately. Signs completely holds up, and The Happening is better than it seemed back in 2008. But the biggest surprise was The Village, Shyamalan’s 2004 disappointment. I’m considering re-classifying it as one of his good ones. Of course, the dialogue is painfully corny, the performances stiff, and the “twist” obvious from the start. But! This is the director’s best looking, most beautifully filmed (by Roger Deakins) movie. And that’s saying something, since Shyamalan regularly works with the best cinematographers in the business, and always carefully designs his shots. The Village also benefits from an affecting performance by Bryce Dallas Howard. Her character’s devotion to Joaquin Phoenix’s character always rings true, which is especially impressive given the terrible dialogue she’s burdened with. Howard provides the movie’s beating heart, and even a deeply flawed movie can work if it has a heart. That’s the one thing The Village has over Unbreakable, M. Night’s otherwise far superior 2000 film.

New Releases this week at Videoport: Kung Fu Panda 2 (Jack Black’s back as the roly-poly endangered protagonist in this animated comedy about a punchy-kicky panda), Rise of the Planet of the Apes (James Franco monkeys around with ape brains [you know- for science!], causing the titular ape-y uprising in this remake/reboot-type thing; MONKEY ATTACK!!!), ‘Family Guy’- volume 9(I was going to make a joke about this inexplicably-still-existing animated show, but a random pop culture reference got

Dr. Who vs. the Vampires!

in the way; look- a naked Kardashian! Fart noise!), Fright Night (while it’s usually wise to avoid all remakes [especially horror remakes], this one, about a teenager who suspects his new neighbor is a vampire and enlists the help of his show-biz idol to kill it, is actually very solid, with a smart script from ‘Buffy’ writer Marti Noxon and a good cast [David Tennant, Colin Farrell, Anton Yelchin, McLovin]), Around a Small Mountain (from 84 year old French auteur Jacques Rivette [La Belle Noiseuse] comes this charming romance about a former circus performer’s chance encounters with an Italian traveller who keep meeting by chance), The Love We Make (documentary about Paul McCartney’s preparations to appear in the Concert for New York, post-9/11 fundraiser), ‘The Life and Times of Tim’- season 2 (slyly-funny little HBO animated show about a genially-snarky guy who finds himself embroiled in various, ‘Curb Your Enthusiasm’- style predicaments), Daddy Longlegs (oddball, charming indie about a divorced father whose attempts to create a perfect, fairy-tale two weeks for his visiting sons are complicated by his own eccentricities), Circumstance (an Iranian family finds its safety threatened by the adolescent sexual rebellions of its children in this gripping drama), The Smell of Success (the new film from the Polish Brothers [Twin Falls Idaho, Northfork, Jackpot, The Astronaut Farmer] features Billy Bob Thornton, Kyle McLachlan, and Ed Helms as competing 1960s manure salesmen), Tanner Hall (Rooney Mara [star of the upcoming American remake of The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo] is the main draw in this coming-of-age story set in an exclusive all-girls private school), How Beer Saved the World (from those drunks at the Discovery Channel comes this series explaining the vital role beer has played in the development of civilization), Detective Dee and the Mystery of the Phantom Flame (some serious star power [director Tsui Hark, stars Tony Leung and Andy Lau] promise great things from this cool-looking martial arts flick about an exiled sleuth brought back to uncover the plot behind an Empress’ inauguration), Main Street (a good cast [Colin Firth, Ellen Burstyn, Patricia Clarkson, Orlando Bloom] star in this indie about a small Southern town’s reaction to a mysterious stranger’s plan to revitalize things; written by Horton Foote [Tender Mercies, The Trip to Bountiful]), The King and the Clown (acclaimed Korean thriller about a pair of clowns whose satirical play causes them to be brought before the king; there, they will be executed, unless they can make the king laugh.)

New Arrivals on Blu Ray this week at Videoport: Rise of the Planet of the Apes, Fright Night, ‘Dexter’- season 5, ‘Portlandia’- season 1.

Videoport = The Best Gifts for Movie Lovers

We know, we know- it’s getting rather late in the day, shall we say, but Videoport’s still the place for up-to-the-last-second gifts for the movie fans on your holiday list. You’ve always got the Videoport Gift Certificates, of course. And we’ve got lots of new and previously-viewed (and therefore cheaper) DVDs in stock. (If it’s gotten too late to special order what you need in time for the big day, we’ll issue you an attractive gift certificate card which the lucky so-and-so can redeem when their movie arrives.) Also, as time marches on, so the VHS movie is headed the way of the Betamax, so check the sale bin for some really great movies on tape for super-cheap (there’s a lot for great foreign stuff in there right now- don’t panic, we’ve still got ‘em on DVD.) And remember that for every movie you buy from Videoport, we give you a free rental for yourself; think of it as a reward for being so darned generous.

Free Money at Videoport!

Stretch your entertainment dollar with these super-cool Videoport payment deals. $20 buys you $25 of rental credit, while $30 buys you a sweet $40 in rental credit. Free money- that’s what that is…

Write for the VideoReport!

Send your movie and tv reviews to us at denmn@hotmail.com or our Facebook page “Videoport Jones.” We’re looking for all the film nerds, movie geeks, and DVDiots in Videoportland to share their favorites with the world!

VideoReport #276

Volume CCLXXVI- The Shopocalypse Begins

For the Week of 11/30/10

Videoport doesn’t want to panic you or anything, but December starts tomorrow. Yikes. Well, a Videoport Gift Certificate is just the thing to get your holiday shopping just over and done with.

Middle Aisle Monday. (Get one free rental from the Sci-Fi, Horror, Incredibly Strange, Mystery/Thriller, Animation or Staff Picks sections with your paid rental.)

>>>Videoport customer Jenny A suggests Make-Out With Violence (in Incredibly Strange.) Make-Out With Violence asks whether unrequited love gets a second chance — when the girl returns from the dead. A quirky melange of the zombie/horror and teen comedy genres, this no-budget but good-looking little film will surely find a cultish niche. There’s only one corpse, so this isn’t a true zombie flick in that canon, nor should it be dubbed ‘zombie mumblecore’ – whatever that means. A beautiful, slowly rotting, reanimated corpse re-enters the summer romance dynamic between a tight-knit group of high school friends. Fraternal twins and their younger brother decide to hide the once-missing but now zombiefied Wendy, leaving the rest of their small Tennessee town to mourn her. Quickly the plan goes awry as one besotted twin takes a heightened interest in Wendy’s care and grooming as she decomposes. Decent acting and screen presence from the unknown leads; the corpse actress trained with a choreographer, and her jerky, pitiful, painful movements are something to behold, no VFX here. Rather tame on the horror front; very little guts/gore, no nudity; a few gruesome scenes are tempered by twisted humor. From ‘The Fugitive Brain’ (behind the scenes bonus footage), we learn that the film’s tight friendships mirror the film-makers’: high school friends growing up outside of Nashville (who call their troop “Deagol Brothers”), they began with little film-making experience, volunteering summers and eventually years to finish this project. In light of such constraints, the underwater cinematography is especially impressive, and the undead makeup excellent. The soundtrack is a standout, featuring the film-makers as well, who formed a band to fundraise. Extra points that one character wears an “I’ve Got Moxie” t-shirt in a scene. Woot! One of those slight, strange gems that works as a whole, a true indie, and a hit on the festival circuit. It’s *very* Videoport ‘Incredibly Strange’!

Tough and Triassic Tuesday. (Get one free rental from the Action or Classics sections with your paid rental.)

>>> Andy suggests Dark Passage (in Mystery/Thriller.) It’s another edition of Andy’s Noir Cor-noir! Vincent Parry (Humphrey Bogart), wrongly convicted of murder, escapes from prison and very quickly three things happen: 1. He falls in love 2. He has his face surgically altered, and 3. People near to him start getting murdered. Dark Passage, the third on-screen pairing of Bogie and Lauren Bacall, is unusual for being partially shown from the point of view of the main character (like Lady in the Lake, but not as strict). Bogart’s face is not revealed until an hour into the movie. And when it is, it’s the only time in one of his movies that so much attention is given to the man’s unusual physical appearance. Since the movie gets pretty conventional from there, it all seems like a lot of trouble (clever camera angles and lighting) with no real payoff. After all, everybody already knows what Bogart looks like, so there’s no surprise element there. Still, Dark Passage is a pretty entertaining movie, even if it’s not a by-the-numbers noir film. It may be a black and white crime movie from 1947, but the closest thing it has to a femme fatale is Agnes Moorehead!

Wacky and Worldly Wednesday. (Get one free rental from the Comedy or Foreign Language sections with your paid rental.)

>>>Dennis suggests you take advantage of the new Wednesday Rental Special (4 movies, 7 days, 7 bucks) in order to feed your TV addiction. Newfangled cable series like ‘Dexter’, ‘Mad Men’ ‘Weeds’, ‘Breaking Bad’, ‘Party Down’, ‘It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia’, and the like generally have shorter seasons, meaning you can rent an entire year’s output of each on four, or even fewer discs. That means you can come in on a Wednesday, grab a an entire season or more of your favorite show, plunk down seven bucks and then plow through it all at your leisure over the course of an entire week. That’s what I’d do…

Thrifty Thursday. (Get one free movie from any section with your paid rental.)

>>> Dennis suggests Best Worst Movie (in Documentary Arts.) Made by the now-grown child star of Troll 2, current trending contender for the not-coveted ‘worst movie ever’ crown, this documentary tracks down the stars, writer, and director of that truly, really, genuinely dreadful 1990 horror flick and is easily 70,000 times more enjoyable that its subject. Some of the actors (most from the Provo, Utah area) have stayed in the business, but most are just folks now, balancing pride in having been in a movie at all with embarrassment whenever someone actually watches the thing. Especially appealing is George Hardy, the then and present dentist who played the father; he’s unceasingly friendly, cheerful and well-adjusted (although possessed of that particularly-relentless brand of Southern, toothy heartiness that makes me afraid that someone’s about to try to convert me to born-again Christianity), and it’s genuinely touching to watch him embrace his newfound cult fame, traveling to far off Troll 2 screenings and being gushed over by fans. In fact, everyone involved in the project seems to be dealing with their affectionate ignominy pretty well, with the exception of the Italian husband and wife writer/director team, a dour and irascible pair whose self-serious belief that their film was, and remains, a success arouses a mixed reaction of pity, annoyance, and the bewildered suspicion that they must be putting us on (she maintains that Troll 2 is a serious attack on vegetarianism?!) All in all, its a fun, affectionate look at the phenomenon of how a film becomes a cult object, and the thought that the bad movie aficionados are making fun of those involved is largely deflected by the ample evidence that the drunk hipsters turning out by the hundreds to meet and worship their so-bad-it’s-good heroes really do love them. Except that Italian couple…who may, in fact, be insane.

Free Kids Friday. (Get one free rental from the Children’s or Family sections, no other rental necessary).

>>>Dennis suggests that teaching your kids responsible DVD handling now will prevent them from getting into that whole ‘sexting’ thing that I read about in Newsweek…

Having a Wild Weekend. (Rent two, get your third movie for free from any section on Saturday and Sunday.)

>>>For Saturday, Dennis suggests ‘Dollhouse’ (in Sci Fi/Fantasy.) Wait, no I don’t. Wait, yes I do. Aaaarg. This is the sound of a worshipful fan trying to reconcile his idolatry with a disappointing effort from his hero. That hero is, of course, Joss Whedon who created ‘Buffy the Vampire Slayer‘ (and let’s all band together to stamp out this new, Joss-less Buffy reboot, please), ‘Angel’, ‘Firefly, Serenity, Dr. Horrible’s Singalong Blog, and other things which have made the world a better place. And this is his first big misstep. (I feel like a blasphemer just typing those words.) I put off seeing this series (a sci fi concept where a secret agency can mind-wipe agents and then imprint abilities and

Joss and the people he had had unfounded confidence in.

personalities on them for missions, sexual assignations and the like on behalf of rich jerks) because, well, I’d heard it wasn’t very good and I didn’t want to feel bad. (That’s the same reason why I still haven’t watched The Darjeeling Limited.) What went wrong? Well, designed as a showcase for ‘Buffy’ alum Eliza Dushku, ‘Dollhouse’ is crippled immediately by the fact that Eliza’s not a very good actress. I loved her as troubled, badass Slayer Faith on ‘Buffy’ and ‘Angel’, but it was a pretty small skill set she employed there and ‘Dollhouse’ shows she hasn’t got many more tools in the box; her role (as the etch-a-sketch-brained ‘doll’ who seems to be retaining more and more of her memories) is designed for someone versatile, able to play a new, vastly different character every week, all the while hinting at undercurrents of hidden feeling and meaning. That’s not Eliza’s forte. Also, the show starts off very weakly, with a pair of low-rent episodes right off the bat (a Most Dangerous Game deal and a turn with her as a singer’s backup dancer?!) that take the whole premise down into USA network territory, and it takes things a while to recover. Which they never completely do, thanks to the central miscasting, some shaky writing (Joss’ brother and sister-in-law had more input in the beginning, and Joss came on, too late, to right things), and a truly lame second lead from Tamoh Penikett as the dogged FBi agent on the trail of the Dollhouse. People loved the guy on ‘Battlestar Galactica’ (he was Helo), but here, he is a total nothing; look at the scene (SPOILER!) where he discovers that someone close to him is actually a doll sent to spy on him- that is some seriously anticlimactic non-acting in what should be a huge dramatic moment. I dunno- the show does pick up (I’m only at the close of season 1), with some compelling work from Harry Lennix, the lovely, steely Olivia Williams, personal crush Amy Acker (Fred from ‘Angel’), and some solid guest stars (Patton Oswalt, Alan Tudyk), but the whole enterprise just smacks of unrealized potential. I can make all the excuses for my hero, god, and savior Joss on this one, but the truth remains that ‘Dollhouse’ is his first failure. I humbly apologize, my Lord.

>>>For Sunday, Videoport customer Mark Magee suggests The Abyss (in Sci Fi/Fantasy.) This has become my favorite James Cameron film. It’s a perfect blend of sci-fi, action, suspense, love story and social commentary. I did not see this when it was released in theaters and from what i’ve read, this expanded/special edition version is better than the theatrical version. The plot deals with a diving team recruited to find a lost nuclear sub — during their search they encounter loose cannon military men, a hurricane and potential deadly tidal wave and a strange alien underwater race. Although the special FX are the true star of the film (truly groundbreaking computer FX that changed the business forever), the script and cast are equally good. Ed Harris and Mary Elizabeth Mastrantonio are excellent as the divorced couple forced to work together and realize they still have strong feelings for one another. A scene where they are stuck in a damaged sub contemplating what to do next is suspenseful and very moving. The bonus material is also very good — this film was a huge undertaking and the special features go into great detail how it was done, including the incredible underwater photography. Twenty years after it’s release, the film still holds up. A great adventure film for the whole family.

New Releases this week at Videoport: Cairo Time (the luminously-talented Patricia Clarkson stars as the wife of an American diplomat who, stranded in the titular city, forms a warm attraction to her husband’s friend ['Deep Space 9''s Alexander Siddig] who’s showing her the sights), The Sorcerer’s Apprentice (Nicholas Cage dons yet another abominable wig and overacts like a drunk monkey in this action fantasy where he trains his titular lackey ['Undeclared''s Jay Baruchel] to fight evil), Knight and Day (Tom Cruise and Cameron Diaz twinkle and dimple as a couple on the run, with the motorcycle chases and the explosions and the shooting; according to Videoport’s Sam, “If you’re Videoport’s Andy, you’ll love it!”, so take that for what it’s worth…), Vampires Suck (and so do Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer, the humor antichrists behind the worst comedies in movie history Meet the Spartans, Date Movie, Disaster Movie, Epic Movie, and this presumably-soul-corrodingly-lame take on Twilight; here’s a tip guys- simply referencing something from another movie is not, by definition, a joke), ‘Parks and Recreation’- season 2 (Amy Poehler’s very funny

Insane and awesome...

sitcom from the makers of ‘The Office’ is back, this time adding comedy all-stars Adam Scott, Louis CK, and Rob Lowe to the improv-y mix), Waking Sleeping Beauty (Disney was in a slump [I'm looking at you The Aristocats and Robin Hood] until a new group took over and kicked the once-revered studio into high gear with The Little Mermaid, Beauty and the Beast, and Aladdin, etc; such is the story of this documentary), Going the Distance (real-life sometimes snugglebunnies Drew Barrymore and Justin Long play onscreen snugglebunnies forced to try and make a long-distance relationship work in this romantic comedy costarring ‘It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia’‘s Charlie Day), The Boys- The Sherman Brothers Story (more Disney propaganda this week, with a documentary about the beloved, yet eternally-feuding brothers who penned such dubiously-enduring Disney hits as “Supercalifragilistic-expialidocous”), Walt & El Grupo (man, the Disney corporation is just carpetbombing us this week…this documentary’s about Uncle Walt and a gaggle of animators sent on a government mission to South America to foster goodwill in the early days of WWII), Valhalla Rising (Mads Mikkelsen [Casino Royale, Flame and Citron, After the Wedding] brings his creepy intensity, and some buffed-out abs, to this raw action film about a scarred warrior dealing with Vikings; would make a great barbarian double feature with the recent Centurion…), The Special Relationship (Michael Sheen continues his cottage industry of impersonating former British prime minister Tony Blair, this time alongside a grinny Dennis Quaid as Bill Clinton), The Sicilian Girl (true story about the titular Italian lass who, when she had the nerve to go to the police just because the Mafia had killed pretty much all her male relatives, was singled out to be rubbed out; I’ll say it again, the Mafia are jerks…), The Price of Pleasure (documentary examining the growth of more ‘extreme’ pornography and the social and economic factors driving it; spoiler alert! the filmmakers are against it), Bear City (Videoport’s Pride section gets a little cuddlier with this romantic comedy about the bigger, hairier, burlier segment of the gay

This is Big Papi. He will be featured in this. Trust me.

community), ‘Baseball’- the 10th Inning (Ken Burns’ encyclopedic examination of all things baseball continues in this installment which takes up up through the present day; Red Sox fans, your day has come…)

New Arrivals this week at Videoport: Fantasia, Fantasia 2000, and Beauty and the Beast (from Wikipedia: “The “Disney Vault” is the term used by Walt Disney Studios Home Entertainment for its policy of putting home video releases of Walt Disney Animation Studios’s animated features on moratorium. Each Disney film is available for purchase for a limited time, after which it is put “in the vault” and not made available in stores for several years until it is once again released.” This policy is the most evil, money-grubbing nonsense ever, and Videoport has swallowed hard and played ball, purchasing new copies of these recently-unvaulted Disney films for you and yours…), Breaking Up (early film of both Russell Crowe and Salma Hayak as a pair of on-again-off-again, yet consistently-gorgeous lovers), Iron Will (look for this tale of a young dogsledding enthusiast and his favorite pup in the kids section), Simon Birch (this film, based on John Irving’s acclaimed novel A Prayer for Owen Meany, had to change its name when Irving complained about all the changes they made; that’s not necessarily a bad thing- I merely know that bit of trivia and want to show everyone how smart I am), ‘Murderland’- season 1 (Robbie Coltrane ['Cracker'] returns to BBC mystery series greatness in this one about a, well, murder, told from three different points of view), Mr. Cinema (this comic drama about a gentle film projectionist in Hong Kong has been compared to Cinema Paradiso, which as good a recommendation as I can think of…), Liverpool (Argentinian film about a lifelong sailor returning finally to his home in Tierra del Fuego).

New Arrivals on Blu-Ray this week at Videoport: The Sorcerer’s Apprentice, ‘Weeds’- seasons 1-5, ‘Dollhouse’- season 1, the entire Lord of the Rings trilogy, The Quick and the Dead, 1408, The Happening, Seven Swords, Dog Soldiers, Rescue Dawn, The Long Good Friday, Outlander, Killers, Angels & Demons, Paranormal Activity, The Curious Case of Benjamin Button.

Movie Review: Dr. Horrible’s Singalong Blog

For Saturday, Dennis suggests Dr. Horrible’s Singalong Blog (in Incredibly Strange).  From the egregiously-brilliant talents of Joss Whedon (‘Buffy’, ‘Angel’, ‘Firefly’, Serenity), comes this short (42 minute), oddball minimusical, originally broadcast on the intra-nets during the writer’s strike and now well worth a hundred rentals or so on the DVD. The tale of lovelorn, would-be supervillain Dr. Horrible (Neil Patrick Harris), Penny the naive do-gooder he loves from afar (Felicia Day), and the meathead superhero Captain Hammer (Nathan Fillion) who’s the Doctor’s arch-nemesis and romantic rival, this odd, utterly bewitching little masterpiece is, by turns, hilarious, heartbreaking, and full of fiendishly-clever and catchy songs that’ll worm their way into your head for days after. That’s a good thing, by the way. Harris is a complete revelation here; I mean, everybody loves the guy already, but his Dr. Horrible is one of the most fully rounded, complex characters I’ve seen in anything all year. Plus, the dude can sing! Day is touchingly, achingly earnest and vulnerable as the shared love interest, revealing shades (and a great set o’ pipes as well) that weren’t hinted at in her stint as one of the annoying potential slayers in ‘Buffy’‘s season 7. And Fillion (Captain Malcolm Reynolds from ‘Firefly’ of course) is absolutely hilarious as the boorish, Zapp Brannigan-esque Captain Hammer, who has the greatest entrance ever, and some of the most

Nathan sings a song in the commentary called 'Better than Neil.'

hilariously self-involved lyrics ever as well. Oh, and by the way, I HATE musicals and I love this. In fact, I’m watching it again right now as I write this. For about the tenth time. (Trust me, there are jokes and nuances you only get after the fifth viewing or so). And if you need another reason to rent this, Joss and the gang created another entire full-length musical commentary to overlay the thing when you’re done watching it which is equally hilarious.  If you aren’t renting this right now, you just don’t want to be happy…

Here’s just a little taste…

VideoReport #253

Volume CCLIII- Pat Garrett and Godzilla the Kid

For the Week of 6/22/10

Videoport has lots of new and previously-viewed DVDs (and tapes) for sale. Plus, we can order any DVD you want and you get a free movie for buying it from us (rather than some faceless, soulless internet chain we could mention). Double-plus, we don’t charge you shipping and we’re pretty sure you get into heaven for choosing us…

Middle Aisle Monday. (Get one free rental from the Sci-Fi, Horror, Incredibly Strange, Mystery/Thriller, Animation or Staff Picks sections with your paid rental.)

It gets waaay better than season one....

>>>JackieO suggests ‘Buffy the Vampire Slayer’ (in Horror). For a lot of people, many great things are rendered completely unenjoyable by their fans.  I’ve met a person who will never know the wonders of The Big Lebowski because after coworkers have quoted from it ad nasuem to him, he has no desire to have anything to do with it.  And through no fault of Bob Marley’s, I hate the man (sorry, the “legend”) and what I’m told is his good music due to the ubiquitous posters in college dorms, and fanboys who had just learned their first few chords on acoustic guitar singing “Redemption Song” complete with Jamaican accent.  Please.  Worst of all, I’m guilty of this backfiring of fanboy over-enthusiasm too.  My coworker Regan will probably never watch a frame of “Buffy the Vampire Slayer” because some years ago I used to say things to her like, “I can’t believe you don’t watch this show!”, or, “What’s your problem?”, and, “It’s so good!” which have a way of sounding like “Hey, dummy, what the hell? Why are you making such a stupid mistake, moron? Join my cult before I kill you, you idiot.”  I wish to apologize. Over the last couple weeks, I’ve been rewatching “Buffy”, and I must say, you naysayers have a point.  The first season is an even dozen episodes of cheap monster make-up, bad special effects, and overwrought high school drama delivered poorly by mostly inexperienced actors who seem to be slowly learning their craft as they go.  I felt so sorry for them all as I winced and groaned my way through those first three DVD’s.  At least the jokes where good. The cast, crew, and writers somehow got to keep their jobs after that mess, and the show quickly found its legs and its voice (and a noticeably bigger budget) in its second year.  Honestly, I don’t know why you would tough it out for those first twelve episodes, but if you do you will be rewarded with a well-executed, better acted, clearer vision of a promising idea.  And Spike.  Spike comes along in season two.  I can’t believe you don’t watch this show!

Tough and Triassic Tuesday. (Get one free rental from the Action or Classics sections with your paid rental.)

>>> Elsa S. Customer suggests Sweet Charity (in Musicals). Can the sordid, flippantly-told story of a dancehall floozy’s exploitation and blindly persistent optimism be adorable? If it can, this is it. Shirley MacLaine cuts loose as the adorable gamine whose innate good cheer and hopeful nature haven’t yet been snuffed out by the sad, seedy work. MacLaine has the perfect combination of sweet and saucy for the part, making the most of Neil Simon’s screenplay. Perhaps my favorite sequence is “Hey, Big Spender,” a fantastic use of director Bob Fosse’s trademark provocative choreography. In this number, the roster of desperate, dead-eyed dime dancers (notably including Chita Rivera) flatly spiel out their rote come-ons to a promising john, offering him “some fun” in a tone that promises nothing but the dreary satisfaction of an appetite. They writhe and undulate invitingly, but all the while their faces remain as impassive and blank as automatons. It’s an appalling and viciously effective counterpoint to Charity’s dogged high spirits.

Wacky and Worldly Wednesday. (Get one free rental from the Comedy or Foreign Language sections with your paid rental.)

>>> Dennis suggests World’s Greatest Dad (in Comedy). Bobcat Goldthwait and Robin Williams. If you rolled your eyes a little there, maybe I can’t blame you. The Bobcat (although his gimmicky early standup was a lot smarter than its reputation) quickly became a laughingstock (Hot to Trot, anyone?).

We'll show them...we'll show them all...

And Williams…after too many inane comedies and mawkish dramas to mention (not to mention a standup/interview persona so self-impressed, so manically-self-indulgent) that I’ve been saving a smack to the head with his name on it since Bicentennial Man. But Goldthwait has directed Shakes the Clown and Sleeping Dogs Lie, two utterly-weird and genuinely affecting/effective films before and, well, Williams can be very good indeed, when he has a good director to rein him in and keep him focused. And now, with World’s Greatest Dad, he has not only created one of the best comedies of last year, he’s announced himself as a significant American director and reminded us that Williams is a damned fine actor under all the nonsense. Williams plays a decent, schlubby high school teacher and single dad to the worst, most hateful little teenaged creep I’ve ever seen (played with unpleasant believability by the little guy from the Spy Kids movies). Even though he’s perpetually put-upon, Williams’ dad tries ceaselessly to reach his sweaty, mean, dim-witted, internet-porn-addicted offspring until…well, that’s the thing. I won’t say any more about the plot (which is a handicap in trying to get you to see it, but, well…). I will say that the movie takes unexpected turns, and takes incredible chances with the audience’s sympathies, and it pulls them all off with a satirical aplomb. The impressionability of teenagers, knee-jerk reactionariness of people in general, the quest for fame, and good old American dumbness all get taken out for a ride, but the whole enterprise is grounded in an ultimately humanistic and clever script (by the Bobcat), and a revelatory, moving central performance (from Williams). Not bad for a couple of laughingstocks.

>>>Regan suggests Rancho Deluxe (in Comedy). Cussin’ and f***in’, and Harry Dean Stanton? Yes please!

Thrifty Thursday. (Get one free movie from any section with your paid rental.)

>>>Dennis suggests The Family That Eats Soil (in Incredibly Strange). Let me explain… This movie is repellant. An amateurish, violent, sexually nasty, ramshackle, annoying, entirely gross excuse for a movie from the Philippines, and yet, I’m putting my name on it. I’m recommending it. Have I gone mad? Am I just a creep? Maybe. The movie starts with a claymation (actually more like play-doh-mation) graphic depiction of a rape and murder that’s equal parts juvenile, offensive, and satirically-

You probably don't want to see this.

on-target, then shifts to a series of vignettes, each more unpleasant than the next, about the titular family who, in between meals of, yes, dirt, play out their individual tales of infidelity, brutality, actual cockfighting, a midget in a diaper, and general awfulness, all shot on truly hideous-looking video (and not digital video either.) Man. So what in the name of the film geek gods am I doing recommending you actually watch this freakshow? Well, first of all, it’s a freakshow- do I have to paint you a picture? And second, the director, an underground phenom in the Philippines, actually has some method to his willfully-gross madness. Take the explicit sequence where the family’s teen sister, naked on all fours, pantomimes being raped by an invisible assailant, pleading and berating her attacker (and then, in a later sequence, having an inner monologue wondering which of her relatives has fathered her secret baby, or the hallucinatory further sequence where she is gang-accosted by masked figures and defiled, etc)- yeah, it’s awful and sordid, but damned if it’s not also affecting, saying something about the victimization of Filipino women by men (like the opening succession of claymation a-holes, each more militaristic and brutal than the last). And there’s actually some wit in the faux subtitling of the family’s mom’s lurid talk show, where her voiceover narration about the drug and sex trades in the Philippines becomes a mocking indictment of her own sensationalism and hypocrisy. Alternately (or simultaneously) revolting, confusing, dull, and kind of clever, the movie portrays a world where no one and nothing is free from degradation, humiliation, and pain. The reviews on the DVD box compare this movie to Takashi Miike’s Visitor Q which, in a previous VideoReport, I called the most disturbing movie I’d seen at that time. The Family That Eats Soil isn’t quite in that league, but I get the comparison: each director is using the family unit to embody the worst, most hidden and ugly truths about the human condition. And this one, in its grungy, third-world awfulness, may even be more unnerving. Find it in the Incredibly Strange section, if you’re feeling disreputable…

Free Kids Friday. (Get one free rental from the Children’s or Family sections, no other rental necessary).

>>> Dennis suggests allowing your young, constitutionally-irresponsible children to handle our DVDs all unsupervised and stuff…oh, wait- that’s something only a terrible parent would do. Forget I mentioned anything…

Having a Wild Weekend. (Rent two, get your third movie for free from any section on Saturday and Sunday.)

>>>For Saturday, Regan suggests We’re No Angels (in Classics). I know all the lyrics to the song ‘Sisters’ from White Christmas. Why? Because. My mother made sure to brainwash me with this film from a very young age. And with that came We’re No Angels. I’m sure by my first viewing, I was

Regan loves this...so should you.

shouting NO! NO! N-N-N-NOOO!! But I imagine a big part of being a parent is the power or the joy in forcing your offspring to do things they really don’t want to, whether it be sticking Trivial Pursuit pieces up your nose or watching old movies. I have photos of the former. Yeah, so this movie’s a riot. A dry riot. Humphrey, of course, is f***ing cool, but Aldo Ray and Peter Ustinov really-are-darling. So adorable I want to punch their faces, because if I crush the adorableness, I will feel like more of a man. What? Forget it. Um…oh yeah, and the uncle is such a turd breeze! Like major douche miasma! So listen to your mother. Clean your ears. Watch old movies. Don’t backwash into soda bottles. And clean your a-hole real good. You’re welcome.

>>>For Sunday, Elsa S. Customer suggests The Stepfather (in Horror). Jerry Blake is a jovial, easy-going fellow with a modest but handsome home, a lovely wife, a booming business, and a dark secret. “Jerry” is a madman, a man obsessed with the bland, impossible perfection of happy home, a man motivated by the unending search for a brand of happiness never seen outside a Hallmark ad. He courts single mothers, endears himself (more or less) to their kids, and establishes himself as the idealized father figure he

You will NOT leave the hatch cover open!

desperately longs to be. But family life is rarely perfect, and Jerry cannot tolerate imperfection; when the inevitable stresses of life with children or teenagers arise, so do Jerry’s inner demons. In his search for perfection, he’s left a trail of murdered families and bloodied, smashed midsized homes in his wake. This sounds like the stuff of a shoddy Lifetime movie-of-the-week, somehow simultaneously boring and sensationalistic… and it should be. It would be, but for the compelling performance of Terry O’Quinn (Lost, Millenium, Alias). O’Quinn’s layered, intelligent portrayal shows Jerry as an amiable everyman who believes in deceptively simple values, who thinks that attitude and elbow grease can make a home perfect, who would use phrases like “elbow grease” and “stick-to-it-iveness.” Even the most shocking moments are enriched by his portrayal of Jerry as a cheerfully determined man with modest aspirations, the kind of can-do guy who doesn’t let circumstances get him down, goshdarnit. Even in The Stepfather‘s grimmest moments, it’s hard not to feel a grudging admiration for Jerry’s pluck. And this is the sly wit of the movie: it’s a subtle attack on the supposedly strong “family values” faction of Reaganite America. In most formula horror movies, and especially the slasher films of the 1980s that formed The Stepfather‘s milieu and matrix, violence is triggered in part by the unleashed sexuality and hedonism of the victims. In The Stepfather, the sexuality of both mother and stepdaughter (Shelley Hack and Jill Schoelen) is presented as perfectly normal and healthy, in no way threatening or perverse; it’s Jerry’s reaction to the norm that is perverse. Jerry is driven by an obsessive need to preserve his limited sense of perfection and purity, to preserve the patriarchy at all costs, to defend his rigidly narrow views about old-fashioned values and the sanctity of the family.

New Releases this week at Videoport: The Last Station (because Videoport customers are awesome, this period piece about the last days of Tolstoy starring Christopher Plummer and Helen Mirren has been the most requested and anticipated movie of the week; we love you guys…), ‘Entourage’- season 6 (rich actor and his sponging friends series reaches its conclusion ), Remember Me (wan vampire lad Robert Pattinson stars in this sappy romance with a twist ending designed to manufacture tears [or righteous indignation, depending]; still, the Videoport spoiler policy remains in effect- regardless of your opinion of this, or any, movie, revealing a film’s ending results in immediate, ignominious expulsion from the store. No one who respects movies EVER spoils an ending for someone else…), Green Zone (Matt Damon reteams with Bourne director Paul Greengrass in this action-packed, righteously-indignant alternate history thriller where the first team sent searching for WMD’s in Iraq finds the truth [that the Bush administration was lying in order to whip a gullible, sheeplike public into war frenzy, thus condemning thousands to die for no reason] and comes out asking WTF?!?), She’s Out of My League (Judd Apatow discovery Jay Baruschel ['Undeclared', Knocked Up] tries to emulate the post-Apatow success of the likes of Jason Segel, Jonah Hill, and Seth Rogan with this romantic comedy about, well, you read the title…), ‘Hung’- season 1 (former Videoporter Jeremy [who writes the hilarious Videoport ads in the Phoenix] described this best as “that show where Thomas Jane has the big dink”), Lewis Black: Stark Raving Black (former Daily Show correspondent and professional yeller Black brings you his new comedy special), The Good Guy (the younger Gilmore Girl has to choose between two fellas in this romantic comedy of pretty people).

New Arrivals this week at Videoport: Clan of the Cave Bear (personal hero John Sayles occasionally does script work on super lame Hollywood movies in order to finance his indie masterpieces (like Lone Star, Matewan, The Brother from Another Planet, etc); why do I mention that in conjunction with this laughable caveman flick starring a laughably-prim and pretty Daryl Hannah? No reason…), The Family That Eats Soil (check out Thursday’s review…if you dare…), Red Desert (who brought you this pristine edition of Michelangelo Antonioni’s first, gorgeous color film? Videoport and the Criterion Collection, that’s who…), Bluebeard (French provocateuse Catherine Breillat [Fat Girl, The Anatomy of Hell, Romance] brings out this typically-button-pushing adaptation of the legend of the infamously-wife-chopping aristocrat), War Dogs: America’s Forgotten Heroes (Martin Sheen narrates this documentary about the brave puppies who in no way just did what they were trained and ordered to do in hopes of getting a cookie after, but instead fought for the American values they believed in so strongly), The Maid (Chilean drama about the struggles of a family’s devoted, decades-long servant to discover herself when faced with unemployment).

New Arrivals on Blu-Ray this week at Videoport: She’s Out of My League, The Last Station, Green Zone.

VideoReport #239

Volume CCXXXIX- Dr. Seizure’s 3-D House of Flashing Lights…the IMAX Experience!

For the Week of 3/16/10

Videoport gives you a free movie every day, gives you free money (with our fantastic savings plans, ask us how!), has the best selection, prices, and customer service of any video store anywhere, and will even get you free parking. Awesome? Us? We’re just doing our job, ma’am…

Middle Aisle Monday. (Get one free rental from the Sci-Fi, Horror, Incredibly Strange, Mystery/Thriller, Animation or Staff Picks sections with your paid rental.)

>>> April brings you an all-Incredibly Strange edition of April’s VHS Corner! This week on the VHS Corner, I wandered into the Incredibly Strange section of Videoport and found some incredibly awesome movies you’ll find only on VHS! Some of them may have been available on DVD at one point in time, but are now out of print in that format. Go VHS!

The Addiction. Looking for an artsy black and white vampire movie that’s all talky and not really bloody or scary? Try The Addiction, with Lily Taylor, Christopher Walken, and Annabella Sciorra. A mid-90s fiasco directed by Abel Ferrara. Now it may sound like I don’t like this movie, but I do. I enjoy it for its attempt at being something different.

Brave. Directed by Johnny Depp! Also starring a very, um, interesting Marlon Brando.

Dust off your VCR...Videoport's got it.

The back cover says, Desperate man agrees to be tortured and killed in a gruesome death for a $50,000 settlement to his family.” Yep. The desperate man is Johnny Depp playing an alcoholic Native American. Brando is the guy who makes him the offer. I’m not really sure why this hasn’t been available on DVD. It’s a pretty good film.

Half-Cocked. Another black and white indie film. No vampires or actors whose named you’d know this time. Just a bunch of mid 90s indie kids who steal a van and go on the road and sort-of form a band called Truckstop (it’s not that great a band). A great little film. I quite enjoyed it.

Tough and Triassic Tuesday. (Get one free rental from the Action or Classics sections with your paid rental.)

We love you Pam.

>>> April suggests Coffy* (in Action Adventure). Oh Pam Grier, how I love you. You are so awesome. How could you not love her blaxploitation/soul cinema movies from the 70′s. In Coffy, she’s a sexy nurse who fights drug dealers when she finds out her sister has been drugged up. Full of cool cars, cool clothes, and sexy, half-naked women, Coffy is tons of fun! Also, it’s got Sid Haig! “Now do I look like the kind of girl one man would be enough for?” You go Coffy!

*Editor’s note: for more exquisite Pammy goodness, check out Videoport’s collection including: The Big Doll House, Women in Cages, The Big Bird Cage, Twilight People, Black Mama White Mama, Foxy Brown, Sheba Baby, Friday Foster, Drum, Quentin Tarantino’s totally-awesome act of Pam-olatry Jackie Brown, and the recently acquired Bucktown! YOU NEED PAM!

Wacky and Worldly Wednesday. (Get one free rental from the Comedy or Foreign Language sections with your paid rental.)

>>> Dennis2/The Rage suggests The Chaser (in Assorted Asian Exploitation). A little over a year ago I wrote a friend of mine an e-mail about this movie. I had just seen it at a film festival, thought it was the best movie I had seen there and told him that I was really hoping Videoport would get this one. Now, if there’s one thing Videoport is all about, it is getting the awesomest Korean movies that nobody will ever rent for reasons that are beyond me. In its essence, the story is not complicated: The girls of an ex-cop pimp are mysteriously disappearing. He suspects one of his clients, who turns out to be a serial killer, after which the chase in the title ensues. The suspense doesn’t let down during almost the entire movie, supported by some scenes of matter-of-fact violence that always seems to linger in the air of most modern day Korean thrillers. The plot is straight-forward enough to be picked up by a major American studio, which has indeed already happened. But the movie is far from straight-forward, and at this point I’d like to quote a paragraph of that Ebert guy’s review of the movie: “What I responded to was the street-level reality. There are no supermen and no sensational stunts. When the actors run, we see that they are running. These shots extend in time and are not constructed after baffling editing. The spatial realities of the chases are respected; we begin to learn our way around the neighborhood. The cops are not stock characters but just your average officers. No one in “The Chaser” seems to be on autopilot. When I see a film like this, it reminds me of what we’re missing. [...] You sit there and “The Chaser” unfolds, and the director knows what he wants and how to do it without insulting us. In addition to remaking this movie, Hollywood should study it.” Ebert likes it, you like Ebert, you get this movie at Videoport. Straight-forward enough in my book.

Thrifty Thursday. (Get one free movie from any section with your paid rental.)

>>>Regan suggests ‘The O.C.’ (in Feature Drama) by presenting her ‘O.C.’ Rewatched Journal! This show…it just…makes me so…sad…eh…eh…and happy. Peter Gallagher’s eyebrows! Kirsten’s chardonnay! Seth’s wit! Ryan’s fists! Marissa’s iced tea! Summer’s wisdom! And Julie’s love…of Bob Seger! Well then, I’m going to go drink some akavit and listen to ‘Night Moves’. Holy mackerel! I forgot about Ryan cage fighting! Outrageous!

Free Kids Friday. (Get one free rental from the Children’s or Family sections, no other rental necessary).

>>> April suggests Beauty and the Beast. The Disney one with Robbie Benson and Angela Lansbury. Remember it? It’s my favorite Disney princess movie. I tried watching that new Disney princess movie The Princess and the Frog (which comes out this week), and it’s pretty awful. Yeah, yeah, it’s the first Disney African American princess, but that doesn’t mean it’s good. I watched about 45 minutes of it, and within 20 minutes I was reading a magazine while it played. But I’m sure your child will love it. Maybe I’m just too old for princess movies? Naw, I still love Beauty and the Beast.

Having a Wild Weekend. (Rent two, get your third movie for free from any section on Saturday and Sunday.)

>>>For Saturday, Dennis suggests Blind Date (in Feature Drama). This two-character chamber piece is the second film admirers have made based on scripts from Dutch art martyr Theo Van Gogh. You remember, Van Gogh was a filmmaker very few non Dutch-lers had ever heard of until a religious fundamentalist a-hole murdered him because he dared suggest that religious fundamentalists will do all manner of awful, crazy things if their fundamentalist god gets insulted. Yeah, nice rebuttal, fundamentalists. Anyway, this remake was written and directed by costar Stanley Tucci who, along with fellow indie drama all-star Patricia Clarkson. They play a troubled couple who, through the course of the film, play a series of roleplaying games where they answer a series of blind date personal ads; as they play out each scenario, we get hints of a deep, dark buried event in their past and see glimpses of the issues haunting their fragile marriage. It’s a neat little set up (there’s a little bit of Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf?, except you don’t hate the two protagonists), and a real actor’s playground for two talented pros. By turns funny and heartbreaking, this one’s worth a rent for anyone interested in just watching two great actors do their thing for 80 minutes.

>>>For Sunday, Dennis suggests Running Scared (in Action Adventure). I recently rewatched this 1986 buddy cop comedy action flick starring the unlikely duo of Gregory Hines and Billy Crystal. I remember seeing it in the theaters when I was, oh, seventeen, I guess, and loving it; I thought Crystal was hilarious, Hines was cool, the car chase on the EL tracks the equal to Bullitt, and the soundtrack rockin’ enough for me to buy it (on vinyl, natch’), and I was excited to see how it held up. Hoo boy. Upon further reflection, Crystal is still pretty funny (although possibly the least convincing cop in movie history; he’s so tiny!), the late Hines ever shall be cool, the car chase- eh, and the soundtrack…oh, holy crap (Michael McDonald?! Klymaxx?! New Edition?! Was I high?!). All in all it’s still pretty entertaining, although the cheese factor is higher than I remember (the faux Beverly Hills Cop, faux Harold Faltermeyer incidental music doesn’t help), and the mid-80′s cheerful fascist civil rights violations are perhaps less funny than I realized at the time (the lovely Mrs. Elsa S. Customer, who watched with me and who lived in Chicago at the time, sat in clench-jawed fury as our wacky hero pals pretended to tattoo ‘Born to Squeal’ on a reluctant informant’s face). The whole things smacks of ‘well, Eddie Murphy did the cop thing and made a kajillion dollars, so lets find another standup comic and strap a shoulder holster on him’, but Running Scared is kinda fun for all that. (I still get surprised when I remember that Gregory Hines is dead; dude was too cool…)

New Releases this week at Videoport: Broken Embraces (the new Pedro Almodovar movie! [For those who need more incentive than that, this is a moving, funny, sexy, mysterious melodrama starring the saucy Penelope Cruz]), The Fourth Kind (Milla Jovovich stars in this ‘based on a true story’ sci fi thriller about alien abductions in Alaska; I put ‘based on a true story’ in quotes only because alien abductions don’t exist except in liar and crazy people’s new agey fantasies, of course…), Wonderful World (Matthew Broderick stars in this indie drama about a bummed out failed musician made even more gloomy when his ultra-cool roommate [played by the suitably ultra-cool Michael K. Williams, who was Omar on 'The Wire'] gets sick; perhaps the roomie’s beautiful sister [Sanaa Lathan] can cheer him up…), Armored (check out the cast of this heist movie! Laurence Fishburne! Fred Ward! Matt Dillon! Jean Reno! Damn! Don’t let the fact that it’s essentially going right to DVD dim your enthusiasm! It’s probably okay!), ‘Breaking Bad’- season 2 (everybody’s favorite drug dealer TV parent [except maybe that lady on 'Weeds'] is back!), ‘Monk’- season 8 (the last season of the long-running comedy detective series starring USM’s pride Tony Shalhoub hits DVD), Ninja Assassin (it’s a CGI-heavy, ill-acted martial arts movie starring people who don’t know martial arts! Lot’s o’blood, though…), The Princess and the Frog (it’s the first Disney animated film with an African-American princess heroine! In 2010! A.D.! Sigh…), ‘South Park’- season 13 (still rudely funny after all these years…), Did You Hear About the Morgans? (Hugh Grant and Sarah Jessica Parker are a high-powered city couple sent to the wacky country after they witness a murder and have to go into hiding in this comedy which they’re trying to smuggle past us as if the classic Kirstie Alley/Tim Allen comedy For Richer or Poorer never even happened! Videoport does not have tht film, for some reason!), Brief Interviews With Hideous Men (‘The Office’‘s John Krasinski tries to prove he’s more than just another hunky, funny indie face with this comedy/drama based on the book by the late David Foster Wallace and starring pretty much every cool guy he ever met; he does a pretty good job…), Bandslam (spunky tweens from High School Musical, among other annoying places, form a rock band! I will smack you in the face if you put this on in my presence!), Astro Boy (this CGI animated sci-fi flick follows the adventures of the Bob’s Big Boy-look anime hero robot kid with rockets up his butt; Nicholas Cage lends a voice), Maria Bamford: Plan B (standup greatness from one of the weirdest and funniest ladies out there).

New Arrivals this week at Videoport: Four new episodes of the ever-hilarious ‘Mystery Science Theater 300′ hit the Incredibly Strange Section this week (The Beatniks, The Crawling Eye, The Blood Waters of Dr. Z, The Final Sacrifice), Spongebob Squarepants: The Last Stand (yup), ‘Wish Me Luck’- season 1 (this is some sort of TV series! Videoport owns it now! Details to come!), Universal Soldier (the original Dolph Lundgren, Jean Claude Van Damme action crap-fest comes to you on the DVD!), Suicide Girls Guide to Living (saucy hipster girls with pierced things! Yeah!), Rancho Deluxe (just in time to honor the Dude himself, Jeff Bridges’ Best Actor Oscar win, Videoport brings in this 70′s era comedy with Jeff and Sam Waterston as a pair of scroungy buddy cattle rustlers trying to get by), Bucktown (the ever-tingly Pam Grier [see April's Tuesday review for more details on her awesomeness] costars with fellow blaxploitation star Fred Williamson [who gives some people tingles as well] in this 1975 action flick), North Dallas Forty (Nick Nolte stars as a broken down wide receiver doing everything possible to stay in professional football in this surprisingly-dramatic 70s flick showing the dark side of sports; look for the stirring speech from real-life player [and real-life steroids casualty] the late John Matuszak where he berates the owners for treating players like disposable pieces of meat; Matuszak died from ‘roid abuse…), Mandingo (of this 1975 slavery sleaze classic, Roger Ebert claimed, “This is a film I felt soiled by”; you’re welcome…).

New Arrivals on Blu-Ray this week at Videoport: Secret Window, La Femme Nikita, Bram Stoker’s Dracula, Donnie Brasco, Resident Evil, Hollow Man, In the Line of Fire, Run Lola Run, Gattaca, Paris, Ninja Assassin, Broken Embraces, Armored.

Get free money at Videoport! Pre-pay $20 on your Videoport account, and we’ll give you $25 worth of rental credit…pre-pay $30, and you get $40 worth! It’s that simple…

Write for the VideoReport! Send you reviews, essays, lists, or what have yous to us at denmn@hotmail.com!

Special, web-only content! Comedian/ubernerd Patton Oswalt is doing a ‘Firefly’ comic book one-shot for Joss Whedon!  I am in geek heaven! Look for it at our upstairs pals Casablanca Comics soon!